To my family, friends and those who may wish to help. It took me Forty-eight years to find my knight in shining armor. He's everything I could ever want and more. I am setting up this GO Fund me account to try to assist with my wedding and honeymoon costs. Jacob and I are picking up the cost all our own and we would also like to do a few renovations to the house to make it friendlier for a couple. I have a lot of it covered but Not sure I will make it all. If you would like to help you can donate here or you may send money to myself or Jacob. If you do not want to donate money you may do gift cards to help during the honeymoon. If you can’t help or don’t want to I understand that as well. Our lives are all busy and costly these days. I love you all and no matter what I look forward to my life ahead with Jacob.
Friday, December 29, 2017
Friday, November 3, 2017
I awoke with a confused startle. What was that noise. It almost sounded as if someone were in the house moaning. I struggled to get awake enough to confirm my surroundings. A cold wet nose nuzzled against my right cheek. Yes, I was laying on my living room sofa and across the room I could see the clock. It’s only 9 minutes past midnight I thought. Sigh, less than six hours till I had to go to work. Again, I heard muffled sounds. My mind played with the possibility that my mother was having another nightmare. The medicine she’s on often causes her to have nightmares and cry out in her sleep. Thankfully though she doesn’t remember them. I’ve learned to just let her sleep through them. I mentally stretch my hearing in the direction of the bedroom of which she’s on the other side. No, it’s not her. Now, I can clearly hear sirens off in the distance, but the sound is ever so slowly heading in my direction. My fogged brain slowly starts to comprehend the noises that I am hearing. There it is, the moaning. It’s simply the wind and winter announcing its intended arrival. Bear, my Pekinese, seams annoyed that I’m moving my head as I listen. For a couple of minutes, I listen to the sirens, wondering if they will come down my street but they veer off and are obviously now heading a little away from me. Sounds don’t usually wake me of this nature. I settle back down and with ease it seems fall back to sleep. As I sleep I am dreaming of some new job I have. In the dream, the job is one where I must choose which people get bonus checks and which ones don’t. It seems completely off kilt to me as I have never wanted to be in charge or be in management. I am about to say when I am again awoken. This time Bear is barking and growling and jumps from beside me to go stand in front of the door. I hear a noise that makes me get up as well. I go to the window and peak out to see a figure running down my driveway. Am I dreaming? I turn on a light and look around. Then I hear the wind slamming my screen door against my outer door. No, I’m awake. I open the door and grab the slamming screen door and pull it closed and lock it. I always make sure it’s closed because I know what the wind will do to it. I’m befuddled at the thought that someone was at my door this time of night. My dog, Bear, had alerted me and awakened me to the person trying to gain entry or so it would seem. I looked out again and there is no one out there now. I’ve lived in this neighborhood since 1999. I have had a kid walk up and try to open my door when I was sitting on the sofa during broad daylight once a few years back. I think it startled him that I was looking right at him through the window. I have also had gas stolen from my car twice, but for the most part my neighborhood is harmless. I looked at the clock again and it’s shortly after 1 in the morning. My mind flashes back to the sirens less than an hour earlier. I’ve seen too many movies is what runs through my mind. The two couldn’t possibly be connected. Reality again sinks in and I am a woman who likes my sleep. I leave the lights in the living room on and curl back up on the sofa. I need sleep before work in the morning. Surprisingly I fell back to sleep and into dreamland with no trouble what so ever. When I awoke this morning, I got dressed as usual and headed off to work. My mind flashing back to the nights events. I suppose it should bother me more than does that someone did that last night. I mean it was only yesterday I was thinking about how awful it is that someone just walked into a Walmart and took lives with no thought. Those people were going about their daily lives and didn’t have a care in the world or fear at doing their shopping there and now they are no longer among the living. I choose to put my faith in the Lord though. He will not let anything happen to me before it’s my time to go. For me though it was a thought that it could have been very different for me last night. I sleep very soundly so if my little Bear hadn’t awakened me and made such a fuss that person might have gotten in. Who knows what would have happened then. So, I gave this little guy a home a little over a year ago and yes, he can be handful but to me last night he earned his keep. He earned a place in my heart that he already had but he’s sealed the deal now. Ten pounds of fluff that was so intent on making sure no one came in to hurt me. So, things that go bump in the night beware… Officer Bear protects this home!
