A Resolution of Lies.

This is the time of New Years resolutions that people make to hopefully improve their lives. Most of them enter into them with the best of intentions but will never even come close to carrying them through. This really isn’t because the person doesn’t want to or even is incapable of it; it’s normally because the expectation and the realization rarely coincide. Life if you think of it is exactly the same way. Human nature has us setting our expectations so high that when they don’t pan out the way we wanted we are left feeling bereaved and down. I try to keep my expectations of things in life simple. It doesn’t mean I don’t get let down or hurt I do and often, but it’s easier for me to bounce back because I understand we don’t live in a movie where things just happen to work the way we want and a pretty happy ending is sure to be. What do I look for in friends, family and lovers? I look for honesty. I would rather be hurt by the truth than crushed by a lie. I can work through almost anything with any of the aforementioned too as my friends will attest as long as they are forth right and willing to be straight with me. The problem is I think honesty is one of the hardest things for people to hand out. I’ve known people who lied about the stupidest stuff just because they thought it sounded better than the truth. Did it hurt anything? Yes. It hurt their own realization of life. Why do I say that? Because they are handing out the lie and living with the realization that what they have told wasn’t the truth and at some point they will probably come to regret it either because they wish the person knew the truth or because it comes out or because they have to face it. What is so comical to me is that usually if the person had told the truth things would have worked out for them, but when the lie is found they usually fall completely apart and sometimes so much so that they can’t be repaired. Again this is human nature though. I would be lying if I said I never lied about anything. I have to spare feelings and such, but I really don’t like to. I try to practice the rule of saying nothing before lying. It’s just easier in the long run. So what New Years resolutions might I have made this year? I want to lose the remainder of the weight I need to get off. I think that is a goal I will accomplish. I want to take better mental care of me. What do I mean by this? I often feel like people give or pay little attention to how things they say or do affect me or how they may or may not hurt me so I get bruised feelings. I’m going to simply start living with the principle of telling them or letting it go. It’s just got to be the way it is. So I think my second goal is quiet attainable to. I also want to work on being more financially stable. That one I don’t know. Time will tell I suppose. So in life I would advice you to look realistically at all aspects. People are human and they are not going to be perfect. They are going to lie about stupid stuff guaranteed. They are going to let us down and hurt us both knowingly and unknowingly. They are also going to make us laugh and bring us lots of love. As I’ve recently said to many in your relationships you have to way the pros and the cons and what you are willing to accept and what you’re not willing to accept. The biggest thing we each and everyone need to remember is that we have all done and all do these things to other people too. So before you tell a friend or a lover a lie next time think it through. Decide if silence or the truth is the better option because I can tell you for certain the lie never is the best way, not even in sparing feelings and I know I’m guilty of it too. Lies come back to taint and hurt that which is most precious to each and every one of us. So Happy New Year and may you make your resolutions and may happiness find itself at your door.

Sometimes In Life; A Year In Reflection

It’s definitely hard to believe another year is soon going to come to a close. It seems like the older I get the faster they go. That is such a scary thought. The holidays can be a time of great joy, but then also with reflection a time of great sorrow. This year has been full of both. I jumped back into the dating world this last year and I can tell you that has been a big eye opening experience into the human psyche and in issues of the heart. I made lots of new friends and lost some. One such person was a man named Jeff who had a heart of gold. He came into my life a year ago. A big teddy bear of a man who seemed to think I walked on water, although I assured him constantly I didn’t. He and I were just friends, yet he would text me several times a day, say words to cheer me up and always bring a smile to my face no matter how bad my day was. I have a feeling he did that for many people because it was the way he was. He died on December 13Th this year and somehow I just haven’t been able to shake the sadness of such a loss. He will be missed. He is missed by me very much so. It’s been a year where my parents got older and really began to show their age I think. Not in looks, but in feelings. I worry about them. One such incident was when I was out at a Subway with my parents eating and my mothers disease had her shaking so badly she couldn’t eat her sandwich. I had to buy yogurt and feed it to her. For her that must be very hard to know she couldn’t do it for herself. She’s a strong person though and most days her disease doesn’t get the best of her, but towards the end of this year it seems it’s had her more days than not. She needs lots of rest or she shakes really badly. I’ve been with my parents so much of my life I don’t know what I will do when they are gone. In August I started dating a man who makes my heart skip a beat. He’s kind and on so many levels everything I could ever want. It’s a scary thing to know someone could have your heart so completely, because it also means they could break it completely as well. I guess we will see what happens there. Time will tell. Finances have been strained this year for me and there isn’t much in the way of spare cash and as a matter of fact I spend most of my time playing catch up. I guess 2011 will be a time when I have to play catch up and get it all right. I put up a Christmas tree for the first time in a couple of years this year. I was feeling the Christmas spirit, but it also made me lonely somewhat as I sat alone on Christmas night watching television. Life is a funny thing. Our hearts want often what we don’t have. A wonderful man in my life named Mark though reminded me that I need to be thankful for all that I have and I am very grateful for all of it. That includes you my readers and my friends and that includes my family and friends. It includes a place to sleep and food to eat and all the other things I am thankful I have and am not in want of. I can’t help but be a little sad though at the loss of all those that we miss for they left us behind to move on. My grandmother Jessie & Lula Ann. My Uncle Monroe, aunts and cousins who’ve left us behind. My uncle Roger who left us with grace and dignity and showed us not only how to live, but how to die and how to love. My friend Jeff who loved deeply and laughed with us often, but secretly wanted nothing more than someone of his own to come home to. So although people can see sadness as a bad thing, it’s merely a reflection of our recognition of people we miss and dreams yet unfulfilled that we can work to fill. So as the year wraps up and time marches on I wish each and everyone of you a joyful life full of love and laughter. May you relish each day and when the tears come may you find peace in the knowledge that you are never truly alone and there is always someone here that will listen if you should ever need to talk. May you find your way to all your dreams and may Love fill your hearts with peace. God bless you all and may you have the Happiest of New years!

