Saturday, May 17, 2014
I never dreamed when I was a child I’d live past thirty, let alone be getting ready for my forty-seventh birthday this summer. Life is a strange journey. When I talk about my life with people some understand me, some think I’ve had a lot happen, some don’t believe me. It is what it is seems to be one of my favorite things to say these days. I didn’t necessarily follow a conventional path. I was never sure of much in my life. I knew I wanted someone to love me for me unconditionally. I always wanted children, but that is something I may never have and if I do it will be through adoption. I was born in the wrong error for me. Some of my family and friends will find this hard to believe but my perfect life would have been to have been a stay at home mom. With kids in the back yard playing, I’d be baking cookies and setting drinks out for all the neighborhood children. I would love to have kept a house and made someone who loved me happy. Careers are fine and I know there are some women who would kill for them, but that isn’t me. A job or a career is fine, but life is best lived with family, not with work or money. I’m not a material girl, as Madonna professed to be in one of her songs. I just need enough to pay my bills and live. My favorite times are sitting with family and friends, talking, watching movies or telling stories of days gone by. I love the park. I love taking walks and would love to get a bike and just ride. I spent twenty-four years in college studying different things. I love to learn. I love to people watch and speculate about what they are thinking and what kind of life they may have had. I am blunt and honest to a fault unless you give me justifiable reason not to be. I love life and the Lord, although you won’t find me often in church. Not because I don’t like going to church but because I won’t be a hypocrite and go in and pretend to be someone I’m not. I love the old regular Baptist church but if I went with my family I would not feel right with my makeup on because my mom and dad don’t believe that way. I feel I would be disrespectful to them. I don’t feel bad in my makeup though and I don’t think God is unhappy with me for wearing it. I have given Him plenty of other reasons not to be happy with me. I live and let live. I try not to judge people and I don’t want to be judged. I do know a liar when I see one though. There are all walks in this life. I recently told someone about some of my experiences. You see I’ve met the devil and I’ve met the Lord. I was lying in bed one night wide awake and saw Satin at the end of my bed. I was plenty scared but called on the Lord and he vanished. The lights were on and I was sober and awake. It was an awaking for me that he does exist and that I do need to live right. Funny thing is us humans are slow to learn at most things. The Lord, Jesus visited me in a dream. It was real. I felt unworthy and He came to me and walked and talked with me in my dream. He wanted me to understand that God doesn’t make anyone who is unworthy or unloved. I have dreams that come true, but I am not psychic nor do I profess to be. I do have the ability to know what people are feeling though and often that can be a pain in the rear. I have friends and acquaintances’ from all walks of life. I am lucky enough to have had really good, loving, caring friends for most of my life. The kind of friends I could ask anything of and I would do anything for. Then I have acquaintances which I have around for fun, but I don’t trust and with good reason. An example of one of these is a woman who doesn’t believe faith wise as I do. Said when we met she wouldn’t try to come between me and someone else, yet constantly tells that person I’m insecure, what I say can’t possibly be true, etc. This person is not good at hiding it’s her that does it either because they will tell me something and then say oh it’s not so and so I heard that from either. I know that person well enough to say that indirectly they are saying it is that person. I hate drama, but I have lots of it around me all the time. I feel that is because I won’t play the games that some people so desperately need to play. I won’t pretend to be someone I’m not. I won’t pretend I don’t believe the way I do. I have a very good friend who I know doesn’t believe in my dreams, he doesn’t probably believe I’ve met Jesus or the devil. The difference in him and this woman is he would never harm me with his beliefs or belittle me because of them. He would simply say nothing or say he doesn’t believe that way. I respect that because I will tell you some of the things I’ve witnessed in my life I would never believe if someone else told me. Some things you must see for yourself. I consider myself lucky though because I do know with certainty that there is life after death. Death is not an ending. I do have friends that know what I am saying is true from their own experience. I had a friend come to see me years back and before she could tell me why she came to see me I told her she was pregnant and even gave her information about the father of her baby. Psychic no, it’s that feeling thing I was talking about. Picked up on it, her emotions, I could feel that there was an extra life that was with her. Little did she know the journey she was beginning on, yet I doubt if you asked her today she’d trade it for the world. She has a beautiful daughter and granddaughter that mean more than most will ever have. So life has taken me farther and I will keep learning and growing because I am never really sure of much in my life. I’m not really sure where I’m headed or why I am who I am. I do know that life is what it is and that is all I need to know for now.
Posted by Sheila