Why I'm here....

Since I've always been quick with an opinion an old friend once lost and again found suggested that perhaps I should share with more people my commentary. Never being one to pass on a challenge I thought I'd give it a whirl.

Monday, April 18, 2016

Do You Bleed Red?

Sometimes I poke myself with a lancet to see if I still bleed red.  I mean I must be an alien after all.  I don’t seem to have the same opinions as others and they sure as hell don’t seem to think I should have feelings or needs.  Do I dare dream?  One wonders.  I was brought up with good old fashioned morals and values.  I was taught manners and to do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.  I get disillusioned with people when they don’t react in a way I feel appropriate. Perhaps I should be poking them to see if they bleed red.  We are all humans with human needs and desires.  We all have things that bring us joy and things that bring us pain.  No one likes to feel odd man out, but there I’ve stood most of my life.  I know there is no right or wrong in this world anymore and to hell with black and white.  There are so many shades of grey one wouldn’t be able to see any other color if they tried.  We’ve built a society full of selfish and indulgent people.  Of course that is exactly the way the Bible says it shall be in the end, so I suppose that really shouldn’t surprise me any.  I guess my difference started when I was young.  I mean I liked playing alone in my own world of imaginary hero’s.  I would go off on my bike to rescue whomever needed it and I would often spend long hours in my room listening to music and trying to interpret how the person who wrote the song was feeling at the time they wrote it.  Then there was the interpretation of the singer.  I wonder if they really understood the point that the writer was trying to convey.   I often thought I did, but as I revisit those songs in my older years I realize I only now truly understand most of them.  I never really felt part of any group.  I remember when I was growing up wondering if I were from another planet and dropped here.  I wondered if other people felt the way I did.  I never felt truly like I belonged anywhere until I met one of my best friends, Chris.  She seemed to accept me completely for who I was and truly growing up became like a sister and is still family to me today.   I have lots of family that has come to accept me.  I’m not sure that accepting and understanding are always the same thing though I suppose if anyone would they would know me best.  I am also very thankful for my sweetheart.  He’s been the answer to a long awaited journey of trying to find someone who sinks up with me and loves me without trying to change me.  He’s been more than patient and understand and often fined amusement in my odd/off the wall since of humor.   Don’t get me all.  I love all my friends, so many, too many to list.  I also know I have family and friends that may feel the same way.  It’s just hard at times being me.  I don’t fit society’s norm of what a person should be.  I don’t find countless hours of drinking and partying fun.  I’m game for a couple of drinks and some cards or even sitting and talking with people around a fire but I’m not the parting type. I also sometimes get lost in my own thought and find myself sitting while others are talking not saying a thing, just thinking and wondering.  When I do open my mouth my commentary is not always interpreted the way I meant it.  It comes off as argumentative or impassive.  I suppose it is what it is.  I also know I really am like my astrological sign in most ways.  I am a crab and I will hide away in my shell if I feel betrayed, hurt or lost.  It is who I am, but I also know that in my journey of trying to do, I’ve given my all.  You see I do bleed.  There are things that can hurt me.  Even superhero’s need to cry every now and again.  

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