WEBCAM?

It's no secret that me and technology are not friends. My friends that are into it though keep dragging and pulling me by the hair to get me caught up. I guess I'm just not overly fond of it. I mean I am one of those people, that although I have gotten use to my cellphone I dream of days gone by when you could actually escape away from everyone to places where you could not be reached. Remember going on vacation and not talking to friends and family while gone? Not to mention that I think a great romantic get away would be to go off to a cabin together with no cellphones, no televisions, no computers. Wow! I know I'm going crazy here aren't I? I just think that sometimes technology goes a little over board. I mean when you're sitting at a table with someone and you're texting them rather than talk to them there is a big problem if you ask me. Now, I have to admit to having done it if I wanted to say something private, but our kids are doing it just because it's how they communicate, so what is the harm? They are forgetting how to communicate face to face. I actually heard a radio spoof about a man whose daughter brought him his cell phone (local DJ) then went back up stairs to her room and text him the question of when dinner would be. Couldn't she have just walked down and asked him? So I finally entered into the WEB CAM game. I bought one, a cheap one to start. I didn't want to invest a lot of money until I found out if I liked it. So the verdict is I like it. It's kind of fun to be able to see the person you're talking to and have them see you, but it does have it's draw backs too. It has definitely added another layer to the online dating thing. I mean this way you can ask them if they have a cam and you can offer yours and you can see before you meet what they actually look like. What a concept. Yes the pictures on this post were taken with the web cam. The one that is blurry was my first attempt. I am getting better. So what are your opinions of modern technology? What about WEB Cam's? Do you own one? Would you want one? What ways do you think they are good or not good?

What Makes A Friend A Friend?

I’ve been blessed in my life to have some of the most wonderful friends, who not only care for me, but will go above and beyond for me. They are in essence my family of my own making. I have family members that I love and care a lot about, but I am not close with very many of them. Some of this is due to distance and some of it is due to busy lives and never taking the time. Then I suppose there are those that just don’t give a damn about me. Blood makes us family by blood. We can choose to grow that bond strong, as my brother and I have, or we can choose to just see it as what it is, blood. To me though family is someone who is in your heart and on your mind and they are the people you want to see happy and healthy. Not that you don’t want everyone happy and healthy, but your self imposed family is one that you worry about. So what makes a friend a friend? I believe a true friend is one that won’t say things intentionally to hurt your feelings, but won’t lie to you if asked a direct question. I believe they are there for you if your car breaks down or if they can’t be they call around until someone is or call you a cab and send it your way, but they make sure they are there for you. I believe a friend is someone you laugh with and someone you cry with. I believe they are a person who will give advice yet respect your decision not to listen to it. They will love you even when they know you are dating the world’s biggest loser and rejoice when you are dating a saint. They will watch you melt down and go insane yet will stay steady by your side. (True they may put you in a straight jacket, but hey…) A true friend will not betray you intentionally. (We all slip from time to time) They will not get angry at your other friend choices even if they don’t agree you should be friends with them. They will not judge you, even when they think you’re nuts. They will bail you out if they can and if they can’t they will visit you in jail. (Hopefully I never have to test that one.) A friend sits with you when you’re sick and makes you chicken soup. They try to make you laugh when you’re sad and they are always sympathetic to your mood even when they want to slap you silly. I am blessed because most people are lucky I they ever find one fiend this way. I have several. You all mean the world to me. Your cheering me on during my weight loss and listening to my ramblings as I am getting ready to start my third year of blogging have meant the world to me. I started this blog on July 14, 2008 at the suggestion of one of these very special friends. I have received an over whelming amount of emails and comments and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I’m glad I didn’t ignore his advice on that one. I am honest so there is nothing I have put in my blog I would ever hide, even though I probably don’t want my parents reading it. They have a hard enough time understanding me and accepting how different from them I am. So again I thank my friends and my readers and I welcome all emails or comments. If I don’t always post your comments sometimes I find them very personal and am selfish and don’t share. So what makes a friend a friend to you?

