Why I'm here....

Since I've always been quick with an opinion an old friend once lost and again found suggested that perhaps I should share with more people my commentary. Never being one to pass on a challenge I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

It Is Better To Have Loved and Lost… Really It Is.

Some people might argue the point that love can be painful. I suppose they would be correct. Even if it isn’t love sometimes it can tug at your heart. The plain and simple truth to me though is that it is better to take the chance and live in the moment of happiness. Some people never enjoy the happiness they have in the moment because they are too worried about what may or may not happen tomorrow. I’m not saying I don’t ever worry, I do. I’m just saying that you have to grab on to whatever bits and pieces of happiness you can find in life. I guard my heart very closely due to past experience, but as of late I have tried not to guard it so closely that I can’t feel in the moment. Most days I am happy and run about my life content and looking forward to each and every day. Days like today though find me a little blue and melancholy. They find me pondering if I should put the walls back up around my heart or continue to feel. I opt to feel. Life really is too short to miss every opportunity and I know way too many people who spend their time alone because they are afraid to take a chance and to grab on to what is offered. My neighbor, Don Wall, passed away on Saturday, May 15, 2010. In a previous article I spoke of him. I admired the man. He was 86 years old. He had married a girl out of high school, one he cared for and one he came to love with all his heart. He told me once that to make a relationship work and to make it turn to love you have to be willing to over look the small stuff and work on understanding the bigger issues and working through them. I can work on almost anything, but I have trouble when someone lies to me, even if it’s to protect my feelings. I suppose that is because I have been let down so many times and lied to over some pretty serious stuff. I want honesty. I give honesty to a relationship. If I am dating you I will tell you the truth or say nothing at all. I do not lie to the person I date because I do not expect them to lie to me, not even to spare my feelings. Where am I in my life? I am getting ready to turn 43. I have maybe 6 to 7 years to have a baby if I want one, which part of me does, but not without a partner. I’m not one of those women who want to raise a child on my own. I’m working on getting in shape. I hope to have that completed in the next 6 to 9 months. I want a partner and a friend. I think marriage has a better chance of succeeding if you are great friends, good lovers and love grows. I don’t know though. Maybe I have it all wrong. We’ll see where life takes me over the next couple of years. I do know even if I get hurt though I will keep allowing my heart to reach out to others. Life is better with love in it. There are so many different levels of love and there is a lot to be had and to give. I know people, divorced, who fear letting anyone else in. I can understand this, especially if they have been burned, but life wasn’t meant to be spent alone and no matter how close we may be to brothers, sisters, parents, friends, the freedom and bond you share and the comfort you have with a lover is something that can’t be compared. I think it would be sad to go all ones life without one and trust me I did so for 17 years. I let a lot of hurt and fear creep in. I was afraid to let myself feel. I still am to some degree. I like to think I am growing though and learning and becoming more secure in who I am and what I want. I like me I believe for the first time in my life. I like who I am becoming and that is partly in thanks to someone I have been seeing and it’s largely due to my desire to better myself and actually experience my life instead of hide it away. Yes, if you open yourself up to love you may be hurt. It happens. With my ex, David, I got hurt. There was a lot of bad, but even now I wouldn’t trade the good memories I had with him for anything. They are memories. They are a part of me. I love the song, “The Dance”, by Garth Brooks. It pretty much says it all doesn’t it?

"The Dance"
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared 'neath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn't I a king
But if I'd only known how the king would fall
Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I'm glad I didn't know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I'd have had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance


Ritchie said...

I hope you find the person you were meant to be with. I would be extreamly happy for you. Having had a failed marriage and three years to think about it and having the words of my parents echo in my ears here is my opinion on what it would take to have a good marriage. Yes, you need a partner. Someone to work through life with. Someone who is on the same page spiritually (regions differences will be the biggest issue), on the same page as far as life style, someone who is on the same page as how to spend the house hold finances (the second biggest issue will go hand and hand with life style most likely), someone who is willing to help out around the house (note, I said help out, not do it all or have you do it all), someone who is on the same page when it comes to disciplining the children and how to go about raising them, and someone who is willing to see the real you not what they see on the outside and who isn't selfish or self centered. Someone who you trust explicitly and who you can talk with about anything. Someone who will treat you well. You will both be happy just to be together even if you are just sitting on the patio in lawn chairs watching the clouds go by. As I guy at work said if you really love that person and they love you neither of you would do anything to screw up the relationship. I guess I would be asking for a lot.

I am one of those people who doesn't know if he can let the walls down around his heart. I was lied to for fifteen years. That is a little tough to get over. The only found memories I have are the birth's of my two children. Other than that there isn't much else. I was too tired and frustrated to enjoy life. I am much happier now. If I ever do go again and as Garth Brooks says "Dance" then the first thing I will be asking is "Is the person I am dating on the same page with me on the important issues?". Faults, we all got them. I could have looked over faults in my marriage if I had been treated like I meant something to the other person. Like my health and welfare was important to them. You know my situation I don't need to go into it here.

Joe said...


ida said...

i read your post and cried. fully understanding. then i read richies post and fully agreed with him and cried some more. i'll be honest sheila and ritchie. i dont think i ever want to be with another man again. my heart is so broken up. i wish i could say it was one person or another that lied to me. and perhaps in some of the relationships i was partley to blame. but, my heart hurts so badley from lies from several men, and my own family. thats its hard for me to trust again. if my own family didnt cast me off like a leper perhaps it would be easier on me. oh well, i got to stop thinking negitive. i dont plan to love again. but, if it ever happens it will be with someone that is my best friend first and that i know everything about and that i wont change a thing about them. or even hope for change. and i would hope they would respect the fact that my big joy for retirement is to be near my daughter and sit back with some ice tea to enjoy a sunny day. i'm tired of working a night shift and i'm tired of being tired. tea and sun during the day. and perhaps a tv program at night thrills the heck out of me and once a month perhaps a dinner out. i've traveled well. i've "lived the life" now i want to live life at a much slower pace and just smile and not worry. whooo, whooo my big retirement. perhaps go down to the va for my big medical appointments. and shoot the breeze of remember desert storm lol.