Why I'm here....

Since I've always been quick with an opinion an old friend once lost and again found suggested that perhaps I should share with more people my commentary. Never being one to pass on a challenge I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Bodycology - Walmarts

So yesterday I was shopping at Walmarts and went into the cosmetics isle. Needed eye shadow... I found a line of products called "Bodycology". Not a name I was familiar with and definitely not very expensive, but I thought for the gym these could be nice to have so I of course got the shower gel, the body lotion, and the body spray. I had five different women at the gym tell me how great it smelled along
with two guys and then several people where I work. The scent I went with was called 'Sweet Petals'. I suppose you don't always have to spend a fortune to find something nice. The body lotion is awesome too just so you know. It's not greasy and leaves your skin feeling silky smooth. Give them whirl if you've a mind to.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

First Time in Over a Decade

I know a lot of people out there with the misconception that people who are large are that way because they are inherently lazy or love food to the point of gluttony. Now I am sure there are people for whom that is the case, but most of the people I know or have talked to or hell even my own personal experience would beg to argue otherwise. People who are large can be that way for medical reasons or for emotional reasons as well as out of shear laziness I suppose. I am predisposed to be over weight simply from genetics and from the types of foods my cultural background derived me from, but these are not things I can’t beat. My weight has always been a battle for me and one I thought I won in my early twenties, but one night in 1993 changed that for me. The battle was no longer won, I no longer cared about my health or my looks and so more than a decade of my life was lost to hiding behind closed doors and away from anything and everyone that wasn’t family or co-workers for the most part. Food was merely my blanket (Linus) and it gave me a false sense of security. With my recent loss of weight and my taking on healthy living and eating I have reawakened my desire to live life to the fullest though. It’s kind of like being reborn. There are so many things that are brand new to me again. Like going in a restaurant and eating food. I actually eat without wondering who’s taking mental notes of what I’m eating and blaming it for my weight. There is a lot of guilt when going out to eat and you’re heavy, well at least for me there was. Then there is the fact that I can now shop in any store in the mall for clothes. You don’t know what it’s like when you can only shop online or at the “big” girl’s stores. Let’s not forget that I can now go to any repair shop or doctor’s office and I don’t cringe at the site of the chairs in the waiting room with the arms on them. I can weight myself on normal scales, sit comfortably in the Movie Theater, walk around any store or the mall without being tired or achy, I wake up with energy instead of feeling drained, I can cross my legs, get up off the floor without any problems, wear seat belts made for normal people, sit Indian style in the floor and yes today I ran for the first time. True it took me 11 minutes to run a mile, but the last time I remember running I was more than a decade ago. What a difference an attitude change and a couple of years can make in a person. I absolutely love exercising and as for food, well, most sweets don’t even tempt me anymore. I love seafood and have found a whole group of it that is absolutely delicious, low calorie and even low sodium. I have more confidence and I am gaining more and more ground on that every day. I have had so many firsts lately that I’m just busting at the seams with happiness. I guess part of me feels some guilt about that seeing as how some others I know are having problems and issues, but I have finally come to the conclusion that I can feel for my family and friends and still lead my own life and take care of myself. So for the first time in over a decade I am enjoying life and living, well, not so large. ;-) Now if I could just win that lottery.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Campbell's Harvest Select Soups

If you haven't tried these soups you really should. They are low calorie and low sodium so whether you're watching your calorie intake or your sodium intake (of which I watch both) you are all set with these soups. Most of them are less than a hundred calories a serving. The one on the left is a microwave ready container you can take to work and it has only a hundred calories in the whole container of two servings. Again, if you're looking for something to fill you up, but not fill you out. You might want to give these bad boys a try. I did and I love them!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Lady, I’m Probably Not

