There are places I can’t go. Some are physical and some lie in the dark corners of my mind. It seems odd to think of places that you might drive by every day and to stop just puts the weight of sheer dread and panic into your very soul. It seems even more than strange to know that when a thought crosses my mind I need to push it away or spend an entire evening crying and wishing for what can’t be. There are movies I can’t watch and there foods I dare not eat for fear of thoughts that will bring me down. Most days I have no problem keeping myself perked up. I may fall for a brief time but I usually dust myself off pick myself up and move on with my day. Then there are times when I just question why. I wonder why it is that I get so attached to people, places and things that they can have such an outright and profound effect on me. I don’t feel like other people. Someone may wrong me, but instead of staying angry I rarely am angry for more than a fleeting moment. Then it’s just hurt that fills in the empty spaces where they once were. Doesn’t matter what role they played in my life because if I chose to put them in my life my heart valued them like a priceless heirloom. It’s just the way I’m made. I don’t make lots of time if I don’t care. Often that caring is misunderstood and so is my hurt at their impeding irreverence to how I might feel about what they’ve done or what they are about to do. I often see the writing on the wall. I just don’t want to face what I see. I don’t to feel that someone could value me so little or cast me aside so easily. It’s simply who I am. I love deeply and passionately. There are places I can’t or should I say I won’t go for fear that the pain this time will be more than I can bare. Perhaps that makes me strange or perhaps it just leaves me to be simply human.