Judge Not...

I am the queen of over thinking things. Lately my hormones (due to medications) have been a raging mess. I cry at the drop of a hat. Commercials make me cry. Now if you know anything about me you know I am not the type to cry easy so this is really screwing with my head. Then with the fact that my mind is constantly going you know I’m bound to make mistakes. Oh, well. I have always tried not to judge other people and let them live their lives. I let them make their mistakes without my imputing my two cents to make them feel worse when it falls apart, but I am human and as a human we judge things all the time. We judge people by how they walk, how they speak, how they dress and even who they date or hang out with. We make pre-conceived opinions based on stereo types that society has set in place. We judge foods, and jobs as well as books and movies and music. The bible tells us not to judge unless we want to be judged, well I have found the last few times I’ve been judgmental about anything it has come back to bite me in the ass. My biggest problem I have with judging people is I have a tendency to expect people to react like people from my past. I know everyone has been hurt, but I carry scars that appear to cause me to keep making the same mistakes. I expect people to let me down eventually. I look for it. I wait for it. It shocks me when they don’t or when I assume they have and I find out they haven’t. It’s a learning experience I suppose. Hopefully it’s one that doesn’t keep happening and doesn’t cost me happiness. Recently someone asked me what I want out of life and out of a relationship with a man. It’s easy really. Out of life I want enough money to pay my bills, a place to rest my head and for my body to be in shape and healthy. Out of a relationship I want my best friend. I want someone who is willing to share everything with me whether it’s their heartbreak and tears or their laughter and smiles. I want someone who even when they aren’t in the mood will still give me a reassuring hug or touch. I want someone I can depend on and someone who depends on me. I want honesty. I think honesty is the key to everything and yet sometimes I forget to open my mouth and offer it. I want someone I don’t have fear with. I want someone I can be proud of and someone who is proud of me. I want someone I could see being a good dad and a good lover. I want someone who can give me guidance and advice and can do it lovingly. I guess you could say I want it all. Hey don’t judge me. Doesn’t everyone want it all? So I’ll keep trying to judge not I suppose. What about you?

We Survived...

I suppose a lot of my childhood was just like anyone else’s. I mean my brother and I would stay out until the sun went down either riding our bikes or playing baseball, basketball or cowboys and Indians. My brother and I were extremely close growing up and we still are. For that I am very grateful. I remember very well the carefree days of youth. There were no bills and for the most part no drama. Well, if there was drama we weren’t the wiser for it. I remember making mud pies, literally. I think my mom still has a donut I made out of mud. It hardened and she kept it. My mom is the best on every level. She’s the most caring and kind woman you will ever meet and I could never come close to holding a candle to her compassion and sincerity in her love of people. There are so many fond memories I could share of growing up. I really did have a good childhood. I remember in the summer sleeping until about eight in the morning, getting up and lying in bed and watching “Big Valley” and then after eating a bite of breakfast going out to start the day. Every day was an adventure. We would climb trees, build forts, and play in the bushes. Spies were everywhere and whether it was just my brother and I or a whole gang of kids we never seemed to get bored as today’s children claim to. We were outside until lunch and then inside only long enough to eat. Let me tell you that food was predictable at our house based on the day of the week. If it was Friday for lunch you were most likely having soup and for dinner frozen pizza and pizza rolls. Sunday was a bucket of KFC. Wednesday was McDonalds and so was Saturday on occasion. My dad was really big into routine. He still is. I love my dad and on so many levels he’s a good guy, but I never quiet fit up to his standards in anything. Lord knows I use to try. I gave up. After lunch my brother and I would head back out for more adventure and we would always welcome the mailman. Our neighborhood mailman loved kids and often had candy and would spend time talking to us. He was a good guy. It was sad when he died when I was about eighteen. We would gather the mail and give it to mom then off for more adventure. I’m sure knowing our mom she checked on us, but if she did we weren’t aware of it. As far as we knew she didn’t see us unless we checked in with her. At dinner we went in again to eat and then off again until the sun went down. Life as a child was an all day adventure. Bored? We didn’t know what that was because we knew how to pretend. Today’s children need that too, but most often I fear they are stuck in front of computers, televisions or game systems. Now there is nothing wrong with any of those in moderation but I think it would be sad to miss out on a life of fun and playing because of them. Today’s government probably wonders how we all survived until adulthood. I mean we didn’t have curfews, we played all over the neighborhood and no one had constant view of where we were. Amazing isn’t it how much time has changed. Each generation see’s those types of changes I suppose though. We did get our fair share of bruises and cuts though. I remember once stepping on a board that had a nail sticking out of it. I froze and wouldn’t move and lift my foot off of it so my brother went and got my dad. Funny but I’ve stepped on nails twice in my life… aren’t I lucky? There was another time we were playing touch football and my uncle (whose only 1 year older than me) dived for the football and took out my lower leg. I didn’t break it but it sure swelled up really badly. Then there was also the time I was pitching and my brother was batting and he beamed me in the eye with a baseball. Yeah we had our share of bruises, but it probably just made us tough. I feel sad that I don’t think a lot of children these days are experiencing those things. I have good memories throughout my life, but some of the best are from childhood. What memories do you have that you would share?