Believe In Yourself --- You CAN Do It!

THEN...

If you don't believe in yourself why should anyone else believe in you? I'm very familiar with weight issues and the enormous amount of self doubt and self loathing that can accompany the extra pounds. I'm really familiar with the pain associated with the aching joints when one is carrying around extra weight and trying to walk. I remember very well walking around Meijer in agony and even on occasion having to sit half way through the store on one of the benches to rest before I continued. I remember thinking there was no way I could ever lose the weight. It wasn't possible. I wasn't in good enough health. My knees were bad. My back had problems. I couldn't breath right. I had a million reason's not to exercise. By the way I no longer have any of those problems. I didn't believe in myself. I didn't like myself and I really could think of no reason to try to change. I was depressed and lonely. I had withdrawn from my life except for work and family. I know you've heard the story before. It really does come down to believing in yourself and wanting it so badly you can taste it. I believe this is pretty much true of anything you want to do. If you believe in yourself and surround yourself with a good support team you can do it. I buy clothes now that are a little snug. They remind me to not eat so much. I force myself to go to places that use to be a tight fit as a reminder that I need to keep working at it. I don't always eat what I should, but I do try. I love exercising now. I love that I can hop in and out of the car and quickly go into the store and grab what I need and I don't have to worry about the pain and the problems I use to. I love that I get attention and not for the same reasons I use to. So if you're wanting to stop smoking or lose weight or anything else. Just ask yourself how badly you want it. Remind yourself you are capable of anything and then believe it. I believe in you, so now you just need to believe in yourself. You really can do it.

----------->>>>>>>>>>>>NOW---->>>>>>

It Is Better To Have Loved and Lost… Really It Is.

Some people might argue the point that love can be painful. I suppose they would be correct. Even if it isn’t love sometimes it can tug at your heart. The plain and simple truth to me though is that it is better to take the chance and live in the moment of happiness. Some people never enjoy the happiness they have in the moment because they are too worried about what may or may not happen tomorrow. I’m not saying I don’t ever worry, I do. I’m just saying that you have to grab on to whatever bits and pieces of happiness you can find in life. I guard my heart very closely due to past experience, but as of late I have tried not to guard it so closely that I can’t feel in the moment. Most days I am happy and run about my life content and looking forward to each and every day. Days like today though find me a little blue and melancholy. They find me pondering if I should put the walls back up around my heart or continue to feel. I opt to feel. Life really is too short to miss every opportunity and I know way too many people who spend their time alone because they are afraid to take a chance and to grab on to what is offered. My neighbor, Don Wall, passed away on Saturday, May 15, 2010. In a previous article I spoke of him. I admired the man. He was 86 years old. He had married a girl out of high school, one he cared for and one he came to love with all his heart. He told me once that to make a relationship work and to make it turn to love you have to be willing to over look the small stuff and work on understanding the bigger issues and working through them. I can work on almost anything, but I have trouble when someone lies to me, even if it’s to protect my feelings. I suppose that is because I have been let down so many times and lied to over some pretty serious stuff. I want honesty. I give honesty to a relationship. If I am dating you I will tell you the truth or say nothing at all. I do not lie to the person I date because I do not expect them to lie to me, not even to spare my feelings. Where am I in my life? I am getting ready to turn 43. I have maybe 6 to 7 years to have a baby if I want one, which part of me does, but not without a partner. I’m not one of those women who want to raise a child on my own. I’m working on getting in shape. I hope to have that completed in the next 6 to 9 months. I want a partner and a friend. I think marriage has a better chance of succeeding if you are great friends, good lovers and love grows. I don’t know though. Maybe I have it all wrong. We’ll see where life takes me over the next couple of years. I do know even if I get hurt though I will keep allowing my heart to reach out to others. Life is better with love in it. There are so many different levels of love and there is a lot to be had and to give. I know people, divorced, who fear letting anyone else in. I can understand this, especially if they have been burned, but life wasn’t meant to be spent alone and no matter how close we may be to brothers, sisters, parents, friends, the freedom and bond you share and the comfort you have with a lover is something that can’t be compared. I think it would be sad to go all ones life without one and trust me I did so for 17 years. I let a lot of hurt and fear creep in. I was afraid to let myself feel. I still am to some degree. I like to think I am growing though and learning and becoming more secure in who I am and what I want. I like me I believe for the first time in my life. I like who I am becoming and that is partly in thanks to someone I have been seeing and it’s largely due to my desire to better myself and actually experience my life instead of hide it away. Yes, if you open yourself up to love you may be hurt. It happens. With my ex, David, I got hurt. There was a lot of bad, but even now I wouldn’t trade the good memories I had with him for anything. They are memories. They are a part of me. I love the song, “The Dance”, by Garth Brooks. It pretty much says it all doesn’t it?

