I hear whispers in the morning when I wake. Quiet echo’s of dreams, the prior day events gone past and fears. Always every morning a replay of the day before and a thought that perhaps today will repeat or change dramatically. I often wonder how many people wake like this. At the close of each night I try to wipe everything from my thoughts. I try to think of each new day as a new slate and a new beginning. I spoke recently with a friend that said he never sleeps more than four hours a night and then it’s broken sleep. He said his events of the day and things that he could get or should get done yet keeps playing through his mind and no matter how hard he tries he can’t get to sleep. I recommended to him that he perhaps should try meditation or some tea before bed and explained to him that he needs to remind himself that there is nothing that can be done about any of these things in the middle of the night. I feel for him because the body does really need it’s rest to function properly. I don’t think I’m reaching to say all my friends probably think my mind is warped. I say some of the most off the wall things and something someone says can have the most strange effect on where it sends my mind. I’m always forever more hearing songs from something someone will say. An example of this is a girl at work said something the other day about her boy and the old song “Let’s Hear It for the Boy” started playing through my head. Just like that with one little word a whole song and me trying to get it out were stuck up there. I also often wonder who is feeling exactly the same way I am at any given moment or who has thought the same thoughts or felt the same way. Did you ever wonder when you were a kid if you were the only person on the planet that was human? Think Aliens had abducted you and were living all around you because you felt so different from everyone else? I’ve never quiet felt like I belonged much of anywhere which is why I’m glad for my multi-colored, multi-talented and much loving set of friends fell into my life. If we’re going to play one of these things isn’t like the others I want to play to win. Just kidding but they do help me with their diversity I feel to grow as a human being. They help me to see that differences are not a threat but a good thing. I was listening to the Pat Miller Program the other day and he said he thought Dick Clark should have stopped being on television and stepped aside after his stroke because it made him feel uncomfortable. Not because he disrespected Dick Clark. I have no doubt from the way he spoke he had great respect for the man, but because he remembered him the way he was. I think Dick Clark did exactly what he should have. I tried to call the show but held for too long and gave up. By doing what he did Dick Clark showed the world that he wasn’t going to let life pass him by handicapped or not. He wasn’t going to sit on that rocker and just give into life. He wasn’t going to let people see him whipped by a circumstance he had little control over. He wasn’t going to hide in shame or cower in the corner or just give up. I think he did step aside for the most part, but no Pat I think he did as he should. Perhaps our kids won’t remember, unless we help them, the Dick Clark we knew when we were young but what they will have seen is a man who didn’t shy away from the camera because he made people feel uncomfortable. He didn’t let life beat him and he didn’t let people who might mock him stop him. So I’ve felt the odd one in the crowd before for many reasons and I wanted to hide. He gave strength in his way of handling it to many and he will be missed. Good night Dick Clark until you count us down again.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Step by step. Baby steps. Walking through it all in my mind. Last week the nurse practitioner told me if it takes more than 48 hours for the test results to come back the results are probably not good. She looked at me and said I really don't know why. I looked at her and said maybe they want to recheck them before they tell someone their life is f***. I called this morning. It had been a week today. They acted almost annoyed that I was calling again. Said they had me on their planner to call just as soon as the results came in. So what were the results. Same as they were before I ever got my cervix frozen in the first place. Still bad old cells that really need to get the heck out of my body to ensure my long life. So what is next is a procedure called "LEEP" or Loop electrical excision procedure. It basically means they are going to take a knife sharp looped tool and go in with a special scope find the cancerous or bad cells and use the tool to cut them out. They will go well below the places to ensure they get all of it. This all takes place with a local anesthetic and it all takes place in the doctors office not a hospital. I will go in and have the procedure and an hour later I'll be at my desk at work. Some bleeding and probable lots of pain. In and out. Just like that and I'm just suppose to take it with a grain of salt. Then more wait time, retest an go from there. In and out just like that. It's nerve racking at best, and today I found myself half wishing no one knew cause then I could bury my head and pretend it isn't happening. That isn't me though. I tell my stories, what happens to me and what I go through for several reasons. One to get it out so it doesn't drive me insane and two to help others who may go through this. I have had an enormous amount of support and women who have had the same thing happen to them and they give me encouragement. It's scary being a female and going to the gynecologists office. You just never know what they are going to say and each time I go I am more nervous than the last these days because all I want to do is have it all done and it just keeps going and going and going. I think my doctor can afford that new BMW now since I keep going in. Well that was just a quick update. I'll keep chugging along and I appreciate every one's support. Right now though I just want to get the next step done and go from there and forget it as much as possible. We'll see what happens. It's making me feel like a high school science experiment though. You know lets see what happens if we do this?