The Right’s and Wrong’s of Idiocy

“id·i·o·cy
n. pl. id·i·o·cies
1. Extreme folly or stupidity.
2. A foolish or stupid utterance or deed.
3. Psychologically: Idiocy is the state or condition of being an idiot; profound mental retardation.”

Yes, you do have the right to be wrong. I will never argue that point with anyone for any reason. You have the right to be a lot of things, which perhaps you really don’t want to be. So what has me on this topic? Service and work in America. When did it become baby-sitting and non-caring and cold? I have tons of examples of what I am talking about so sit back because we could be here all day. Now granted I am not the calmest of people. I can be excitable so my first tale of woe is not out of character for me, but I was sleep deprived or I probably would not have been quiet so mean. At a local restaurant on Sunday night I met some friends. I really wanted to see them, but knew I was exhausted so I probably should have passed. I ordered two stuffed peppers (they are small), a side of lettuce, side of tomatoes and a side of fries. (No I shouldn’t have had fries). Now I understand the peppers are normally an appetizer, but everyone else was ordering food. I waited tables for 18 years part time and I can tell you I would have asked me if I wanted them brought out right away or with everyone’s dinner. Now I could have forgave the bringing it all out to me as an appetizer, but the guy shows up with two peppers. No lettuce, no tomatoes, no fries. Ignorance is a sore spot with me. Mistakes I can handle but ignorance, not so much. To me, and I know this is only my opinion and I do have the right to be wrong lets not forget, it’s common sense that I at least didn’t order a side of tomatoes and lettuce to go with my French fries. I am just saying. OK, so we are not training kids to think these days either. We are raising a bunch of lazy and ignorant kids. (NO NOT ALL OF THEM) I happen to know a few young people that are very smart and work, but it’s few. A lady at the gym yesterday asked me if I had noticed the under thirty crowd didn’t seem to want to work in the work place I was like – uh, yeah. Again I am not talking about all of them. True story: A couple of years ago I went through Rally’s drive thru. My bill was $4.85. I gave the kid a $5 bill. His computer went down. He hands me 42 cents back. I then explained to him the error of his way and he had me wait while he went and got his supervisor, who then stood there and used a calculator to figure out the difference in $5 and $4.85. No apologies for my wait, although I’m sure the look on my face was priceless. We can’t tell our children in school that they are doing wrong or that they are incorrect. What kind of horse manure is that? Our kids shouldn’t be treated shabby, but they need to learn the reality of the real world. Telling them they are doing well at something but perhaps they should try it this way when they totally mucked it up is stupid. Whoever decided that needs my booted foot to meet their… Anyhow, I suppose I should get off what’s wrong with American dance, this is about idiots and their rights. I really don’t want to stray that far off topic. I remember when working in the work place was good. Yes I am old enough to remember that. I remember wanting to do a great job and wanting to make sure my supervisor succeeded just as much as the company and I did. I worked hard and it felt good. In those days companies gave you an assignment and then let you run with getting the task accomplished. I’m here to tell you that anyone out there working today knows this isn’t true. First of all most supervisors have forgotten that their success comes from making sure you succeed and that having smart people below you and listening to them makes you succeed all the more. Ask Donald Trump and he will probably tell you that he got to where he is today because he had great people behind him. The person who forgets or tries to walk on those below them often fails. If I were to guess I would also guess that Donald Trump doesn’t micro manage the hell out of everything. A good manager or supervisor will hire people they can depend on and then turn them loose to run with it and only come to me if you have to type basis. Most supervisors today loose so much precious time and energy because they have to know every little thing going on below their supervisors. They have to put in their style and taste and heaven forbid the supervisors under them do anything they don’t like. Most I managers I have seen are unapproachable (We do have a really good director where I work who is very approachable, we are lucky in that respect) and even if they say they have an open door policy they make you feel subservient and unwelcome. Not to mention that whatever you throw out there you can almost feel their inability to really hear it because it isn’t the way they feel things should be. A lot of your management these days has the book