A Life of Seasons and Pet Peeves

I will be the first to admit that I live my life through my passions. I am a highly emotional person who feels things very deeply. I love completely. If I bring you into my life it’s really hard for me to let you go no matter what. Once you’re in my heart you’re there to stay. We all know life changes though. Just like the seasons there is a spring of newness, a summer of warmth, a fall where it grows a little colder and a winter freeze. It happens consistently every year and constantly. My friends will tell you, if they are honest, that I have the most forgiving nature of anyone you will meet. This is because I know we are all human and I know I do things daily that my friends loved ones and others could read as awful and worth a good chastising. I may give them my opinions, I may tell them I don’t like what they are doing or feel that they are wrong, but I love my family of choice by which others would call friends. I stand by them and support them and even offer them a shoulder if they need a good cry. As a friend recently said, it’s what friends do. When pushed though I will let you go out of my life if it’s the best choice for me. Human nature and self preservation always win out in the end. The last two months for me have been full of changes. They do leave me a little bit of an emotional wreck, but don’t worry I have a good support system to help keep me standing. I’ve lost a friend or two. One to death, the other well their choices made it so. It’s the way it goes. We all have choices in life. Me? I need to work on being more secure in things in my life. I have a tendency to live my life always expecting the other shoe to drop. That is good on one hand because when it does it isn’t as painful, but it’s bad in that we have a tendency to see things that aren’t there if we are expecting them to be. Kind of like the water on the road theory I would think. You know looking in the summer on the road far ahead it looks like water, but you get there and there isn’t any. So I’m working on that. I’m also working on having more patience. Not easy. I have a ton of pet peeves. I mean hearing 3 or 4 radios playing at work when I’m trying to work drives me nuts. There are things called headphones. I use mine when I listen to my music. Not as bad as the singing to the songs. This isn’t American Idol. Of course it kind of reminds me of the auditions. I probably shouldn’t finish my thought there. I’m trying to hold it in and not let it bother me. I like peace and quiet when I’m working. To each their own though. It’s not worth a fight or even a complaint and if I were going to I would complain to them if it got to bothering me that badly. What are some of my other pet peeves? Well right up there at the top is people blowing their nose at the table. Really, you think someone taking a bite of food wants to be reminded of your mucus flow? You could go to the bathroom you know. Manners, get up, excuse yourself and come back. I’m not talking about wiping your nose I’m talking about the people with the car horns for noses in restaurants. I have a tendency to believe they were raised in a barn and the pigs didn’t mind so you know why would anyone else? Then here is one that absolutely drives me nuts: Shuffling your feet instead of walking. Are you that damn lazy that you can’t pick up your feet when you walk? You know your ass might actually get some good out of the movement. It sounds awful and it suggests exactly what I’m stating that you are too lazy to do better. Here we go too… Really chewing with your mouth open and making smacking sounds? Do you think that makes you sexually appealing? I know I know. I have a lot of pet peeves and yes I know I do things that annoy myself and others. I’m opinionated and stubborn and very vocal. Sometimes I feel these things are a plus, but a lot of times they just get me in trouble. I also annoy myself by being overly emotional, but I chalk that up to my passions and desire. I’m very passionate about everything I do. It’s a blessing and a curse, but one I’ll gladly keep in this case. I am a person who has grown over the last couple of years to be a person who doesn’t like to hear all the negativity either. If you don’t have something good to say think twice before complaining. There is nothing worse than listening to someone and everything that comes out of their mouth is negative whether it is about their own life or their friends and family. Surely not everything in your life is that awful and perhaps you need a full length mirror so you can look into it and evaluate your life a little more closely because if it’s all negative you best be looking for some positive. Seasons change. People are there, and then they are not for one reason or another. One should enjoy them while they can. If you’ve lived the good times wisely and cherished them you’ll have something to reflect back on and hold tight to when the winter’s freeze of change grabs hold. Yes I know my life needs some work. I know what I want though. I want to have someone to come home to and make dinner for and take are of. I want to listen to them complain, argue with them, love them and make them happy. If I never have that though I still know that I have chosen my closest friends wisely. They are wonderful and loving and always there for me even when I do something stupid. I may have to pick them up off the floor when they stop laughing, but they are there for me. I have been blessed and I will work on my life this year to lose the remainder of my weight that I want to take off, get in the best shape I can and grow emotionally better. Patience is something I have never had, but I’m working on it. God Bless you all on your own journey. Anyone care to share what their pet peeves are? You can do it anonymously if you like. I know different things bother different people. Feel free to let me know. After all difference is good and sharing is better in a life of seasons and pet peeves.