Friday, June 23, 2017
So, as many of you know, being the klutz I am, I fell a couple of weeks ago and ripped out one of my stitches, well I also cracked the screen on my Samsung Galaxy 7. It wasn’t a bad crack, but I still didn’t like that it was cracked so this led me to go ahead and upgrade my phone. I reviewed all the phones and I care about listening to music, clear reception on calls and taking awesome pictures. Everything I read led me to believe that the Google Pixel XL would be the way to go. The reviews on this phone looked awesome. With this information, I ordered the Google Pixel XL. I got it Monday. This phone was incredibly easy to set up; however, right away I noticed that the graphics didn’t seem up to snuff and the look and feel of the phone was somewhat antiquated. Now, I’m not one to just give up without giving it a try so I installed all the items I needed, set everything up and used it all day Tuesday and Wednesday. By Thursday I was deeply aware that I wasn’t comfortable with this phone and I wasn’t happy with it. I noticed that in certain areas of the city it would take what seemed like forever to pull up something after I requested it. Now knowing that the longer it takes to load the more data you chew up that didn’t make me that happy with the phone. I wasn’t going anywhere I didn’t go all the time so it seemed odd. I spoke with a Verizon rep and was told no problem I could go to the Verizon Store and exchange it if I wasn’t happy with it. Last night I did just that. I explained to the gentleman what problems I had been having and that I had looked up information on LTE. This phone is an LTE phone. There are wonderful articles out there that will explain to you that LTE is supposed to be 4G equivalent; however, it goes on to say it’s not quite there yet and it’s more like having 3G. The gentleman at the store told me that must be an old article I had read. I quickly informed him it was from April and I believed it. He spoke with his manager who has the same phone and he said he was noticing the same issues in some parts of town I was. I reviewed all the phones and played with them for quite a while and I settled on a Samsung Galaxy 8+. Now I was worried like everyone else about the curved screen but I got a case and glass protector and a holster cover for when I’m not using the phone that will hopefully help keep from breaking the screen if I drop it. Immediately after setting it up and starting to use it I felt a breath of relief. It was like being home after months on the road. It just felt right. The feel of the phone in my hand and the graphics and the sound are all exactly what I wanted. I have not had any problems loading anything right away today. It’s an awesome phone. The guy told me they had nothing but rave reviews from customers for the Google Pixel but he was like me and preferred the Samsung. Over all I suppose I am happy I tried it, because if I had not I would always wonder; however, I was not happy with the $35 restocking fee I was charged to change phones. I guess I kind of feel like since I’ve been their customer for 20 years and they do say that you can exchange phones why am I paying a restocking fee. You don’t pay a restocking fee when you take back items to a store. I informed the guy I wasn’t happy with that and he said well I can’t resell it as new. I guess I understand that but in the next breath he said he’d have to return it to Google. So, he’s not selling it at all. I kind of feel like that is a bit of a scam. I also don’t believe they should charge their customers an activation fee for upgrading. This is just my opinion I suppose. Over all for the money it is my opinion that Samsung wins hands down over the Google phone. The look and feel of The Google Pixel XL along with the often slow download and upload speeds left me somewhat cold. Sorry Google.