"The Dance"

Looking back on the memory of

The dance we shared 'neath the stars above

For a moment all the world was right

How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Holding you I held everything

For a moment wasn't I a king

But if I'd only known how the king would fall

Hey who's to say you know I might have changed it all

And now I'm glad I didn't know

The way it all would end the way it all would go

Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain

But I'd have had to miss the dance

Yes my life is better left to chance

I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance

Emotional needs count too…

Seems to me our government has its sticky little hands/paws in about everything we do or try to do these days. They tell us it’s not okay to spank our children, even though the Bible says “spare the rod, spoil the child”. (NO, I’m not advocating child abuse, but a little rump roast every once in the while with no bruising really doesn’t hurt anyone) They tell us that we have to have their permission to add onto our homes and even pay them for the privilege. They tell us even who we can love if you stop and think about it. All the while they are controlling every aspect of our life and they say they are doing it for the “greater good”. They are doing this to protect the innocent. Where are they with laws that really should be put in place to protect the innocent? It seems to me that on most things our government has it pretty much backwards. Not to mention that most things that are governed appear to be in protection of the few and not the many. The one that has me going and is driving me insane these days has to do with parental rights and a child's mental well being. Did you realize that in this great state of Indiana all our government cares about is that a parent provide sufficient food, an adequate roof over the child's head, clothes and see that they get to school. That is it. It doesn't matter if the child suffers mental anguish or abuse. No one cares in our child protective services, governmental blunder ship here in this great state. OK, maybe someone cares, but there are no laws to help it or so it would seem. The laws also seem unfair to me when they favor a woman simply because she's female and appear to believe that because she has a womb she's automatically the more nurturing and better parent. I don't get it. I think that the laws should take into consideration whether or not children are thriving in the environment in which they are in. I mean a child that goes from doing well in school to all of a sudden doing poorly, getting in trouble and being put on mental medications should be investigated as to what is going on in the home. Children are not as resilient as our government seems to feel and instead of checking it out they often just assume the child has problems and that it couldn't be associated with home life. I had a good upbringing for the most part, but I do have some mental scars from growing up and I can tell you not one spanking left any type of permanent mark, but some of the emotional ones I've fought my entire life. I believe emotional is worse. I also feel that if people have children that their children should come first at least until they are 18. I hear people argue they should get to have a life. They chose to have children. Their children should be their life. I don't mean they can't have a little time every once in a while to themselves. Everyone needs that. How I see it is that a divorced parent has every other weekend to do whatever they want. The weekends they have their children should be about their children. If they don't like having to devote all week and every other weekend to their children then perhaps they should not be the custodial parent. If you love your children and you can't devote yourself to them then it's the loving thing to do to give them to the parent that can. Don't you think so? It's not a failure to know ones own limitations. I spent a lot of time with my parents growing up. My parents allowed me time to be a kid and always made sure I knew they were here for me. There are so many things I could write in here and regardless of what someone may think this isn't meant to be directed at anyone in particular. I just think times have changed. I think laws need to change too. I know several single dads that want to be a part of their children's lives. They want to make active decisions. They want to spend as much time as they can with their children. Yet it seems the laws are all on the sides of the mom's. They give her full say in almost everything and limit the dads rolls. I know if people would be mature adults there would be no reason for the government to even need to be involved. I mean is it really that hard for parents to realize their children need both their mom and their dad and that time should be freely given without stipulations between both? Is it hard to understand that a child is a thinking being and can give you some insights into how they feel about the things that go on inside the home? No matter what our government thinks I'm here to tell you that I know emotional needs count too.... it's not enough to supply some sort of food, clothing and a roof. Time, love and devotion go into making a healthy and stable child that will grow into a well rounded adult. I'm just saying.... it's only my opinion but emotional needs count too.

Working It Out!