Pizza Casserole

Pepperoni Pizza Bake
Prep time about 30 minutes
Back time about 40 minutes

What you need:

1 package (16oz) spiral pasta
2 cans (15oz) pizza sauce
2 pounds ground beef
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
2 cups milk
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
4 cups (16oz) Shredded mozzarella cheese
1 package (3-1/2 oz) sliced pepperoni

What to do:

Cook pasta according to package directions.
Cook the beef, onion, salt and pepper over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain and stir in the pizza sauce, garlic salt and Italian seasoning; remove from the heat and set aside.

In a small bowl, combine the eggs, milk and Parmesan cheese.

Drain the pasta and combine and toss with egg mixture.
Transfer to a greased 3qt baking dish. Top with beef mixture, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni.

Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Uncover; bake 20-25 minutes longer or until golden brown.

Makes 12 servings.

A Resolution of Lies.

This is the time of New Years resolutions that people make to hopefully improve their lives. Most of them enter into them with the best of intentions but will never even come close to carrying them through. This really isn’t because the person doesn’t want to or even is incapable of it; it’s normally because the expectation and the realization rarely coincide. Life if you think of it is exactly the same way. Human nature has us setting our expectations so high that when they don’t pan out the way we wanted we are left feeling bereaved and down. I try to keep my expectations of things in life simple. It doesn’t mean I don’t get let down or hurt I do and often, but it’s easier for me to bounce back because I understand we don’t live in a movie where things just happen to work the way we want and a pretty happy ending is sure to be. What do I look for in friends, family and lovers? I look for honesty. I would rather be hurt by the truth than crushed by a lie. I can work through almost anything with any of the aforementioned too as my friends will attest as long as they are forth right and willing to be straight with me. The problem is I think honesty is one of the hardest things for people to hand out. I’ve known people who lied about the stupidest stuff just because they thought it sounded better than the truth. Did it hurt anything? Yes. It hurt their own realization of life. Why do I say that? Because they are handing out the lie and living with the realization that what they have told wasn’t the truth and at some point they will probably come to regret it either because they wish the person knew the truth or because it comes out or because they have to face it. What is so comical to me is that usually if the person had told the truth things would have worked out for them, but when the lie is found they usually fall completely apart and sometimes so much so that they can’t be repaired. Again this is human nature though. I would be lying if I said I never lied about anything. I have to spare feelings and such, but I really don’t like to. I try to practice the rule of saying nothing before lying. It’s just easier in the long run. So what New Years resolutions might I have made this year? I want to lose the remainder of the weight I need to get off. I think that is a goal I will accomplish. I want to take better mental care of me. What do I mean by this? I often feel like people give or pay little attention to how things they say or do affect me or how they may or may not hurt me so I get bruised feelings. I’m going to simply start living with the principle of telling them or letting it go. It’s just got to be the way it is. So I think my second goal is quiet attainable to. I also want to work on being more financially stable. That one I don’t know. Time will tell I suppose. So in life I would advice you to look realistically at all aspects. People are human and they are not going to be perfect. They are going to lie about stupid stuff guaranteed. They are going to let us down and hurt us both knowingly and unknowingly. They are also going to make us laugh and bring us lots of love. As I’ve recently said to many in your relationships you have to way the pros and the cons and what you are willing to accept and what you’re not willing to accept. The biggest thing we each and everyone need to remember is that we have all done and all do these things to other people too. So before you tell a friend or a lover a lie next time think it through. Decide if silence or the truth is the better option because I can tell you for certain the lie never is the best way, not even in sparing feelings and I know I’m guilty of it too. Lies come back to taint and hurt that which is most precious to each and every one of us. So Happy New Year and may you make your resolutions and may happiness find itself at your door.