Sunday, April 15, 2012
For the last several months it seems all I have gotten when I go to places is tacky at best customer service. I think most of these companies have forgotten that the customers experience will decide whether they return or continue to do business with them or not. I know most of these companies have also forgotten that your customers experience good or bad comes from how the employee feels about their job. An example of poor service? Well I have several. I think other than the occasional shake I'll go get I've given up on the Wendy's in Fort Wayne. They are never really very friendly. They also assume things like that I would want a spoon rather than a straw with my shake. Yep. Last 4 times and they looked at me like I had three heads when I asked for a straw. To me it's like DUH Shake here. Then you almost have to beg them for napkins. I guess they are figuring that is what your sleeve is for. Now I say Fort Wayne because I have been to the Wendy's in Indy several times and it's like evasion of the body snatchers, they are friendly, polite, give you a spoon and a straw and OMG napkins! Your service in most of these places is not much better. I really think they need to think about their service before they act and whether that customer will ever return. I do most of my shopping at Meijer. Not because they have lower prices but because they are more helpful and friendlier than their competitor. I shop Target because their people are ALWAYS friendly to me no matter what and I know their prices are not the lowest. No matter how good a product is the service is what sells it in the end. I always use to tell a friend of mine that liked Ford's that I wouldn't have one. He said why they are gorgeous cars. I was like yeah but I like my car running. If you have a Ford and it works good my appologies but I have had nothing but trouble from them and don't know anyone else who's had good luck including this guy whose vehicle was in the shop (brand new vehicle) every time he looked around. I don't care if it's comfortable and gorgeous. The service on it sucks if it's constantly broken even if friendly people are saying sorry it's down again. It's just a fact in my life. One exception here is Ford Trucks now those suckers run and they run very well. Cars not so much. So as of late I've been watching my own avoidance of places from their customer service and getting discouraged because I just assumed there was no where left where you got good service. This past week I found a service center and employee that cared. I went to Midas on North Coliseum out by Kmart. I went in there at 5pm on Friday to have them check my brakes which were rubbing or pulsating. I expected hundred of dollars of work and prepared for the worst. Scott the guy behind the counter apologized and said they could check them but if they needed work it would have to be on another day since they close at six. His guy came out and said there is nothing wrong with them. Specs are fine. I said I know there's something wrong with them. Scott then went for a drive with me in my car so he could figure out what I was talking about. He said he'd learned the customer knew their car and if they said something was wrong it was. so it didn't take him long to agree with me. They just need reconditioned and cleaned. Old man winter had rust in there and it was making it hard for things to maneuver. So Saturday morning he fit me in, knew I had to be to work at 10:30 and promised to get it done in time. He gave me the remote to the television to flip through the channels and kept me updated on my car. While I was in there a homeless man came in and needed money. He gave the guy a couple of bucks. I was awed. Great, honest and friendly service and my work was completed just as promised on schedule. If this guy could bottle up what he has going for him and his shop and sell it to companies the economy would be booming and business would be back to giving good customer service. I don't wow easy. So for me this was a great experience. It was also a pleasant surprise to have great customer service and kindness all in one spot. Made for a nice start of a Saturday morning.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
I'm not expert but I'd be willing to bet that stress is a number one killer of people. It can do so much damage in such a short amount of time. I know I've had one killer headache since yesterday afternoon. I've waited four months for my test to see if my cervical cancer is gone. I'm hoping it is. I've found though that it is very common among women and I've met a couple that my treatment worked for and a couple it didn't. The ones it didn't had their cervix removed and were fine then. I've heard no horror stories of women dying although I'm sure there are a few who have. I also know there are worse things in life happening to people all the time. I try to keep that in perspective although again I'll tell you that what affects your life and soul no matter how small to someone else is huge in your own world. It didn't help that the woman told me that test results usually take 24 hours to come back if normal and 48 if not and no call today. I'm sure I'm on a list to call somewhere and all will be fine though. STRESS HAS BEEN ADDED. It is what it is though. Work has been less stressful, my personal life has been a little stressed. Over all though I'm good though. I'm looking forward to a great summer. I started walking again and I've been watching my diet. They started me on a thyroid medicine to hopefully help and I'm looking forward to seeing friends at the Elmhurst gathering on the 14th. I miss Rob. I remember him saying when I found out I had cervical cancer cells that we would get through this, he'd be here for me. I'm sure he meant it. I just wish he were here. I'm sure on some level in spirit he is. Hopefully the doctors will call tomorrow and I can move on with the next chapter. I know I'm strong though and with everything that happens in my life like this I grow stronger. I have great friends and family. I'm luckier than most. Well that is it on the update front for now. For now it's deep breath in and deep breath out and walk knowing God is with me either way.