Again, I’ll start out by saying BROTHER beware, you may not want to read this being my brother and all. OK, with that said: “Are there truly ‘ladies’ out there anymore?” I mean the Webster’s dictionary says that a lady is a woman of refinement and gentle manners. I’m thinking I failed that test right there. Although I do think I’m polite most of the time and I do have manners, the refinement part might get a bit tricky. I suppose there are still a few ladies out there, my mother comes to mind. The word lady use to be a word that came with great respect and dignity but so many women these days seem to take offense to its use. Let me tell you right now I absolutely adore a man who pulls out my chair, opens doors for me, takes my arm or hand as we walk, walks on the outside so that cars are closer to him, brings me flowers and cares about how I feel. If he’s sensitive enough to realize a sweet note or an unexpected thoughtfulness now and then, I’m in heaven. What I don’t like that probably makes me unladylike? Well, I’m blunt. I don’t like to play guessing games and if I suspect a guy is out for sex and sex only I’ll probably halt the date before it’s ever gotten started. What do I mean by guessing games? Well, I know there are these supposed ‘rules’ to dating. I’m suppose to act shy, and maybe even a bit timid? Are you kidding me? Also per these great rules that they talk about I’m suppose to let the guy control the evening and talk about topics that he adores. OK. So maybe on a first date I can see these to some degree, but I am more into the line of thinking that if it’s going to be a good date there are things that should make both of us happy both to do and to discuss. What is it with one-sidedness and why do so many people seem so willing to settle? Why be with someone for the sake of being with someone or for the sake of getting sex? You can’t even imagine how many women I know that are sexually unfulfilled and afraid to tell their lovers what they want. Should they insult him, NO! I believe it’s more their fault than his that they are unfulfilled. He’s not a mind reader and I think most guys would love the opportunity to play if their partner would open up with them. Why can’t they be comfortable with telling him that although they love everything he does they would prefer this or that or would love to try ____? You fill in the blank with whatever it is you want to try. Why can’t couples communicate and be willing to try different things. I guess I am just an odd ball because I think you should be able to talk to your partner about what you want and what you need both in the relationship and in bed. I recently read a book where the guy’s whole philosophy on sex was “Ladies First”. Now wouldn’t you just love to meet this guy girls? I mean he picked partners who would please him, but he made sure they got what they needed before he did. If he looks half as good as he sounds I’m so there. So yes, I’m a little adventurous and a little outspoken on most things and I suppose I don’t fit the lady mold. My mother would so not be enjoying this article for instance because I am sure a ‘lady’ would never mention sex or even dare to speak of it in public, but then again like I said, a lady I’m probably not.

What a Smart Idea!

Two weeks ago Sunday I met my parents for lunch at the Wendy's on Clinton. I saw this and stood back in awe. Every once in a while I just see something and go, wow what a smart idea. I mean putting the trash container under the ketchup dispenser (there are other places for trash even at this station) was a pretty smart idea. I mean how many times have you been in at a restaurant like this and the counter is nothing but a messy slop of ketchup on the counter. What smart ideas have you seen out there?

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Working It Out!

Recently I signed back up to go to American Health Fitness. It's winter and my walking, although I still manage to get some in has been hampered by the winter weather. I hate very few things worse than cold weather. In reality as I lose this last hundred pounds I need to start tightening and strengthening my muscles anyway. I also use to belong to American Health several years ago and enjoyed it tremendously. So although I did check other clubs, I went back to where I always felt comfortable. At American Health there are a wide array of people in there working out and all of them appear to be friendly. As one girl stated today no one cares what anyone looks like or in what condition they are in inside this gym, they are just happy you're here to work out. I have seen every type from the extremely physically fit, to a few that are probably five hundred pounds if they are an ounce with a long road to travel yet. I also was fascinated by the eighty-six year old woman that was bench pressing, and the guy with green hair that upon leaving was wearing a shirt and tie and dress pants. Most of the people have been super friendly and nice. Now there are a few odd balls, but hey they keep life interesting. The staff is friendly and eager to answer your questions on anything you might want to know. They will even keep keys at their desk for you while you exercise if you don't want to have to keep track of it. So my biggest obstacle will be getting into some kind of routine on the machines. I'm no different than anyone else that going by myself and working out on those things leaves me feeling a little awkward, but I will do it. I went Friday night and swam and worked out in the water for about two and a half hours. I could live in the pool. I wish I had enough money to have an indoor pool at my house so I could swim all the time. On Saturday I started my morning off with an hour work out with the club trainer, went to lunch and then went back to the club and stayed another 3 hours doing different workouts both on machines and in the water. Today I went and worked out in the water again. My muscles were too sore to do machines today.... that is the great thing about the pool, as sore as my muscles were it was easy to still do a workout in the water and trust me when I say you get a harder work out in the water than a person might expect. What really kills me though are the people who come in do nothing on the machines, head to the pool and then just stand around and talk in the pool. How exactly does that count as exercise? I suppose maybe they joined just to use the pool and socialize, but that is just hard to imagine. For me though it's well worth the money. I pay $19 a month, which is less than a dollar a day. Cheap entertainment and beneficial to my health too. What more could a girl ask for? American Health offers a sauna, a steam room, a eucalyptus room, a hot tub, trainers, every possible machine you could think of, and even a wellness program. Their wellness program has meetings and health monitoring as well as a tailored exercise program for each person. I like it. If you wanna join I might even allow you to work out with me. ;) There are two locations in Fort Wayne, and multiple classes you can take as well. Below here I have the pictures and maps from the website of American Health Fitness - http://www.ahfc.com/