Sometimes In Life; A Year In Reflection

It’s definitely hard to believe another year is soon going to come to a close. It seems like the older I get the faster they go. That is such a scary thought. The holidays can be a time of great joy, but then also with reflection a time of great sorrow. This year has been full of both. I jumped back into the dating world this last year and I can tell you that has been a big eye opening experience into the human psyche and in issues of the heart. I made lots of new friends and lost some. One such person was a man named Jeff who had a heart of gold. He came into my life a year ago. A big teddy bear of a man who seemed to think I walked on water, although I assured him constantly I didn’t. He and I were just friends, yet he would text me several times a day, say words to cheer me up and always bring a smile to my face no matter how bad my day was. I have a feeling he did that for many people because it was the way he was. He died on December 13Th this year and somehow I just haven’t been able to shake the sadness of such a loss. He will be missed. He is missed by me very much so. It’s been a year where my parents got older and really began to show their age I think. Not in looks, but in feelings. I worry about them. One such incident was when I was out at a Subway with my parents eating and my mothers disease had her shaking so badly she couldn’t eat her sandwich. I had to buy yogurt and feed it to her. For her that must be very hard to know she couldn’t do it for herself. She’s a strong person though and most days her disease doesn’t get the best of her, but towards the end of this year it seems it’s had her more days than not. She needs lots of rest or she shakes really badly. I’ve been with my parents so much of my life I don’t know what I will do when they are gone. In August I started dating a man who makes my heart skip a beat. He’s kind and on so many levels everything I could ever want. It’s a scary thing to know someone could have your heart so completely, because it also means they could break it completely as well. I guess we will see what happens there. Time will tell. Finances have been strained this year for me and there isn’t much in the way of spare cash and as a matter of fact I spend most of my time playing catch up. I guess 2011 will be a time when I have to play catch up and get it all right. I put up a Christmas tree for the first time in a couple of years this year. I was feeling the Christmas spirit, but it also made me lonely somewhat as I sat alone on Christmas night watching television. Life is a funny thing. Our hearts want often what we don’t have. A wonderful man in my life named Mark though reminded me that I need to be thankful for all that I have and I am very grateful for all of it. That includes you my readers and my friends and that includes my family and friends. It includes a place to sleep and food to eat and all the other things I am thankful I have and am not in want of. I can’t help but be a little sad though at the loss of all those that we miss for they left us behind to move on. My grandmother Jessie & Lula Ann. My Uncle Monroe, aunts and cousins who’ve left us behind. My uncle Roger who left us with grace and dignity and showed us not only how to live, but how to die and how to love. My friend Jeff who loved deeply and laughed with us often, but secretly wanted nothing more than someone of his own to come home to. So although people can see sadness as a bad thing, it’s merely a reflection of our recognition of people we miss and dreams yet unfulfilled that we can work to fill. So as the year wraps up and time marches on I wish each and everyone of you a joyful life full of love and laughter. May you relish each day and when the tears come may you find peace in the knowledge that you are never truly alone and there is always someone here that will listen if you should ever need to talk. May you find your way to all your dreams and may Love fill your hearts with peace. God bless you all and may you have the Happiest of New years!

So Who Decides?

