This week has been a long and stressful week for me on so many levels. As you recall I have been having a lot and I mean a lot of different health "quirks" or problems over the past year, which have caused me to rethink things in life. One of which has been that I have decided I don't care about pettiness anymore. Trust me I have a lot of great people in my life, good people, good friends and a great family, but I also have a lot of self righteous, hypocritical, lying and petty people in my life too. (No, I won't out anyone. You all know who you are and how you fit in my life.) Some of these "wonderful" people have been trying to see how much grief they can cause me in my life. One has taken it to new highs for making up stories. I don't have time for these people in any form or fashion so I try to ignore them, remove them as much as possible and be as polite as I can when on occasion I might run into them somewhere. I have also done a lot of soul searching for things that might have been wrong on my part. I'm human. For those people I am making every effort to correct my mistake, make amends and not recreate them. One person I did that way I really regret. This person I thought due to another person was doing things they were not. Found out way to late, trusted way too much and now I like this person. I get along with them and hope they have actually gotten to a point of forgive and forget. One person though cracks me up. I try to be cordial, I try not to pay attention to them and thankfully they are not a part of my normal life so I rarely have to see them in any setting for any amount of time. They constantly say things about hoping people can be happy and find and make peace with God. Funny. I think they have forgotten the part of the bible that talks about forgiving and forgetting themselves. Along with turning the other cheek. Then I believe there is a part in the bible about "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." boy does this person ever need to put that stone down. Yet that isn't what this article is suppose to be about. I'm just talking and going on because it's hard to deal with some things in life. Somehow if you say them out loud they become more real. Somehow if you type them they become too real.
I had my first ever mammogram on Monday, February 23, 2009. That started out my week. The test in itself, although nerve racking, was not as bad as I expected from tales I had been told. I had it done at MD Imagining over at Lutheran Hospital. The staff there is so nice. Then Tuesday morning I was awakened to a call from a Nicole from their office. She was very polite, not cold, not in any form sounding as if she had made this call a dozen times. She has made it plenty from what she later told me. It was to advise me that there was an abnormality found in my left breast. Nothing to worry about she expressed. It happens all the time on Base line (first) test with mammograms. But she also warned a lot of things could happen when I came back in depending upon what they found out. Only one appointment left in the week. It was during hours I was scheduled at work and the next appointment would be very late the next week, so I took the appointment. Waiting until the end of the week was torture enough for this sort of thing. I couldn't imagine having to wait another week. I then called my work and they were very good about letting me get a vacation day to go take care of this. They always are good about working with me and I appreciate that a lot.
Waiting in the lobby for that second mammogram was nerve racking, but there were three other women who were there for the same reason. I wasn't alone. Not sure this is one of those times that was actually comforting, but I wasn't alone. One by one they went back. One by one they each left saying nothing further was needed done and mine was probably fine too. The second mammogram concluded that yes indeed there is a free floating mass a little bit smaller than the tip of my pinkie finger in my left breast. They wanted a closer look, so they told me to wait and they would get a technician to do an ultra sound. Now that was a unique experience to say the least. I have very dense breast so it was very hard for them to find what they were looking for. I saw it on the ultra sound though. The girl said she wanted an on-staff physician to look at it to see if they wanted to do anything else that day. More nerves. More feeling of doom.
The doctor came in and looked at the pictures taken and looked at an ultra sound himself. He then told me that it's very hard to tell what this might or might not be. It could be cancer, it could be nothing. Whatever it is, it is very tiny and no immediate threat. His advise is to wait six months and come back and see if it's grown. Uh, what? He's male. I get it. But still is sitting and waiting for something to grow the answer? I mean I get the concept. If it grows it's probably cancer. If it doesn't it's probably benign. What if it grows past the ability to do anything about it though? I wasn't at all comfortable with this recommendation at all, but he was a hospital doctor on staff, not my doctor. Now where I go is to talk this over with my regular practitioner and my OBGYN and see what they think. How they feel. I also sent informational questions off to my insurance company on my options, second opinions, and if of course this six month later mammogram is going to be covered. So many questions. I also did a lot of web surfing. I bought a book on Breast Cancer to arm myself with information in case.
From everything I can tell from research odds are in my favor that it's nothing. Odds are it's just a worry that is there for me to deal with at this time. I've never been one good at beating the odds though so keep your fingers crossed for me and keep your prayers out there for me. So what is in the title of this article. Simply this... Life is short. Sometimes shorter than we might expect. I don't want to fight with anyone. I am not out to get anyone and I have no desires to have people in my life who are negative. I need positive people in my life. I need peace and calm. If you can do that you can stay in my life. The people who can't I guess can get over it because my calls or conversations with them will be fleeting and few if at all. Sometimes we just have to look out for ourselves. I suppose this is my way of doing it. After all I always have been tough - right? Anyone who has any stories they want to share with me or on my blog regarding breast cancer - good or bad I'll happily take them and post them if you wish. Oh and for those of you that know my mom and dad - please do not share this with them at this time. They would worry themselves sick and they just don't need that. Thanks.