Friday, April 7, 2017
A friend of mine & I went to see John Edwards performance at the Grand Wayne Center in Fort Wayne Indiana this past Wednesday night. The venue was smaller than I had expected it to be. I have long been a fan of John's for his ability to help bring comfort to so many through his writings. I have every book he's written and I love them all. They are an inspiration so if you've not read them I would highly suggest that you do. This being said I am a skeptic to a large degree on what he is or is not doing when he's giving a reading. I watched carefully for ques from the people he was reading and listened closely to every word he said. He seemed confident in his choices of telling people things about their family; however, it almost seemed like fishing too. I guess I also have a hard time because I have had so many things happen to me in my own life that I should automatically believe. I mean I've passed messages on to friends and family from the other side to help them. I've known things way ahead of schedule I should not know. I've seen things I can't explain. Here's the thing though I'm not sure if what I've seen, heard and felt is a person communicating from the other side or an angel conveying the message from above to help the soul here that needs the message. These things also don't happen to me on a command basis. I can't just say OK I'm open so lets start talking to people. Then there are night visits. I've had many visits as John described them in my dreams. They are so vivid that when you wake up you're lost as to where you are. Are these actually the spirits of loved ones passed or are they again angles helping us with a need to see loved ones and be comforted. Then there is a scarier option that the things that go bump in the night are demons and that they are here to seem as if they are giving comfort only to lead us away from the Father. Now I loved that John Acknowledged God in his reading he did. Although he says he's not a fan of organized religion he is a believer. That is of comfort as well. Most of the questions and "hits" he had with the audience I could have had a hit on as well, as in I could have answered yes to the questions he asked; however, I think I would have to believe, or I feel that I have had a larger number of deaths in my life than most people. I've known people who were murdered, committed suicide, died in car accidents, lost to a fire, one lost to the waters... so you see I could probably hit on about anything he could come up with so again it makes me a harder target. Why has death been so prominent in my life. If I could have asked one question of John that probably would have been the one for me. Now on the day that I went to see John's performance I was getting ready to drive at 12:18 pm when something told me to note the time. It also went on to tell me to ask John when the last time he enjoyed a reading and did it for no cost. No cost in money, no cost to his soul. I wasn't sure what to think of this but I could not get it off my mind all day. I sure as hell wasn't about to raise my hand and ask that question of John in front of everyone and I live on a check by check basis so the general admission was really more than I should of spent to go see him I didn't spend the extra to go spend one on one time with him although I would love to have. A friend of mine was there though and I told her to tell John that 12:18 is supposed to mean something to him. I'm not sure what and I don't know why. I felt better even though I don't know if she conveyed it or not. That same friend was with her mom and they told me how the mother had asked for two signs for the night. One was for a feather. Now they told as how a small feather had fallen from the ceiling in there right before we came in and landed a little ways from them. Where would a feather come from in the Grand Wayne Center exhibit hall? I do have prophetic dreams. I've had them all my life. I do believe I've walked and talked with Jesus in a dream and I do believe I've been shown the end of days. So maybe it's harder for me to believe? I know I believe in the writings of the King James Bible. I know it warns of false prophets, so I am skeptical more often than not. I also do not begrudge the man making a living using his craft; however, I believe once he has made enough to sustain him and his family if he really has a gift he would do a lot more charity readings or use his gift for good. I would also ask him why he doesn't help with crimes. I can't live his life for him. I can't know his crosses that he bears so I will not judge, but I do have a curiosity about it. My general thoughts on Wednesday though are that I don't know that I saw anything that would lead me to believe in what he's doing or not. I know if he's true or not that if he gives a little bit of peace to a grieving soul that this is all good with me. So do you believe?
Saturday, February 11, 2017
Life is to each of us exactly how we choose to live it. Operative word here would be LIVE. Most people never actually live life, they merely sit looking in the window as if Window Shopping. Be sure you're not one of them.
Until now your life has been pretty sheltered. This year will challenge you more than you could possibly ever imagine. Life and the way you view it is about to change.
