"I don't believe in self-pity. It only brings you down.
I may be the queen
of broken hearts, but I don't hide
behind the crown. When the deck is stacked
against me, I just play
different game, My roots
are planted in the past and though my
life is changing' fast, Who I am is who I
wanna be" - Reba McEntire's
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Facing the Fear
Walking in on one’s worst fear and attempting to stay is something I can attest to is not an easy task. I have been all about trying to conquer my own fears over the past year. I have faced things I thought I never would and dared to do things I never cared to even contemplate. Imagine if you will being confronted with a haunting memory from the past, something that gripped you so badly that it controlled you for more than a decade. The scene you walk into very similar and the feeling in the bottom of your stomach that of sickness and fear. You can feel every inch of your spine tighten and every breath seems like a chore. You consciously are aware of every time you move about the room your brain has to be told to move your arms or your legs. Your hands tingle with a numb awareness that you are ready to grab the car keys and find the nearest exit. You bite your lip at the awareness that your legs may not support your flee. It’s almost as if a slow motion picture is playing out in front of you. You’re physically there, but somehow it’s not real. Inside you are filled with memories of days long gone by and of a time and place that no longer exists except for in your fears. Can time repeat itself? You are faced with the decision of staying and facing your fears to finally put them to bed or turning on your heals and running back into the safety of your own private world. Should a person stay and face it so that it will no longer control them or should they tuck their tail and run? I suppose one could say I’ve done a little of both. I am a firm believer these days that you must face life head on and that wallowing in self pity and fear gets you absolutely nowhere. There are no nights in shinning armor that are going to ride in on their white steeds and save the day. It’s up to each and every one of us to live our lives and to make the best of what we have. I’ve preached this before I know, but it’s not changed in that you can choose to wallow in self pity or you can pick yourself up and make the most of each and every day. I personally think if a person hides the way I did for so long they truly are not living, but are merely existing. One could argue they are merely taking up space on an all ready overly crowded planet. Then there are always regrets and mistakes. Good Lord knows I make enough of them that if they were the pre-requisite for giving up on life I would have long jumped in the open grave and let someone shovel the dirt on top of me. We all make bad choices and we all have regrets. It took me many years to realize that. Sometimes it can feel as if the world is only beating us up and that the rest of the world hums along without any problems. I know that isn’t the truth, but it would be easy to believe especially when a bunch of issues and problems all seem to accumulate at our door step at the same time. Ever have one of those dreams that you are running and going nowhere as the monster creeps slowly up behind you? Your feet just aren’t getting you away fast enough or they are moving but it seems like no matter how fast you run the monster gains ground. Yeah we all have those don’t we. Sometimes life can feel that way to. Next time you’re having that dream take control of it, stop in your tracks, spin around and kick the monsters a**. Go ahead you can do it. The same as you can face your fears in real life. You can choose to forge on and be the best and have the best life you can possibly make it out to be. Everyone has problems, fears and regrets. It’s how we handle them and how we live that makes the difference.