smarts; they just don’t have the people skills or common sense to go with it. I’m talking all companies that I have observed too. I watch these places like fast food restaurants and department stores and it’s easy to see even if you don’t work there. That is what sucks for them even more is that the eye that isn’t there every day, the customer can see it. I went to McDonald’s a few weeks ago to meet my dad and brother for breakfast. The store manager was running the register because they were short staffed. Now, I as well as anyone can understand being short staffed, but she looked up at me and said nothing then turned and walked away. I stood at the register a good five minutes before she ever returned and then I spoke to her. She goes uh sorry we are really busy so many people called off. One) I don’t care. I feel for you but as the customer I don’t need to know your people called off and I’m not stupid if you were staffed as a manager you would not be taking orders. Two) Acknowledge me with a good morning I’ll be with you in a moment and it might save pissing off a customer and I might be a little more understanding of your situation. I am just saying…. Another thing I HATE and don’t necessarily agree with when a supervisor says it: “Well we can’t make everyone happy.” I might agree that everyone is not going to be happy all the time, but I’m guessing most people will settle for content and it really shouldn’t be that happy to at least aim for pleasing the majority of your staff so that they feel like working for you. OOOOOHHHH and here’s one for you that is just too funny… “You do such a good job at it and I know you won’t complain even though you don’t like doing it.” OK, so I hate it and I have never complained about having to do it periodically because I am a team player so you put me there on that task for three weeks. Gees maybe I should start complaining and not work so hard at it? No that isn’t me I will still work hard at it, but it won’t get me a warm and fuzzy feeling towards management. It’s kind of like the dog going outside to pee instead of on your rug and you beat it anyway, after a while the dog will pee on the rug. LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ONE – “I really know personally I don’t do well at that job”… so lets stick me in that job, because after all you have the right to be wrong and you really didn’t want it done well anyway did you? You want me to act like an adult and do my job? OK, how many times have we heard supervisors in all walks of life say that? Then why do they treat you like children at recess? People will act the way you treat them. If you tell a child over and over again that they have problems or are a bad child, guess what, it’s not rocket science that they will start to believe it and act that way. Same thing goes with good employees. If they get lumped into the evil employee category sooner or later they will be bad employees. It is going to happen. I have another lovely example of ignorance in the working world for you. Come on, you knew I did. When working second I got to I would go to Meijer when I needed something instead of Wal-Mart. Now usually I could find it cheaper and get it for less at Wal-Mart so it doesn’t make sense to pay more when one can get it for less in only a shorter distance does it? Let me explain why I did then. Wal-Mart employees will not help you at night if you need something that is down an isle they have closed off for sweeping. You can’t maneuver around the store because they have crap out everywhere and again they won’t help you. They have one lane open with what is usually the world’s slowest check out person who ever existed. I responded with some thoughts on this to them on a survey and their local supervisor of the West Jefferson Wal-Mart’s called me and talked to me. No apologies for my troubles, no thanks for the feedback, but what he did say: Well late night is the best time to do that stuff that puts our customers out and they only have so much time to get it done so they don’t have time to get stuff for customers and it has to be done at some time. Now how does Meijer approach it? They are actually smiling at one in the morning. The employees who are stocking ask you if they can help you and if an isle is closed own they go under the tape and go get whatever it is you need. If you forget something and are at the register they will send someone back for it. The isles are not as cluttered, and they seem to get it stocked in the allotted time. They apologize for being in your way. It’s a different experience and one to me that is with the small financial difference. I go where I get treated well. Simply put the management probably doesn’t beat their employees down and they realize the customer has needs that need to be met. It really isn’t rocket science. There are rights and wrongs of idiocy and most often companies big and small just have them wrong. Of course that is their right.

