Why I'm here....

Since I've always been quick with an opinion an old friend once lost and again found suggested that perhaps I should share with more people my commentary. Never being one to pass on a challenge I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Monday, September 27, 2010

As The Season Turns Cold...

Winter is coming again. Another season is coming to a close and the bitterness and cold will soon sweep in and surround us. Time marches on as they say. I watch as those around me go through many changes just like the seasons. People who were married are divorced, while new couples spring up and work to stay together and make it last. I watch and take in every action, but try my best to stay in the back ground of those relationships. People are never as uptight and anxious as they are about relationships they have with people and trying to get evolved in someone’s relationship and give relevant advice is about as risky as sticking one’s arm down the open mouth of a live alligator. I’d say proceed with caution but who does that? It’s been another year of growth and learning for me. Some of the lessons have been good ones while others have been extremely painful. I have often said though when we stop learning we’re dead. Any of my friends will gladly tell you that I am more than willing to share advice though and give freely from my experience so that they might learn or laugh whichever strikes their mood. I hadn’t really dated in years before this past year. I gave up on meeting someone years ago for reasons we won’t go into at this moment. Needless to say as I always do I jumped right in with both feet and tried to swim. I sank like a dead body with a weight tied around me though if you ask me. Dating has changed since the last time in the early 90’s when I had done it last. I hadn’t done much of it at that time either. I had gone out with a few guys back then and had a couple of relationships, but I was extremely na├»ve back then and needy. Not that I wouldn’t say I am still needy cause I do need attention in a relationship, but isn’t that what a relationship is? I mean someone to spend time with and talk to? Over the year I have dated a wide variety of guys. I’ve, as I said, learned a lot. The one thing I know is that if you can’t take how a man is you need to move on. You can’t go into a relationship with a list of demands on what needs to change. I mean you can ask for little things like: “please put the toilet seat down when you’re finished” and he might listen. I really wouldn’t hold my breath, but don’t try changing the big stuff. If he’s into porn that isn’t likely to ever change so if you can’t stand a man who watches porn you need to walk away. If he’s into kinky sex and you’re not walk away. That isn’t a tendency that is likely to change. This isn’t to say a man who spends a lot of time with porn might not find he doesn’t need it anymore once he’s with you, but why take the chance if it’s something you can’t live with? The plain and simple truth in my book is if you’re going to love a man or woman you need to be able to love them warts and all. My dad tells a story of how my aunt came home packing her bags a few months after being married because she was angry that her husband spent so much time hunting. He says my grandmother looked at her and asked her if he did it before they got married. When she said yes my grandmother sent her home because it was something she knew about he did before the marriage. It shouldn’t have been something she asked him to change afterwards. I’ve never understood why certain things were expected to change after marriage myself. Yes dating other people, sleeping around and that sort of thing should change, but having a life shouldn’t. There should be couple time and each should have some individual time. I have never understood why one wouldn’t want to spend a little time apart so that they can miss each other. It makes those times together so much nicer don’t you think? I also think people put way too much stock in stereotypes. We could write a book about the mistakes with stereotyping people of either sex. Not everyone is going to fit a profiled type. Either way you write it down this year has been a journey and an interesting one. For me it’s been one of growth and understanding of both myself and of the opposite sex. The one thing I know is if a person makes you happy while you’re with them and they are attentive and calling and texting then be happy with that. I take the happiness where I find it. I really don’t understand those who have to try to change their mate or worry 24/7 about what the person is doing in the time they are not with them. If they make you happy when you’re together enjoy that time while it last because who knows when it won’t be that way anymore. So as this season turns cold I’ll smile at the lessons learned and at the ones I know are yet to come. Whether they are good lessons or bad ones they are part of life and are what help us to grow.

2 comments:

Ritchie said...

Please forgive me if this sounds like I am preaching. I agree that if there are things with the person you are dating that are "deal breakers" then you need to move on. If you don't and you accept them then you need to just deal with it. The biggest problem I see with relationships is people are too selfish and don't try to see things from their mates perspective. Or they just plain want their own way. Then communication breaks down. When you become a couple there is no I anymore. It is US.

As for Porn, this is an addiction just like achohol and drugs. It isn't impossible for the guy to give it up. When one takes the marriage vows they vow to love, honor, and cherish the other person. Is looking at porn hornoring and cherishing the other person? I don't think so. Most likely if he is looking at porn there is other problems in the relationship or he has a bigger problem he needs to battle. Does this person who looks at porn have wondering eyes? Is looking at porn cheating? I have heard some men say they can look, but not touch Say what? Via the bible I don't think so! Women are to cherish their husbands as well and try to understand what he is dealing with. Men and women are definately different in the way they think about things. There is a good book all men should read it is titled "Every Man's Battle" written by Steph Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. And yes it is a religious book based on bible teachingings. I rarely read books, but I have read this book and some of the techniques in this book I was already using and some of the techniques I went AH HA! The book explains a lot.

As far as the small things both parties should be willing to work together. Like the toilet seat. I wouldn't want to sit down and fall into the water of the toilet so it only makes sense that I should put the seat down when I am finished. Of course some people comon sense left the building.

I have given up on dating completely.

ida said...

lol. for once in my life i am speachless. ritchie said it all for me. i dont know the book he talks of. but, i would assume, its good for both men and women alike. and i agree with ritchie. i am not even interested in dating. i need alot more from a relationship then most men want to give. i want the total package. peacefulness, knowning God, loving God, wanting to share life with me, smiles, hugs, love for my friends and what family i do have. i want someone that is honest, and truely beleives that i am honest also. i want someone to wipe my tears and remind me that we do have a good life. and i want a man that is within a 10 min drive or so. what i need and desire is not on the internet. its not in a paper. its not on a phone. its real. and its loving. Good luck sheila. sometimes its better being alone.