Wednesday, December 23, 2009
The Spirit of Christmas.
No matter my mood or my problems at Christmas I always take time on Christmas Eve and on Christmas Day to thank the good Lord in Heaven that he is and always shall be the true spirit and meaning of Christmas. His blessings are many although during times of hardship sometimes it is hard to see. Life is never easy for anyone. If you think it is then you need to walk a mile in those people’s shoes because no matter how good someone’s life may seem, everyone does have their own demons to deal with. This year as Christmas approaches I know my family has it’s to deal with. You’ve all watched my posts of frustration. There is a part of me that wants so badly to hate the person causing the grief in our life. I don’t truly hate her though. You see I don’t even think she’s capable of understanding that she is to blame on so many levels no matter how many shrinks she cons into saying otherwise. I really believe she needs to get some help herself and that she needs to devote herself to that. I have been telling her for a long time that her son is angry at her because he isn’t feeling loved by her and definitely doesn’t feel like he rates above his sister or his mother’s girlfriends. I have attempted to understand and not judge because I have loved this woman like a sister for a very long time and it’s hard to believe a betrayal that wounds so deeply. Your mind tries to talk you out of it, but in essence I feel betrayed. I know her son feels betrayed. I have always been sensitive and often know things about people or feelings that they have without them ever having to express them. This woman once asked me if I thought she was a good wife and mother and I avoided answering it because I didn’t want to hurt her by telling her no. Part of me wishes I had, but then that would be spiteful now wouldn’t it? There was also a part of me that hoped she was changing and that she would understand that true love is not selfish. When you love someone you want what is best for them. You don’t know the countless hours I did many shopping trips that took all day, when all I wanted to do was be home, with this woman. It was because I cared. Looking back we pretty much always did what she wanted. As I write this there is actually a small part of my heart aching and breaking at the thought that she’ll read this and be pissed because there is no way it will be read with understanding. Her son needs her to be a good mother. His dad says that is all he wants if it could happen for the happiness of his son. If she can’t devote herself to being a mother for her children’s sake then she needs to give him or them to their dad. She can see them when she likes then at her leisure and devote more time to being their mother when she’s with them. There are so many issues’ there right now and they have me frustrated. I do have some empathy in all this for that person though. Their childhood was far from good in my opinion. I also realize that I am not without my faults so I really don’t want to judge anyone. That is another reason it’s been so hard on me because I do know I have done atrocious things in my life; however, I would never put anyone before a child of mine. Hell I would never put anyone (lover that I take to the Hockey games my son use to get to go to in place of him) in front of my nephew and niece. Their needs come first. They are children. They didn’t ask to be born. They will only be small for a short period of time and they need to be allowed to have a childhood that is good. Not one with coming home to their mom after summer break for her to be in bed with some strange person she met on the internet. There are all kinds of issues here that need to be addressed, but I am only a person on the outside looking in. Legally I can’t do anything about it or trust me I would. So I am sorry if my post as of late has been somewhat a downer. I don’t mean for them to be. I really am thankful for much more than it appears. I have good friends and a good job. I have the best brother a person could ask for and a loving and caring mom and dad. I had a childhood where I was loved. I will be surrounded by loved ones all weekend and will have family and friends to ring in the New Year with. I do have a lot of blessings. I am also thankful that God sent his son so long ago for me to have the opportunity to repent and find salvation. My wish for everyone, more than getting presents, is that tomorrow and Friday you feel the love that is Christmas all around you and that you take a moment to pray for those that don’t. Tip your waiters and waitresses who have to work a little more, smile and laugh with the cashier at the store or gas station that is stuck working, be thankful for our troops who stand guard over our great nation. Thank your hospital staff’s and your zoo keepers, your firemen and your police. For all these people who work on the holiday would truly rather be with their family but they are there helping us and providing for us and seeing that our holidays are filled with every opportunity. Take a moment to thank the good Lord for the very air you breathe and the life you live, for after all this is truly the true spirit of Christmas.