Every year as a child you looked forward to summer breaks from school. This year you chose to work at the Fort Wayne Children’s Zoo. This is your first real look at the outside world. While working there you will meet a large variety of people from all back grounds. You will be subjected to the first person to really show you hate and disdain. She’s just jealous of your youth. You can’t see that now, but looking back some day you’ll realize it was pity you should have had for her and prayers she could have used. You’ll meet a guy who will show you that people will stand up for you against all other odds. He is a friend you still think and wonder about from time to time. You really didn’t appreciate him the way you should have then. Death will play a big part in the year ahead. You’ve been sheltered from that too. Your parents loved you and didn’t want you to know about all the ugly and painful things in the world. Perhaps they should have let you fall a little more often. The first death will be someone you had a major crush on in high school. He was in your brother’s class and graduated that summer. He was popular and a straight A student. Strange he probably never knew you thought he was perfect at the time. You will take a break at work one day and read the paper. You’ve always had a morbid infatuation with the obituaries so you will be leafing through and find his obituary there. Not only that but as you leaf through the rest of the paper you will find an article about how he hung himself and took his own life in a hotel room in Florida. You will feel crushed and full of confusing emotions. The article covers the hardships of popular students going out into the real world. By summers end you’ll understand as you see more of what people are like. You’re not really a kid anymore. The way people treat you as an adult is completely different. It’s not the individual items I want you to take from this, but the reality that life changes daily and the innocence of childhood is something to hold onto as long as you can. I also want you to understand more of how to look through other people’s eyes. We are all human with our own pains and sorrows. Often people hurt us without even knowing they are. Humans get caught up in their own emotions and sometimes that blinds them to the effect what they are doing has on other people. By the end of the year you will have lost your grandmother. Again your emotions will be full of confusion and pain. Things we believe in youth show not to be reality as we get older. She won’t be there for your graduation. She won’t be there to see you get married or to hold your first child. These are all emotions that swell up in you. You also for the first time will understand that your parents will not always be here as you watch your father cry for the first time openly in front of you at the loss of his mother. He’s human. Not a concept many children really understand. For the first time your dad is human in your eyes. You should have opened up to someone during this time to let them know the emotions you really were having, but you didn’t. You held them inside and tried to be strong. Strength is what you’ve grown up believing is what you need most. Let me correct that for you. Showing emotions and being honest and outspoken with those around you regarding your real feelings is not weak. It’s stronger than silence ever will be. Yet that year you did nothing. You told people you were fine. You sat at a funeral that tore you apart and pretended your world wasn’t crashing down around you. Let me warn you… Feelings like that being bundled inside build anger and frustrations that can lead you down a path you can’t easily get off of.
So what I would hope you would take from this with you is that you need to be a kid while you can. Youth is fleeting. I know that is cliche but in this case as it would be true. Always do things that you will be proud of as you get older. Hold strong in your convictions and open up about how you are feeling with those you love. Be understanding of other people. Give them second chances and even more than that. Yet know when to walk away from them and be okay in the knowledge that you had done all you could. Tell people what you want them to know now. Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone and death comes from everyone. Understand that death should be embraced but not striven for or feared. Don't worry about the little things... I will be here with you for the duration, as my journey has only begun.
Monday, November 14, 2016
There are mild stones and turning points all throughout our lives. Life seems to move so quickly that if we are not careful we will not see the curve or bend in the path we are traveling. Looking back on my own life it amazes me at how much things in my life have changed. It puzzles me at times as to how and when things that mattered to me so much changed. I suppose it changed for me the most almost a year ago. I decided to turn my life back over to God. No, I am not saying I am saved. God and I are working on it though. I’ve known a peace that is hard to describe. When I start worrying over things and yes I do at times, I pray to the Father to help me and I tell him I command my life into your hands, your will be done. So with this election as with anything else as of late I prayed. My inner soul was lost and torn between issues and friends and family. Never have I known an election that has torn so many in so many directions. As with everything though the path is only clear if you allow yourself to see it with unencumbered eyes. For me the choice was not an easy one, but in the end I had to go with where I felt the Lord would want me to go. No, I’m not saying God cares about politics, but in the end I could not stand for someone who so openly dis-regarded the life of an innocent baby. Funny thing is I wanted her in office when Barrack Obama was running. I voted for him. Both times. Not because I thought he was all that awesome but because I couldn’t see voting in the other contender. All in all I do not think he’s been a very good president. He’s not been the worst ever as some would say but he’s definitely done things I do not agree with or like. Comes down to it though I do believe he’s a good man and that although I may not agree with him he’s more than likely being led by his own inner voices to do what he feels is right. Why do we as a people want to say otherwise? All comments on this should be in boxed to me. Please do not post comments on my Facebook under this as they will be deleted. I do not want a war on Facebook. I do not want friend against friend or bother against sister or anything else. We should be able to disagree without having confrontation. There are no winners when people protest with hate and violence. Yes protest if you wish peacefully. This is not the way it will be though. In the end brother will be against brother and father against son. So it is written. I find no desire to argue or be angry with anyone. Everyone has their right to think and believe the way they feel. Hopefully our new president elect Donald Trump will do great things for us, but if he doesn’t he doesn’t. Our country needs solidarity. Our country needs to stop being a whining nation of people who want our government to take care of them. We need to stand tall and proud. I love our country, but I love God more. What he has set forth no one will set aside. I love my family and I love all my friends. I trust that time will heal those wounded by the election. I trust that God will see us through if we put our faith in him. Time is fleeting. This day will soon be long behind us. There are so many other things yet to come. So many corners we need to watch for as we travel on life’s journey.