Step/Cardio, MON-SAT 8:30AM & TUE/THUR 6:30PM
Core/Fusion/Pilates, MON-FRI 9:15AM
Aquatics, MON/WED/FRI 9AM/10AM/11AM & 6PM (except Fridays, no 6pm on Fridays)
Yoga, MON/THUR 5:30PM -- Step, TUE/THU 10AM & 6:30PM -- Power Pump MON 7PM

Power Pump, SAT 9:45AM
Step, MON/WED 5:30PM
Core Fusion, TUE 7PM
Kick Boxing, THUR 7PM

Thursday, January 14, 2010

~~Real or Memorex?~~

Anyone remember that Memorex commercial? It was a commercial for blank/recordable cassette (maybe I should ask how many remember cassette tapes) and later on video tapes that insinuated that by using them you would forget somehow you were listening to or watching a recording and believe somehow you were observing the real thing. I’m here to tell you that it was rarely even close to the real thing or even listening to it off the radio, but for the time it was probably as close as one was going to get and a big improvement over the old reel tapes. Me? I seem to ask this question a lot in my life, so I was just pondering its many uses today as I was walking the stairs. Yeah, stairs are not my favorite thing to do, but its exercise. This question can be used on almost every aspect of life. I mean if you have a problem (any type) you could ask it in the context of is it truly a problem that deserves your worry or is it just a mere complication that will fade with time? I know I’ve known people I’ve wanted to ask that question by the story they were telling me at the time. An out of body experience story comes to mind. I wanted so badly to say are you kidding me? Not that I don’t believe in supernatural events, but if you knew the person telling the story you would understand my hesitation on this one. Then there is one of the most important aspects of life that this question can apply to and that is love or friendship. I mean a friend of mine and I today were talking about how if a relationship is real (again either kind) it’s something you value and don’t want to destroy. If a relationship is Memorex then you really don’t give it a whole lot of thought and have a “to hell” with the consequences type attitude. What really sucks is if you think its Memorex, lose it and realize it was the real deal. So thinking over the things in your life do you ever ask if it is real or Memorex or do you just try not think about it?