Believe In Yourself --- You CAN Do It!

THEN...

If you don't believe in yourself why should anyone else believe in you? I'm very familiar with weight issues and the enormous amount of self doubt and self loathing that can accompany the extra pounds. I'm really familiar with the pain associated with the aching joints when one is carrying around extra weight and trying to walk. I remember very well walking around Meijer in agony and even on occasion having to sit half way through the store on one of the benches to rest before I continued. I remember thinking there was no way I could ever lose the weight. It wasn't possible. I wasn't in good enough health. My knees were bad. My back had problems. I couldn't breath right. I had a million reason's not to exercise. By the way I no longer have any of those problems. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't like myself and I really could think of no reason to try to change. I was depressed and lonely. I had withdrawn from my life except for work and family. I know you've heard the story before. It really does come down to believing in yourself and wanting it so badly you can taste it. I believe this is pretty much true of anything you want to do. If you believe in yourself and surround yourself with a good support team you can do it. I buy clothes now that are a little snug. They remind me to not eat so much. I force myself to go to places that use to be a tight fit as a reminder that I need to keep working at it. I don't always eat what I should, but I do try. I love exercising now. I love that I can hop in and out of the car and quickly go into the store and grab what I need and I don't have to worry about the pain and the problems I use to. I love that I get attention and not for the same reasons I use to. So if you're wanting to stop smoking or lose weight or anything else. Just ask yourself how badly you want it. Remind yourself you are capable of anything and then believe it. I believe in you, so now you just need to believe in yourself. You really can do it.

----------->>>>>>>>>>>>NOW---->>>>>>

The Age Old Question...

When did we as a society stop respecting age? I mean I know that no one wants to grow older, but I am proud of my age. Hell I’m proud that after all the stupid mistakes I’ve made in my life and illness I’ve had in my life that I’ve lived as long as I have. With age comes wisdom, uh, most of the time anyway. Now I admit to having some vanity. I mean I do cover the gray hair, although it’s more I don’t like the way it looks than the fact that I care about it being a sign of age. I would rather not have any wrinkles. I would rather the girls were perky. I would rather not have the aches and pains that come with time, but I am proud of my age. I also think I don’t look my age, which is a good thing. I have a hard time understanding when people are upset by their age to the point that they lie about it or try to hide it. I suppose society has driven them to it, especially if they are women. I mean it’s perfectly ok for a man to age, he is called distinguished. A woman is just called old. A man with a much younger woman is considered OK and lucky. A woman with a much younger man is considered a cougar. A woman can have children into her early fifties usually, while a man can have them up to the day he dies. Somehow all these things just are not right. Statistically a woman will outlive her mate if the same age by about ten years. I find that fascinating on so many levels. A person’s age and dating is its own beast of burden. Do you want someone older or younger or would you prefer them to be your age. Some people think it makes a big difference, I really don’t. My grand parents on my mom’s side were sixteen years apart as well as I have an aunt and uncle about the same and several cousins who have married someone well their senior. They all seem to be happy. I think when you’re looking for a mate that it should be about compatibility. You need to find someone who you can enjoy time with, someone who likes things you like. As I told someone yesterday though if you are not in love with a person I don’t think you should ever marry them. True love, does it exist? Yeah I think it does. Even if we are not talking relationships though and are just talking age in general I find it sad that the American people have forgotten to wonder and marvel at their elders. I miss the days of sitting on a porch and listening to the old timers telling stories. I miss my neighbor Mr. Wall with all his adventures. People for the most part anymore want to just put the elderly in a retirement home and forget them. At least it appears that way to me. A few years back I did some volunteer work and sat with some elderly to keep them company at a nursing facility and I found it sad that some of the people there the nurses said their families never visit. A lot of cultures out there do respect their elders and take care of them in their own homes. For whatever reason though here in the good old United States of America we have forgotten that they were once young, they were once us, and they deserve to be respected for all they have given. Heck even the government is letting them down with the faltering Medicare and Social security benefits that are way past needing an over haul. I find beauty in seeing an older couple walking and holding hands. I for one don’t find age repulsive and I know personally when you get to know someone the beauty on the inside can make them very attractive regardless (notice I did not type irregardless as it is not a word per a very good friend of mine.) of the packaging on the outside. Vanity reigns high in most people’s lives though. I find nothing wrong with trying to look your best and be your best, but age should not be something we cower from. Every day we live is another day of wisdom and in my book another day of respect we should have earned. I aspire to be Crabby Roads by the way… So how do you feel about the age old question?