Is there such a thing as politically correct? I mean if you just sit and think about it these days we are catering to the few to spite the many. I suppose you want an example. There are a million examples to be given. We live in the United States of America. There are foreigners in our country and I’m good with that, what I am not good with is not flying our flag or saying the pledge of allegiance because we might offend them. I say offend them, if they don’t like it they can go home. This is AMERICA and it is our flag and our pledge of allegiance. Thinking of the pledge of allegiance, whose bright idea, was it to take God out of it? It offended a few so we take it out? What about the many who believe without God our country would perish? What about those who are proud to say it and offended us would leave it out? Then there is prayer in school. Now I’m not advocating making it mandatory and I’m not saying it should be school led, but if little Johnny wants to get on his knees and say a morning prayer he should be able to and it shouldn’t matter that someone else doesn’t like it. They don’t have to join and they don’t have to watch. There are lots of things that are offensive to me that I see as someone else choice and none of my business. Like putting Budweiser beer lights on a Christmas tree I find offensive. That is me though. If I’m in Johnny’s house and he likes it I have the choice of leaving or closing my mouth. I also find it offensive that people want to start calling Christmas tree’s, holiday trees. I don’t desecrate their holiday items by renaming it because a few people got their panties in a wad and I’d prefer they not do it to mine. I don’t care if the court house wants to put up a menorah. I’m cool with it. There is diversity. It’s something we need to embrace not throw out. Why is it ok to have celebrations for anything as long as it’s not a Christian Holiday? I’ll tell you one thing; the Christian people need to start speaking up. The reason the few are getting their way is because like spoiled little brats (yes I said it) they are throwing a fit and the government and all the other people out there who sit quietly are giving them what they want rather than say buck up it’s part of life. It’s like watching a parent in the stores and a child is throwing a fit so the parent gives it candy or a toy and buys it for them to get them to be quiet. The good parent would watch them throw the fit and then pick them up and leave the store and buy nothing. Why are we catering to stupidity? Sorry folks but I’m wound up. We are raising our children to be soft. We don’t want our teachers to tell them they are doing something wrong or poorly? Are you serious? I do. I mean how does it help little Johnny not to learn life lessons? If he doesn’t learn them as he grows he’s in for a shock when he hits the real world and he isn’t going to be prepared to handle it. When I was a child if you back talked a teacher and your parents found out you were getting a tanning and your parents were apologizing to the teacher. Now days if a child does that the parent wants the teacher to take it and say nothing and the parent won’t either. I can’t believe this is what we are coming to. I remember when swats in school were the norm and if you got one you were getting one when you got home too. I don’t advocate leaving bruises but I don’t see anything wrong with punishment and a little spanking. I survived and I wasn’t abused. You wonder why we have more kids growing up and committing suicide, well maybe we should consider that life is too tough for them because we aren’t teaching them to be tough or what the real world is as they are growing up. I lead a fairly sheltered life, but school taught me to be tough. I was shocked by a lot of stuff but prepared to deal with it because I had dealt with adversity growing up in school. Life is hard enough without being painted the pretty picture of life is great when you’re a child. We all know there are children out there that have it tough. There are children living in homes they shouldn’t which could be a whole topic of its own. The government watches what happens at school and slaps teachers for trying to teach respect and honor and pride, but when it comes to the home life they don’t care as long as the parent is providing a roof and food and clothing? Seriously there are so many things that are wrong and the more people say they are trying to fix them, the more they seem to F*** them up if you ask me. I guess I am just tired of a few people deciding what everyone of us should think, say and feel. I mean really we need to start speaking up. Those of us who don’t like to cause waves need to learn to surf the waters and bring in the tide. Do you even know who decides? Do you sit and say my opinion doesn’t count or who cares really? If we don’t take control of this soon our country is going to just keep getting in worse and worse shape. If you and I don’t decide then who does?

Mothers and Daughters

It's been a while since I've been in the mood, or had the time to write. Seems like this summer, especially towards the end got really really busy. I did make time for things that I feel are important in life though and one of those was spending some time with my mother in the kitchen. Mothers and daughters can either be very close or very far apart. I am happy to say I am very close with my mother and I enjoy spending time with her. I don't see any resemblance in the way we live our lives, but we always find away to communicate and enjoy ourselves. My mother by all means is the most peace loving and honest person you will ever meet in your entire life. She loves everyone and I can honestly say I've only seen her angry a couple of times in my life. She can work my nerves like no one else though. I think there is just some genetic code out there that lets a mother get under her daughters skin and move around. I know often times she doesn't mean to, but she does. I have no doubts I probably work her nerves some too. (NO eye rolling there for those of you that know me.) I've watched as my mother's disease has taken her back slowly over the past couple of years. My mom has Parkinson's and there are many things she will have to face with the disease. She's all ready having some problems talking. She loses her voice or has a weak voice often and she blames it on allergies but I've read on the disease and it is just what it is. Her shaking has some bad days, but luckily for all of us she still has some really good days. She's walking very very slow these days unless you put her behind a shopping cart. You would not believe how fast that woman can walk behind a shopping cart. I've tried to tell her she might want to at least think of using a cane to steady herself when not behind a cart but she is stubborn. That is definitely one thing she and I have in common. She has a hard time getting up and down and she stoops a little when standing. She's still my mom but it's heart breaking to see a woman so full of life and so willing to go on having these issues. She does exercises every day and eats well. She doesn't intend to go down without a fight. That is the fabric my mother is made of. So as I've watched my mother become more feeble the realization that she won't always be around has become ever so more real to me. I recently realized I didn't know how to make half the foods she cooks and that this knowledge would be lost unless I did something. I plan to try to learn as many of her food recipes as I can, but that won't be easy as my mother doesn't measure anything. She simply walks into a kitchen grabs this or that and tosses it in. Last year I tried several recipes for Peanut Butter Fudge that I found online. None of them could touch my mothers so recently I had her show me how she makes hers and I then made some for friends. It wasn't easy, but she went slow and I watched and tried to figure out measurements and took notes. I got it right I believe as my last batch I took friends should attest. There are so many things she makes I want to know how though. Like her cornbread. Now northern folks think that corn muffin stuff is corn bread. It's not. Cornbread is not sweet by any means. Cornbread is salty and very very good in a glass of milk when warmed. It generally is made in a cast iron skillet in the bottom of the stove. Other than that I can't help you on figuring it out, but I plan to. Isn't this the way it's suppose to be? I mean mothers pass things like this down to their daughters don't they? At least they use to. I think a lot of this type of thing is lost these days with technology and that is too bad. Either way you slice it there is nothing better than the bond between mothers and daughters. I love my mom very much and I've been very blessed to have had her in my life.

