Why I'm here....

Since I've always been quick with an opinion an old friend once lost and again found suggested that perhaps I should share with more people my commentary. Never being one to pass on a challenge I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Friday, April 10, 2009

A Walk In My Mind.

Today was a rocky road for me. I got up in an OK mood, but events of the day made me feel somewhat anxious. When I get in one of these moods I have a tendency to need someone out of the picture just to talk to, not necessarily about what is going on, but just talk. I need a mental health get away you might say from the picture. So I text messaged a friend and asked him if he wanted to do an impromptu dinner. He did thankfully, even though I'm sure after my rambling on and on as I do when I'm stressed he may be questioning why. I am thankful for the evening though. It helped me to relax. Once I was home and in sweats and doing the laundry though I put on some music from days gone by and pulled out one of my many (and I do mean many) photo albums and took a walk down memory lane. The photo above is of me as you can see on August 27, 1991. My ex, the only one I really count, and I went to the Royal Gorge in Colorado. He was deathly afraid of heights but he managed to get out there to take this photo for me. I got him to walk across, but he wouldn't do it twice so we took the sky trolley back across. If you ask me the bridge had less chance of falling than that thing. Heights don't bother me though. I thought about those times with him and how happy I was and even though things didn't turn out in the fairy tale manor I would never trade those memories for anything. I guess that is just me though. I love my memories even when I've opted to put the person out of my life. Of course the man I knew then wasn't the one who exists today. Not in my opinion anyway.
Along the way I happened along this photo of Joe. Not sure what year exactly. I believe probably 90 or there abouts. I love the eighties hair. No matter what the hair though Joe has always been a very handsome man.
Turning the pages of my albums I found this picture here on the right. The two women are now deceased. The one standing is Avonelle. She was my aunt Sandy's Aunt. The one seated is my aunt Sandy that just passed away on March 30Th and the man is my uncle Ellis. This was at a huge family reunion that was held in a park. There are so many in my family that anything less than a hall or a park for a reunion would never be big enough. I have lots and lots of family. Of course it seems I am losing more of them all the time. I am blessed to have an extended family though in my friends, like Joe, Vincent, Barb, Diane, Chris and Ida to name a few. I am blessed because I believe with all my heart these people care about me. Some of them probably more than some of my aunts and uncles.

This picture on the left is of my Uncles... all but one that is. The second in left wise from the right side of the picture is my dad standing beside my uncle Ellis. The two men in the middle are now deceased. They are my Uncle Roger who died in 2005 and my Uncle Monroe who died on April 16, 2008. Back left is my uncle Ray and front left is my uncle Orbin. Orbin is a very talented musician or at least he use to be. I don't know if he plays anymore. He now has his own church.
The picture here is of my brother walking my first dog, Snickers. Snickers was very high strung. I loved him a lot though. He died on July 5, 2001. I still remember seeing him that day I took him to the vet to have surgery. It was gorgeous outside. He was just sitting there in the grass looking at me. Somehow I knew he wouldn't survive surgery and since he had cancer it was probably the kinder of options. My brother use to walk him all the time on the railroad tracks near the trailer park where I grew up. Yep, I grew up in a trailer park. I didn't lack for anything though. It was a great way of life on so many levels, mostly because I had the idea family. A loving mom and dad and a brother that I absolutely adored and got along great with. And if you look at the next

picture here on the left you will see a picture of my mom and dad walking on Caney Creek in Pippa Passes, Kentucky. I spent a lot of time there as a child. This road has been widened since this photo. So many things no longer look the way they did and so many people we would visit along this road are no longer among the living. Time really does fly by.
Here on the right is a picture of me and my ex sister-in-law. Even though this picture was done in jest when we first met we really didn't like each other very well, but over the years we became really close friends and a lot like sisters.
On the left is my beloved cat Basil in the prime of his life at my apartment I had in Popular Ridge. I had a lot of good times in that apartment and would have probably stayed there if it wasn't for the guy who lived behind me who invited me to a cook out one night at his place. I went and he told me all about my life. When I came, when I went. Who came and left my house and at what hours. He seemed nice enough until that. That was creepy. It was obvious he was watching me and since he lived in the apartment behind mine he had to be doing it on purpose since you couldn't see my place or when I came or went from his place. So I packed and moved out of fear you might say.

So after moving out of that place I moved to the house on Dale Drive. The house that had candles that lit on their own and music boxes that would play for no reason. I have hopefully many more years of memories to make, but looking back mistakes and all I don't think I would change anything. I like who I am now. With the exception I'd like to drop some weight I am happy for the most part. I Believe I am a better person now and a happier person and I have the life I lived to thank for that. I am who I am because of who I was and how I lived. Life's road isn't always easy, but no one promised me it would be. So thank you all that are in my life. Thank my friend for the dinner and conversation of this evening and thanks for the memories that shall always be in my mind as long as the good Lord wills them to be.

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