It Is Better To Have Loved and Lost… Really It Is.

Some people might argue the point that love can be painful. I suppose they would be correct. Even if it isn’t love sometimes it can tug at your heart. The plain and simple truth to me though is that it is better to take the chance and live in the moment of happiness. Some people never enjoy the happiness they have in the moment because they are too worried about what may or may not happen tomorrow. I’m not saying I don’t ever worry, I do. I’m just saying that you have to grab on to whatever bits and pieces of happiness you can find in life. I guard my heart very closely due to past experience, but as of late I have tried not to guard it so closely that I can’t feel in the moment. Most days I am happy and run about my life content and looking forward to each and every day. Days like today though find me a little blue and melancholy. They find me pondering if I should put the walls back up around my heart or continue to feel. I opt to feel. Life really is too short to miss every opportunity and I know way too many people who spend their time alone because they are afraid to take a chance and to grab on to what is offered. My neighbor, Don Wall, passed away on Saturday, May 15, 2010. In a previous article I spoke of him. I admired the man. He was 86 years old. He had married a girl out of high school, one he cared for and one he came to love with all his heart. He told me once that to make a relationship work and to make it turn to love you have to be willing to over look the small stuff and work on understanding the bigger issues and working through them. I can work on almost anything, but I have trouble when someone lies to me, even if it’s to protect my feelings. I suppose that is because I have been let down so many times and lied to over some pretty serious stuff. I want honesty. I give honesty to a relationship. If I am dating you I will tell you the truth or say nothing at all. I do not lie to the person I date because I do not expect them to lie to me, not even to spare my feelings. Where am I in my life? I am getting ready to turn 43. I have maybe 6 to 7 years to have a baby if I want one, which part of me does, but not without a partner. I’m not one of those women who want to raise a child on my own. I’m working on getting in shape. I hope to have that completed in the next 6 to 9 months. I want a partner and a friend. I think marriage has a better chance of succeeding if you are great friends, good lovers and love grows. I don’t know though. Maybe I have it all wrong. We’ll see where life takes me over the next couple of years. I do know even if I get hurt though I will keep allowing my heart to reach out to others. Life is better with love in it. There are so many different levels of love and there is a lot to be had and to give. I know people, divorced, who fear letting anyone else in. I can understand this, especially if they have been burned, but life wasn’t meant to be spent alone and no matter how close we may be to brothers, sisters, parents, friends, the freedom and bond you share and the comfort you have with a lover is something that can’t be compared. I think it would be sad to go all ones life without one and trust me I did so for 17 years. I let a lot of hurt and fear creep in. I was afraid to let myself feel. I still am to some degree. I like to think I am growing though and learning and becoming more secure in who I am and what I want. I like me I believe for the first time in my life. I like who I am becoming and that is partly in thanks to someone I have been seeing and it’s largely due to my desire to better myself and actually experience my life instead of hide it away. Yes, if you open yourself up to love you may be hurt. It happens. With my ex, David, I got hurt. There was a lot of bad, but even now I wouldn’t trade the good memories I had with him for anything. They are memories. They are a part of me. I love the song, “The Dance”, by Garth Brooks. It pretty much says it all doesn’t it?

"The Dance"

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known how the king would fall

Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance

It’s Not Just For Kids….

What am I talking about? Cheerios cereal is what I am speaking about of course. You thought I was talking about Trix didn’t you. I mean that is what the commercial always claimed, that Trix was for kids. At the health club yesterday I got into a conversation with several women and found that I am not the only one who uses cereal as a snack instead of eating it in a bowl with milk for breakfast. I don’t like milk so I don’t drink it very often and I need the fiber and some of the vitamins you can find in cereal so I will often package up a baggie with cereal and eat on it as a snack throughout the day. I figure it beats candy and junk food and it can be very beneficial in many ways health wise. I was going to type up some facts, but I found a WEB page that has it all ready done for me, so check it out… Add a little cereal to your diet and avoid that mid afternoon candy bar.

http://www.acaloriecounter.com/breakfast-cereal.php