Recently I signed back up to go to American Health Fitness. It's winter and my walking, although I still manage to get some in has been hampered by the winter weather. I hate very few things worse than cold weather. In reality as I lose this last hundred pounds I need to start tightening and strengthening my muscles anyway. I also use to belong to American Health several years ago and enjoyed it tremendously. So although I did check other clubs, I went back to where I always felt comfortable. At American Health there are a wide array of people in there working out and all of them appear to be friendly. As one girl stated today no one cares what anyone looks like or in what condition they are in inside this gym, they are just happy you're here to work out. I have seen every type from the extremely physically fit, to a few that are probably five hundred pounds if they are an ounce with a long road to travel yet. I also was fascinated by the eighty-six year old woman that was bench pressing, and the guy with green hair that upon leaving was wearing a shirt and tie and dress pants. Most of the people have been super friendly and nice. Now there are a few odd balls, but hey they keep life interesting. The staff is friendly and eager to answer your questions on anything you might want to know. They will even keep keys at their desk for you while you exercise if you don't want to have to keep track of it. So my biggest obstacle will be getting into some kind of routine on the machines. I'm no different than anyone else that going by myself and working out on those things leaves me feeling a little awkward, but I will do it. I went Friday night and swam and worked out in the water for about two and a half hours. I could live in the pool. I wish I had enough money to have an indoor pool at my house so I could swim all the time. On Saturday I started my morning off with an hour work out with the club trainer, went to lunch and then went back to the club and stayed another 3 hours doing different workouts both on machines and in the water. Today I went and worked out in the water again. My muscles were too sore to do machines today.... that is the great thing about the pool, as sore as my muscles were it was easy to still do a workout in the water and trust me when I say you get a harder work out in the water than a person might expect. What really kills me though are the people who come in do nothing on the machines, head to the pool and then just stand around and talk in the pool. How exactly does that count as exercise? I suppose maybe they joined just to use the pool and socialize, but that is just hard to imagine. For me though it's well worth the money. I pay $19 a month, which is less than a dollar a day. Cheap entertainment and beneficial to my health too. What more could a girl ask for? American Health offers a sauna, a steam room, a eucalyptus room, a hot tub, trainers, every possible machine you could think of, and even a wellness program. Their wellness program has meetings and health monitoring as well as a tailored exercise program for each person. I like it. If you wanna join I might even allow you to work out with me. ;) There are two locations in Fort Wayne, and multiple classes you can take as well. Below here I have the pictures and maps from the website of American Health Fitness - http://www.ahfc.com/

Step/Cardio, MON-SAT 8:30AM & TUE/THUR 6:30PM

Core/Fusion/Pilates, MON-FRI 9:15AM

Aquatics, MON/WED/FRI 9AM/10AM/11AM & 6PM (except Fridays, no 6pm on Fridays)

Yoga, MON/THUR 5:30PM -- Step, TUE/THU 10AM & 6:30PM -- Power Pump MON 7PM

Yoga, MON/WED/FRI 9AM

Power Pump, SAT 9:45AM

Step, MON/WED 5:30PM

Core Fusion, TUE 7PM

Kick Boxing, THUR 7PM

An Acquired Taste...

I suppose one might say that I am an acquired taste. At least this is what I have been told. My nature is one that is extremely blatant in nature. I don’t like to hurt people and would never intentionally try, unless they were attempting to hurt me, but I am afraid that sometimes my unencumbered shamelessness and my straight talk can come off a bit aloof. I recently went to a party at a very expensive home. Now I loved the house and I enjoyed the company of the occupants. I am very happy for them that they are doing so well and can live so comfortably. For anyone who knows me though, you know I don’t judge people for what they do or don’t have. I have friends from all walks of life and I like to look at what is inside a person, not at what is on the outside. As long as I have enough money to pay my bills I am happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to be wealthy just like anyone else. It’s just that I know money doesn’t buy happiness and it’s something I can take or leave. So at this party I was myself. I’m sure to some of the party goer’s delight (at least that is what they told me) and to some of their dismay. I like to have fun and I will joke or tease about anything. I like to think of myself as a free spirit. I wasn’t always this way. Years gone by I would have been the shy girl in the corner. I would have been the one who would have clung to the host because I knew him and no one else. I would never have dreamed of talking so easily to people I had never met. I’ve lived a lot in my forty-two years though and I’ve learned life is short. Way to short to care what others think of you for being who you are. Truth is I know with my inhibitions I could probably make a priest blush. It took me a long time to get that comfortable with myself. So at this party I went to I was me completely. I met a lot of great people there. I loved most of them to pieces for the most part. They were warm and welcoming and laughed and talked, all but one. Now I still have nothing against this one; however, anyone who knows me knows you don’t attack my friends and you don’t try to make me feel like I should bow down to an alter in front of you because you feel you’re better than me. It’s like cornering a wild animal. If you do it, my friends will attest you better buckle up because it’s going to be a bumpy ride. So, as you can imagine this person did both of these things, not just one. Can you imagine someone you’ve seen maybe a dozen times in your life and haven’t seen for over a decade, someone who was never involved in your life and was never your friend picking apart what you do for a living? What about imagining this person pounding you with questions about a friend and that friend’s daughter? What if they go one step further and not only try to drill you with questions but make snide nasty remarks about those people? Would you stand there and take it? I’m guessing a few would stop to consider the person is close to the hosts. I maybe should have, but it’s just not in me. My first instinct is to strike out and let that person know I don’t feel they are in any form or fashion any better than I and that I don’t appreciate their attack on my demeanor, my style or my friends. Looking back I probably just should have ignored them, but then where is the fun in that? It got me to thinking about something I always think about though. Why is it that some people so judgmental based on looks and money and power? Some of my favorite people in the whole world have no money or power and to me the better looking a person is on the inside the better they look outside. I guess I should stop wondering, after all I have been blessed with a multitude of friends who love me just the way I am. They don’t try to change me and they definitely don’t require that I have a ton of money and a proper attitude. So once again I will tell all my family and friends how blessed I am to have you over this holiday season. My family and friends are what give me hope, make me laugh and help me to appreciate life. I understand sometimes its not easy being my friend, but I love you for it. I do understand that after all I really am an acquired taste on so many levels. Happy Holidays and a very Merry Christmas!

