Thursday, January 21, 2010
First Time in Over a Decade
I know a lot of people out there with the misconception that people who are large are that way because they are inherently lazy or love food to the point of gluttony. Now I am sure there are people for whom that is the case, but most of the people I know or have talked to or hell even my own personal experience would beg to argue otherwise. People who are large can be that way for medical reasons or for emotional reasons as well as out of shear laziness I suppose. I am predisposed to be over weight simply from genetics and from the types of foods my cultural background derived me from, but these are not things I can’t beat. My weight has always been a battle for me and one I thought I won in my early twenties, but one night in 1993 changed that for me. The battle was no longer won, I no longer cared about my health or my looks and so more than a decade of my life was lost to hiding behind closed doors and away from anything and everyone that wasn’t family or co-workers for the most part. Food was merely my blanket (Linus) and it gave me a false sense of security. With my recent loss of weight and my taking on healthy living and eating I have reawakened my desire to live life to the fullest though. It’s kind of like being reborn. There are so many things that are brand new to me again. Like going in a restaurant and eating food. I actually eat without wondering who’s taking mental notes of what I’m eating and blaming it for my weight. There is a lot of guilt when going out to eat and you’re heavy, well at least for me there was. Then there is the fact that I can now shop in any store in the mall for clothes. You don’t know what it’s like when you can only shop online or at the “big” girl’s stores. Let’s not forget that I can now go to any repair shop or doctor’s office and I don’t cringe at the site of the chairs in the waiting room with the arms on them. I can weight myself on normal scales, sit comfortably in the Movie Theater, walk around any store or the mall without being tired or achy, I wake up with energy instead of feeling drained, I can cross my legs, get up off the floor without any problems, wear seat belts made for normal people, sit Indian style in the floor and yes today I ran for the first time. True it took me 11 minutes to run a mile, but the last time I remember running I was more than a decade ago. What a difference an attitude change and a couple of years can make in a person. I absolutely love exercising and as for food, well, most sweets don’t even tempt me anymore. I love seafood and have found a whole group of it that is absolutely delicious, low calorie and even low sodium. I have more confidence and I am gaining more and more ground on that every day. I have had so many firsts lately that I’m just busting at the seams with happiness. I guess part of me feels some guilt about that seeing as how some others I know are having problems and issues, but I have finally come to the conclusion that I can feel for my family and friends and still lead my own life and take care of myself. So for the first time in over a decade I am enjoying life and living, well, not so large. ;-) Now if I could just win that lottery.