Monday, January 11, 2010

Sometimes I Forget

I’ve studied a lot of different things in school. I guess I just feel like no matter how much I study I never really learn enough though and sometimes I forget what it is that I have learned along the way. When I was younger I had a lot of insecurities so human relationships and psychology got a lot of my time in college. I should be better at relationships with all the training I have had, but the one thing I realize is that I am definitely a person ruled by my passion and emotions. I often don’t take the time to stop and rationalize through what I am about to do. That can get a person into a heap of trouble as my grandmother use to say. I would definitely say I am much better at reading people. I have a vast array of friends from all scopes of life. I like it that way. Some of them are open and straight forward; others hide behind a protective shield never allowing anyone close to their hearts. I find people fascinating to watch. I could sit for hours in a public place and just try to figure out what is going on in the lives of perfect strangers. I also have a habit of asking very personal questions if I get comfortable enough. My blunt nature is usually met one of two ways 1) with fascination and need to know more or 2) with disdain and disgust that one could be so bold. I love when someone does the first. There is a third rarity and that is a person who just accepts me. The most accepting person I have ever known in my life was my uncle Roger. I miss him so much sometimes. He didn’t judge me or expect me to be anything other than what I was. As I was driving into work today I took a moment to think about some blunders I have made recently and the best way to go about correcting them. Thankfully I don’t think I’ve done anything that bad, just forgotten that to men silence is golden and to women communications is a need. I think there must be some cosmic joke in the universe to have made men and women’s needs in human relationships so differently that one has to stop and think out their interactions so intensely. I suppose it doesn’t help being that I am a sponge for other people’s emotions. I can usually tell you what someone is feeling and almost before they can. I have always been that way, so I tend to stay away from people when they are feeling extremely negative because I just can’t afford to take on those emotions myself. I suppose it makes for an interesting world. One might get bored if we all thought and felt the same things. I was reading an article on how women and men view text messages differently. A woman sends out a message and expects a response almost immediately while a man sends one out and if he gets a response great, if not he’ll worry about it later. Is that true? Any of you guys out there want to comment on whether it bothers you as much as it does me to have to sit and wait for a response that either doesn’t come, comes hours later or instead of being answered the person sends you a text message with a new question not even related to what you asked? Also does it sadden anyone out there besides me that the art of actually writing letters is slowly dying? There is nothing more precious or valuable than a hand written letter full of passion and longing. I just somehow don’t think you can put that in an email or a text and do it justice. Good Lord, then there is dating. How differently do women and men usually view dating? I mean I think I fall outside the norm on this one because I don’t think you have to be with the person you are dating 24/7 like a lot of women I know and I think each person has to maintain a feeling of self and their own life as well as join with their partner, but what is it that makes men think nothing should change in their lives and women think that men should now make them the center of their universe? Is it like that in gay relationships? I mean there are normally one feminine roll and one masculine role so I was just wondering if they go through the same issues. So many questions and so little time and yet they will never truly be answered. The best advise I can give anyone in any type of relationship is to not over think it. Have you ever noticed that if you sit and dwell on something it becomes this huge monster of an issue when in reality it started out being nothing? This is what I have to remind myself over and over, but I am human and you know sometimes I forget.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Keith Whitley, Country Legend

Growing up in my home we were constantly surrounded by country music, sixties rock and roll and gospel. My parents were born and raised in a small town called Pippa Passes in the mountains of Kentucky. I suppose in all honestly I heard quiet a bit of blue grass music too, although for me sometimes it’s hard to distinguish between blue grass and country. I mean I do know the difference, but they both instill the same qualities in my mind. I was a normal teenager though and went through a brief period in the late seventies and early eighties where I didn’t listen to a whole lot of country and did the rock and roll thing, well as best as I could in my home. My parents didn’t restrict us a lot on what we could listen to, but they did have their limits. My dad use to say my music didn’t make any sense to him, but then I’d just remind him he liked “Little Richard”. I didn’t quiet think that music made much sense to me at the time. In the later half of the eighties I went through a period where all I listened to seemed to be country. To me it was a life line of words that told me I wasn’t alone in some of the emotions I was feeling. A good country song can get right to the core of your being if you truly listen to it. It was then that I ran across Keith Whitley and his amazing voice and talent. Listening to his songs I could almost feel his sadness and understanding that life isn’t always what one hopes it might be. There was also a beauty in the tones and quality of his delivery. It didn’t take me long to be hooked and I had to have everything he recorded and put out there. When he died in 1989 it nearly broke my heart, not because I thought him attractive, but because I was saddened for the songs he would never write or sing in the future. He is a talent I think is missing and one rarely anyone ever comes close to matching. To me he is the epitome of country music exemplified. Keith Whitley charted nineteen singles on the Billboard country charts and out of those he had five consecutive number ones: “Don’t Close Your Eyes”, “When You Say Nothing at All”, “I’m No Stranger to the Rain”, “I Wonder Do You Ever Think of Me”, and “It Ain’t Nothing”. The Last two songs listed were not released until after Keith Whitley’s death. Although I love most of his work, my favorite song of his and one I can relate to very intimately is “I’m Over You”. It’s the song of a man trying to convince himself that he doesn’t still have feelings for someone no longer in his life. I’ve been there done that, but in the end I think I really am over my past. I wonder if the man in the song was ever over his love. I know what it’s like to sit at a bar and drink and to go endless days hurting for something you’ve lost. So to me it’s my favorite work of his.