Diet's (Food Choices) 101!

I thought I would take a moment just to share a little of what I have learned over my journey to losing weight and getting healthy. I get asked a lot how I’m doing it. It’s not a magical pill (although wouldn’t that be nice). I am doing it the good old fashioned way of exercise and diet. I walked during the summer about forty to sixty miles a week. As it’s gotten colder I’m down between twenty and thirty, but I have added more on the home front for doing exercise bike, weight training, WII and sit ups and leg lifts. I figure adding the extra will help balance the not getting to walk as much as I would like. I also have added more time on my feet and less time on the sofa watching the “boob tube”. I only watch about an hour of television a day now and sometimes not even that. I do read quiet a bit, but I work it so that I do it after exercise or will riding the exercise bike. I even find more excuses to get up and move around at work. Sitting for hours on end just isn’t happening with me anymore. As for the diet end of it, I know there are several to choose from. The way I chose to approach it was to work with my doctor and discuss my own health concerns and the best approach. I believe everyone should do this when dieting and don’t just ask them for a diet list. You know if you do that they are going to give you something you will never follow. If you actually tell your doctor ahead of time so he can plan on allowing time and then actually tell him what you like and what you need you can work it out with him. For me the chose of diets was easy. I started having blood pressure issues. Blood pressure is directly affected by sodium in foods, so the doctor suggested I work with a dietician and learn about sodium in foods and how it affects the body. My goal that was set was to attempt to take in no more than 1200 to 1500 mg of sodium in any given day. Me, being who I am set my goal at 1000 mg a day rather than what they gave me. You see I know from personal experience how easy it is to say a little over won’t hurt, so by setting it to 1000 if I hit 1200 I was still ok. I actually kept a log at first and I read labels of everything I bought to check the sodium content. At first calories and carbohydrates didn’t matter. I needed to learn about sodium first. I also started going on line and checking fast food menu’s and nutrition charts prior to going out to get my meals as well. I sort of became fixated on sodium. I started using non-salted butter in my cooking and I even bought low sodium foods to stock. Until I did all this I didn’t’ realize that even a bag of carrots has sodium in them. Did you realize that a 12oz can of diet coke has 50 mg of sodium in it? How about this? Did you realize that a single Reese’s cup has 210 mg of sodium? When you are only allowing yourself 1200 mg of sodium a day it doesn’t take long to add up. I started telling myself that once I hit my sodium count for the day, no matter what it was or when then I was done. I might eat an apple or something (of which yes still has sodium) but I would eat very little if anything after I hit my allotted sodium for the day. I started feeling better within a couple of days. It amazed me. I also added more water to my diet because water helps remove sodium from the body. Before I realized it I had lost sixty pounds. That was the first leg of my getting off the weight. After that diet started me I added the walking an exercise and the rest as they say is history. I thought I would give you some interesting facts and figures in here though too. I found I had a lot of misconceptions about the foods out there and what was healthiest for me and what wasn’t. So I am going to give you some restaurant choices and lets see which ones you would pick for healthy and which ones not.

Which one is the better choice: Two hamburgers and a small fry from McDonalds or a Taco Bell Chipotle Steak Taco Salad from Taco Bell?

