Why I'm here....

Since I've always been quick with an opinion an old friend once lost and again found suggested that perhaps I should share with more people my commentary. Never being one to pass on a challenge I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

A Lady, I’m Probably Not

Again, I’ll start out by saying BROTHER beware, you may not want to read this being my brother and all. OK, with that said: “Are there truly ‘ladies’ out there anymore?” I mean the Webster’s dictionary says that a lady is a woman of refinement and gentle manners. I’m thinking I failed that test right there. Although I do think I’m polite most of the time and I do have manners, the refinement part might get a bit tricky. I suppose there are still a few ladies out there, my mother comes to mind. The word lady use to be a word that came with great respect and dignity but so many women these days seem to take offense to its use. Let me tell you right now I absolutely adore a man who pulls out my chair, opens doors for me, takes my arm or hand as we walk, walks on the outside so that cars are closer to him, brings me flowers and cares about how I feel. If he’s sensitive enough to realize a sweet note or an unexpected thoughtfulness now and then, I’m in heaven. What I don’t like that probably makes me unladylike? Well, I’m blunt. I don’t like to play guessing games and if I suspect a guy is out for sex and sex only I’ll probably halt the date before it’s ever gotten started. What do I mean by guessing games? Well, I know there are these supposed ‘rules’ to dating. I’m suppose to act shy, and maybe even a bit timid? Are you kidding me? Also per these great rules that they talk about I’m suppose to let the guy control the evening and talk about topics that he adores. OK. So maybe on a first date I can see these to some degree, but I am more into the line of thinking that if it’s going to be a good date there are things that should make both of us happy both to do and to discuss. What is it with one-sidedness and why do so many people seem so willing to settle? Why be with someone for the sake of being with someone or for the sake of getting sex? You can’t even imagine how many women I know that are sexually unfulfilled and afraid to tell their lovers what they want. Should they insult him, NO! I believe it’s more their fault than his that they are unfulfilled. He’s not a mind reader and I think most guys would love the opportunity to play if their partner would open up with them. Why can’t they be comfortable with telling him that although they love everything he does they would prefer this or that or would love to try ____? You fill in the blank with whatever it is you want to try. Why can’t couples communicate and be willing to try different things. I guess I am just an odd ball because I think you should be able to talk to your partner about what you want and what you need both in the relationship and in bed. I recently read a book where the guy’s whole philosophy on sex was “Ladies First”. Now wouldn’t you just love to meet this guy girls? I mean he picked partners who would please him, but he made sure they got what they needed before he did. If he looks half as good as he sounds I’m so there. So yes, I’m a little adventurous and a little outspoken on most things and I suppose I don’t fit the lady mold. My mother would so not be enjoying this article for instance because I am sure a ‘lady’ would never mention sex or even dare to speak of it in public, but then again like I said, a lady I’m probably not.


ida said...

you'd get sick and tired of the ladies first man after awhile. and normally they have many ladies to take care of. most of the time they are "traveling men" that travel around the world. i personally dont care if the man is boring anymore in the bed department. just make sure when i want it it's available and willing. (lol is that too outspoken?)

eithor way i am still going threw i am sick of men thing. not looking for anything at all. makes me want to go to the gym on that note. some men dont understand they have a good woman and then leave them without saying one word becouse they are too chicken to talk. i want a man that will talk. tired of chicken men. go to kfc if your going to be that way not to img.

Sheila said...

Well, U may be right Ida, but I'd still like the opportunity to find this guy. LOL...

Ritchie said...

Well, sorry I read it. There aren't many old fassioned men left. Until I read this I considered my self one, but they only thing I do normally is open doors. As far as pulling out chairs and walking on the outside I guess I wasn't the most thoughtful.

Keep in mind that "real life" happens. As much as we may adore the person we are with, we get busy taking care of things that need to be done. Providing for the family would be at the top of the list. As for flowers I would have done this more often for my ex-wife if we had not been broke all the time and she wasn't controlling everything. I couldn't spend a penny without it going past her watchful eye. I agree every once in a while we need to make the person we are with feel loved.

As for rules in dating, there is to much crap in dating from what I have read. For example: There is a rule that if I look away from the table while talking with a woman she will assume I am not interested or more interested in the waitress or another woman. Maybe I am just slightly shy or unconforatable around people I don't know that well? For me I am unconfortable around women in general as if I glance the wrong way it might send the wrong message? The two women that I went out with I told them up front I didn't believe in these rules for dating that I had read about. They were welcome to leave at any point if they didn't like what we were talking about. I think the first date should be about getting to know the person and deteriming of I want a second date. No expectations other than talking to get to know each other.

I personally would like someone who has my back. I would like someone who demostrates they care in small ways. For example: I went to the store one night for my ex-wife to get cold medicine it must have been about midnight. Didn't know where I would have to go to get this medicine. On several occassions I did let her sleep longer because she didn't feel well. I stayed with her at the hospital (slept in the room). I also bought flowers everyonce in a while and did other little things. Someone who would be willing to let me rest when I am sick and take care of me. Who would be happy being with me no matter what we are doing even if it is just sitting in a quite room. Someone to work through life with. We won't always agree on everthing, but we will work through it together.

As for the guy's out for sex, they are selfish and self centered. dump them and run. All parts of a marital relationship should be open for discussion. I won't comment on the rest.