As The Season Turns Cold...

Winter is coming again. Another season is coming to a close and the bitterness and cold will soon sweep in and surround us. Time marches on as they say. I watch as those around me go through many changes just like the seasons. People who were married are divorced, while new couples spring up and work to stay together and make it last. I watch and take in every action, but try my best to stay in the back ground of those relationships. People are never as uptight and anxious as they are about relationships they have with people and trying to get evolved in someone’s relationship and give relevant advice is about as risky as sticking one’s arm down the open mouth of a live alligator. I’d say proceed with caution but who does that? It’s been another year of growth and learning for me. Some of the lessons have been good ones while others have been extremely painful. I have often said though when we stop learning we’re dead. Any of my friends will gladly tell you that I am more than willing to share advice though and give freely from my experience so that they might learn or laugh whichever strikes their mood. I hadn’t really dated in years before this past year. I gave up on meeting someone years ago for reasons we won’t go into at this moment. Needless to say as I always do I jumped right in with both feet and tried to swim. I sank like a dead body with a weight tied around me though if you ask me. Dating has changed since the last time in the early 90’s when I had done it last. I hadn’t done much of it at that time either. I had gone out with a few guys back then and had a couple of relationships, but I was extremely naïve back then and needy. Not that I wouldn’t say I am still needy cause I do need attention in a relationship, but isn’t that what a relationship is? I mean someone to spend time with and talk to? Over the year I have dated a wide variety of guys. I’ve, as I said, learned a lot. The one thing I know is that if you can’t take how a man is you need to move on. You can’t go into a relationship with a list of demands on what needs to change. I mean you can ask for little things like: “please put the toilet seat down when you’re finished” and he might listen. I really wouldn’t hold my breath, but don’t try changing the big stuff. If he’s into porn that isn’t likely to ever change so if you can’t stand a man who watches porn you need to walk away. If he’s into kinky sex and you’re not walk away. That isn’t a tendency that is likely to change. This isn’t to say a man who spends a lot of time with porn might not find he doesn’t need it anymore once he’s with you, but why take the chance if it’s something you can’t live with? The plain and simple truth in my book is if you’re going to love a man or woman you need to be able to love them warts and all. My dad tells a story of how my aunt came home packing her bags a few months after being married because she was angry that her husband spent so much time hunting. He says my grandmother looked at her and asked her if he did it before they got married. When she said yes my grandmother sent her home because it was something she knew about he did before the marriage. It shouldn’t have been something she asked him to change afterwards. I’ve never understood why certain things were expected to change after marriage myself. Yes dating other people, sleeping around and that sort of thing should change, but having a life shouldn’t. There should be couple time and each should have some individual time. I have never understood why one wouldn’t want to spend a little time apart so that they can miss each other. It makes those times together so much nicer don’t you think? I also think people put way too much stock in stereotypes. We could write a book about the mistakes with stereotyping people of either sex. Not everyone is going to fit a profiled type. Either way you write it down this year has been a journey and an interesting one. For me it’s been one of growth and understanding of both myself and of the opposite sex. The one thing I know is if a person makes you happy while you’re with them and they are attentive and calling and texting then be happy with that. I take the happiness where I find it. I really don’t understand those who have to try to change their mate or worry 24/7 about what the person is doing in the time they are not with them. If they make you happy when you’re together enjoy that time while it last because who knows when it won’t be that way anymore. So as this season turns cold I’ll smile at the lessons learned and at the ones I know are yet to come. Whether they are good lessons or bad ones they are part of life and are what help us to grow.