Ok, I’m not a doctor, but from what I’ve learned I’ll tell you which one I would choose and why. Although the salad sounds like the more sensible option because it has the word “salad” in it, I would go with the McDonald’s hamburgers and fries. Of course knowing me I would probably do just one hamburger and a small fry but that is me. Now actually you should normally stay away from red meats for the most part when dieting; however, in this scenario if these are your two options the salad is not going to be the better option on a diet. The Taco Bell Chipotle Steak Salad has 890 Calories in it. Of which there are 57 grams of fat, 11 grams saturated fats, 1700 mg of sodium, and 28 grams of protein and 70 grams of carbohydrates. Did you notice the 1700 mg of sodium? How about the 57 grams of fat? Now let’s look at the McDonald’s meal. Both hamburgers and the small fry have a combined total of 730 calories. Out of these 730 calories (which is less than the salad) there are 29 grams of fat, 8 grams saturated fat, 1200 mg of sodium, 91 grams of carbohydrates, and 27 grams of protein. I’m not advocating eating any fast food, but we all know we are going to do it from time to time. The thing to do when you’re eating out is know which options are actually the better ones when dieting. I asked a few friends to tell me different items they felt were healthy and low sodium, low calories at various restaurants. I found that many of them had the same misgivings I had. Examples: Arby’s sells a Roast Chicken Club sandwich. Almost everyone I talked to thought it would be good on a diet, but I am here to tell you I am not picking it. This sandwich has 460 Calories of which 170 are from fat, 39 grams of carbohydrates and 1490 mg of sodium. Now granted it’ lower on the calorie scale, but the sodium content will kill you. Sodium causes the body to retain fat and water. Just a heads up for you there in case you didn’t know. From Burger King the Tender grill garden salad comes in with 460 calories, 29 grams of fat, 31 grams of protein, 19 carbohydrates and hold on to your hat, 1450 mg of sodium. So basically eat this and you’re done for the day. Believe it or not I would eat a whopper (probably junior for me) before eating this salad. Now a full size whopper has 670 calories, 40 grams of fat, and 1020 grams of sodium. So yes I would have more fat and more calories, but then again my diet has been based around watching my sodium. If we look at the whopper jr. which is what I would probably eat then we find the following: 370 Calories, 21 grams of fat and 560 mg of sodium. This to me is the better option for me in my mind. If I go to Culvers I eat a single butter burger. Why, it fills me up and it has 346 Calories and 700 mg of sodium. Still not my chosen foods, but if I find I’m there and I’m hungry I am going to look for what I feel has the lesser sodium content. IHOP has a meal of Tilapia and steamed broccoli that only has 360 calories and 580 mg of sodium. I love it. I always have them put the hollandaise sauce on the side because I’m not a fan of it, but even if I add French fries to this meal I can still stay within my diet. There are options out there, but the first thing you need to do is arm yourself with information. PIZZA is TABU…. Sorry, it’s just the plain old facts of life. I have started only allowing myself pizza about once every six months. Two Slices of pepperoni pizza has 1600 mg of sodium in it (Pizza Hut). Not to mention a ton of empty calories and fat. How many people stop with two slices of pizza? The easiest way I think for most people to start is to just cut back periodically. I mean learn that leaving food on your plate is not a bad thing and seconds is rarely wise. Forgiving one’s self for bad days when we indulge is another as well as learning that this is a life style choice, not a diet in reality. One more tip I have for you. I have two days a week I allow myself to eat a sweet treat. Could be a couple of reases cups or a bowl of ice cream, but I don't eat sweets every day. I also have one designated day every month that I allow myself to eat anything I want without chastising myself. It gives me things to look forward to so that I know I'm not missing out. I've found I enjoy my food more and these special times off the diet mean all the more. Food tastes much better to me than it use to. Give these things a try if you will. If nothing else start reading your labels. I'm sure if you notice the sodium content on foods you are in for a huge surprise.

Dream Like Days

Some days life can be almost dream like. By stating it's dream like I am not stating it's good or bad. I am simply implying that one might feel as if they are standing on the outside of their own body watching their life as it plays out. Today has been kind of like that for me. I woke up way too early. Not sure of what the uneasy feeling was that caused me not to be able to sleep. I suppose it could be a million things. Lord knows there are enough things on my plate or my mind. I have a house project of cleaning and organizing that I just can't seem to get done. I am working on it nightly though. I have financial stress; however, I rarely let that take me past an oh well I will do what I can stage. Work has been more than unusually stressful on all levels. It seems to me to be more than usually busy. Then there is stress of my "ill" feelings about children being medicated into submission, but seeing as how I really don't want to cause anymore stress to anyone else I'll keep going on past that one. There is also the intuitive side of me that feels others emotions. It's on overload these days. So many people under so much stress. Summer is also coming to an end. That always leaves me bluesy. I really need to live where there is warm weather all year round. If my family wasn't here I would. I have another injury. Seems like I am injury prone these days. My right leg right above the ankle. Makes walking really fun let me tell you. Last night I wrapped it in towels with Epsom salts on them. Don't know how I did it, but I have a knot right above the ankle and above that there is a four inch square area that is red and hot to the touch. The salts and stuff worked last night... The wraps took the swelling and redness away, but today after standing at Target and merchandising it is back. Don't worry I will walk on my lunch break though. I have come to far to let this little set back stop me. Then the final straw on the camels back today is that I got my reminder letter to schedule my six month follow up mammogram. Six months. Wow! Time does go fast. It left a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as I called my insurance to make sure my exam would be covered and then as I called Lutheran Hospital to get the exam scheduled. I suspect they will find nothing has changed and that everything is OK; however, one never knows. So yes today has been dream like. I am here and living it, yet somehow detached and almost emotionless to some degree. Perhaps this lack luster reaction to today is caused by lack of sleep. I am not sure, but I do suspect it's just a part of life and that everyone has these days. Tomorrow I have a game night to look forward to with friends. That should perk me up. Enjoy your summer days you have left. One truly never knows if it could be their last.

Foolish Pride Be Damned!