Thursday, September 15, 2016
Every day on this earth is a blessing. I know so many people who do nothing but mope and complain about their lives. They have no one to love. They haven’t gotten enough money or enough time to do this or that. It’s so easy to complain. I’ve been a complainer myself on many occasions but through it all I tried to look at the blessings of every day. I get up out of bed. I have another opportunity to make my life what I want. Each new morning is a new beginning to the story of my life. I can choose to wallow in it or I can dust myself off and make the best of it. I’m many things but someone who falls and never gets up is not one of them. I have seen a counselor for many years now. She helps me talk through my problems. She gives me someone to complain to that helps me bring forth my true emotions. It’s funny that I think I now help her too. I look forward to my and her talks and I think she enjoys them as well. She’s someone I would never have met if I had not gotten the cancer I had and been down and out about a big hurdle in my life. Life is funny that way. I know it’s easy to dwell on the regrets we have in life. Let’s face it if you’re over 12 you have regrets about things you’ve said or done. If you say you don’t I’ll call you a liar right to your face! I’ve done things to people I would never even consider asking them to forgive although many years past and I’m not the same person. I’ve had things done to me that I will willingly forgive, but that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten. As I’ve gotten older I’ve found that I have come to understand that people generally do not set out to hurt someone else. They often do it without thought. I wish I had come to this understanding much earlier in life. It would have made it so much easier. Now I take a moment and step back and try to see what that person might have been thinking or seeing when they did what they did. I had a talk with a family member I had not seen in a long time this past weekend. He was so angry at an ex in-law that I found it odd. I could understand his anger. He felt betrayed and hurt and let down. She was not at fault all by herself though I found myself pointing out and although he may find her evil I would merely say misguided and hurt herself. She was not easily accepted into the family and was kind of boasted as a less than welcomed member for the longest time. Stories were told that hurt her. I’ve heard both sides and both sides are wrong and right in so many ways. The thing is it’s the past. We can’t go back and re-write it. Either way I understood the pain he had gone through so many years ago. Life did not deal him a kindly hand. God did grant him a family of his own though and a woman to put up with all that he could dish out. God did guide him to seek the truth and walk in the light. I believe an olive branch would be better to his serving than a baseball bat at this point. I love both the people I’m talking about more than life. I love all my family. I used to harbor anger. I found it will just eat you up and keep you from thinking of what you should be. I find anger of little use. Instead of building the anger I try to resolve the pain. What was done all those years ago can’t be undone. What happened in a marriage that he and I were not in neither of us will ever truly know and holding ill will when both those parties have moved on is senseless at best. Again I love my family. I have not always been the favored niece or welcomed family member by some but I have loved them all the same and always will. Each day is a new beginning and you choose whether to late hate eat your heart and time away or weather to turn forgiveness and put your troubles in God’s hands. I know people right now with bigger problems than an old grudge of perceived wrongs. I have a friend whose fighting breast cancer, one who’s wishing his wife would come back to him from Coma, one who has a cancer on his aorta and has to go to Mayo to get it looked at. I have a friend whose skin is becoming his enemy as he’s been put in the hospital time and again and a friend who worries as his daughter fights cancer. There is a family I know that morns the loss of their son this coming weekend and so many others I could go on and on. Is a squabble that is Thirty years old really worth that time or effort? Life is so short. I have my own worries. My finances need help. My weight needs to go down. My house needs cleaned up and organized. My mother and father and getting older and I may lose them in the near future. I don’t dwell on that though. I choose to live in the way things are today. Not the past and not the future. Be thankful for every moment you have with anyone in your life. All time is a gift and very precious. All my aunts and uncles future, present and past were a gift for whatever good they brought into my life. Be thankful for your life. It was a gift you should cherish. Forget old grudges and enjoy the time you have. It will not be that long until time has come and gone and those things you thought were important will no longer matter. Be thankful for your blessings. Know that if you are in my life you are loved.