I’m Over You

Where there's a cloud, don't mean there's rain
Tears in my eyes, don't mean there's pain
Don't flatter yourself
I'm over you

Things aren't always what they seem
You can't believe everything you read
On my face
I'm over you

You heard I'm drinking more than I should
That I ain't been looking all that good
Someone told you I was taking it rough
Why they making those stories up

When I'm over you
There were times that if you'd been around
You would have seen me broken down
But now you won't
I'm over you

So if I seem a little bit cold
It only means you've lost the hold
You had on me
I'm over you

You heard I'm drinking more than I should
That I ain't been looking all that good
Someone told you I was taking it rough
Why they making those stories up
When I'm over you

You heard I'm drinking more than I should
That I ain't been looking all that good
Someone told you I was taking it rough
Why they making those stories up
When I'm over you
I'm over you
I'm over you


To me this song speaks volumes. I still sit and wonder sometimes what other wonderful songs might have been born if he had lived, or if he would have faded into the back ground like a star burning out. Either way his passing at his peak has forever sealed him in as a country legend.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Conquering The Fear Within...

If you read my blog regularly then you all ready know that I suffer from a phobia. This type of phobia is known as Pagophobia. It is an extreme or irrational fear of ice or frost. Usually the person suffering from it fears hurting themselves on it. I have suffered from it since the early nineties and have worked on it with doctors and through my own meditations. So Indiana isn't the best place in the world for me in the winter months. I have gotten better over the years mostly because I am ridding myself of the fears that reside within. Fear can be a very controlling beast. Much of my life over the past decade and a half has been controlled by fear. Most of this fear came out of the fall of '93. Not something I'm ready to openly discuss but it controlled a good portion of my life until I decided I need to take control of my own destiny and future back. Thus the journey to fix me began. For the most part I have done a very good job of that I believe. I am more confident than I have ever been in my life and I am doing things I never would have dreamed of in a million years just a few short years ago. The fears are still there somewhat, but I believe they have been beaten down to a small voice in the back of my mind. Today was a big example of that to me. You may not see it as much but on a day when the roads are an icy mess from hell and walking from my car into multiple places across ice covered walks doesn't even make me grab for my medication or even raise my blood pressure I would say I've come a long way. As a matter of fact as I was finally driving home I realized I hadn't stressed at all about the roads even once the entire five hour trip out today. It made me stop and grin and realize that you really can do anything you set your mind to in life if you try. For me it's conquering the fear within and taking my life back.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Memory Lane and Winter Cleaning.....

So as you may or may not know I am on vacation this week. I love taking the first week of the year off because it allows me to get a lot of things done that I wouldn't otherwise do. You see if I'm off in warm weather there is no way you are tying me down to stay inside. (Well, almost no way). As I have been taking a few hours each day to go through old storage containers and boxes to remove the excess and clutter I have come across a few things that I truly treasure. For the most part the stuff is going unless I can't bring myself to part with it. I mean the older I get the less I want to own quantity and prefer quality. Among the things I have found have been old love letters (Everyone has them don't they? Don't you just wonder why you really hang on to them though?), Pictures I had long forgotten about, a ring that held a promise of what might have been, a necklace that took me back to sweet sixteen and many other things. I also found a card from flowers I received at work once. They were from someone I think wanted more from me at that time than friendship, but fear and old ghosts kept me from pursuing it. I guess we'll chalk that one up in the regret category. I also found some old poetry I had written and some a friend had written, as well as this picture that was drawn for me by one of my favorite artists. It was his rendition of how he saw me back then. He's a dear friend and there is no way I could ever part with this. Now if he would just become famous so I could use it to my advantage.... just joking. Either way cleaning is good for the soul on many levels. It stirs up old feelings which can leave one lost and yet happy all at the same time. So this vacation when I'm asked where I went I think I'll just tell everyone I was a time traveler for a brief period of time. I traveled back over the years to the remnants of my life. My vacation is just a journey down memory lane with a little winter cleaning, both emotionally and aesthetically.

A Picture From Summer...

I took this picture this past summer in the new exhibit at 'The Fort Wayne Children's Zoo'. I loved the way it looked and looking at it one can almost find themselves lost in one of those books where the fog starts to roll in and scary things start to happen. I love it just the same though. Maybe I'm a masochist I don't know, but I have always loved scary movies and scary books. Give me a good horror flick and someone to snuggle up to while I watch it any day. I guess horror flicks aren't for everyone and I can just as easily go for a good romance or drama movie. Looking at this photo though one can imagine all sorts of scenarios. If I were wealthy and had a large house I might even find this being the wall in one of my rooms, because I could sit for hours and get lost in the mystery of what might lie beyond the mist or happen there within it. I found myself wondering what other people think about when they look at photos or even artwork. I mean a good painting can actually take you to another place and time if you allow it to. Where would you imagine yourself in this photo? Under what circumstance?