Some of my fondest memories have nothing to do with human pride. As I was walking the other day (Joe, no eye rolls please) I happened to hear a conversation one of the disc jockey's was having regarding how people have gotten to where they have no pride and have no shame in accepting a hand out. He went on to talk about how people were going out of their way to get their children on the free lunch program and to get a government check. He took his time reminiscing about days gone by when people were not proud of needing government assistance and seem to feel it's a good thing. I don't personally think it's a good thing to want to sponge off the government and I know that this man has probably known his share of people who don't need assistance yet they are taking advantage of the system and they are even lying to do it. I know I personally have witnessed people using food stamp cards and then getting into BMW's. I also worked with a woman who was making more money than me and she was getting a HUD house. So I can see how some people can become cynical. I also do believe that we are raising a generation that doesn't want to work. Yet I am not as cynical as that radio DJ and I believe that people who have worked hard and tried and are having hard times due to hardships that were unforeseen or out of their control should not have to hang their heads in shame. I personally don't feel there is any shame in asking for help if you need it. Wouldn't the world be a better place if everyone was willing to lend everyone else a helping hand? Either way I recall many times growing up when my family had to take advantage of government aide. It had nothing to do with my dad not being proud or not wanting to support his family. He would get laid off or lose his job for whatever reason and we would have to go on food stamps and get government cheese. It never lasted long because my dad was a go getter, still is, and he would go out and get work at whatever he needed to do to get us through. My dad has always been very good at managing money and my mother was always at home for us whenever we needed her because of it. My brother and I had a wonderful family to grow up in. So with mom making our house a home for my dad, brother and I all the financial worries fell on my dad. Out of this came wonderful memories though. How one might ask? Simply by our not being geared towards things and more towards time spent together, some of it routine. One routine we had was going to the Salvation Army almost every Saturday. I loved that store. We didn't always go in search of anything in particular, just to look around and shop. For my brother and I that meant a toy or a book or some treasure of our own that we might find. Yes we grew up on mostly second hand clothing. It didn't kill either one of us. Every fall we would get a few new clothes from Sears for school, but other than that it was second hand clothes either from the Salvation Army or from my grandmother Lula going to a similar version down south called the Exchange. So I understand how some can get upset with all the people walking around with their hands reached out; yet if they are reaching out of necessity not facilitated by their own laziness I see no shame in it. So to that I would say foolish pride be damned. I would also hope that each and everyone of you could know half the joy of living life not geared towards thing, but rather to living life and knowing the joys of loving time spent with family just sitting and talking. For now I have that luxury too. I get to sit usually at least once a week in my parents living room or in the back yard with them and remember times gone by. Life is precious and short. A lesson many learned only momentarily this week as they said goodbye to Michael Jackson. So foolish pride be damned.

If Today Was Your Last Day

What is new? I'm sharing from my walking experiences. I have been listening to this song for weeks and every time I hear it I think what a wonderful song. I really want the album. Walking has reconnected me with the music world and I really didn't know how much I missed it until it and I hooked back up. The group that sings my magical song is called NICKELBACK and the song is "If Today Was Your Last Day." The concept of the song is old, but very well stated and wonderfully sung. Take a listen and share your thoughts. One can't help but think about how profound it is and really what if today was your last day?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQyZBU28q88

If Today Was Your Last Day

Songwriters: Kroeger, Chad;

My best friend gave me the best advice

He said each day's a gift and not a given right

Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind

And try to take the path less traveled by

That first step you take is the longest stride

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late

Could you say goodbye to yesterday?

Would you live each moment like your last

Leave old pictures in the past?

Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?

What if, what if, if today was your last day?

The True Mark of a Friend

You hear the thunder rumbling in the distance. Clouds are visibly accruing. The storm is definitely on the horizon. You're unsure what to do as this storm scares you so badly and shakes you clear down to the bone. The storm though is not of mother nature, it is of life. Your life is in an upheaval. Your emotions run rampant and you're not sure what to do. Then it hits you. All you have to do for that emotional support to shelter you from the storm is pick up the phone and call your best friend. Wait though, you can't. You can talk to them, but they are no longer here. No longer with us in this realm of existence. For a moment your heart breaks into and you think the storm will engulf you. It doesn't though because you hear those words of comfort and wisdom in your mind. You know that if your friend were here they would walk you through it and if they saw you trying to give up they would advise you against it. Who hasn't felt this way at one time or another? We all have people we've lost in our lives to death or to life circumstances. People we knew had our back. So what makes the true mark of a friend. A friend to me is someone I can be me with and not be judged. Flaws and all are excepted. They may point them out to me every once in a while but they accept me no less. A friend is someone you think of when you need someone to pick up your spirits. Someone you know will be there if you need them. A friend is someone you share in their pain and in their joy. As I sat and had dinner this evening with a good friend, he and I talked about this topic in it's own right. We talked about how we wish we had met someone who must have been that type of friend to a couple of mutual friends of ours. We never had the opportunity, but as I also heard another friend say, again about this same person, I hope some day when I am gone someone will think of me the way this person is thought of. If someone holds me in just a forth of that light I'll have been a good friend to at least someone. It also lead me to thinking about how we do things here in this life really does matter. We all leave our mark on other people whether we realize it or not. So this summer as we are living life to the fullest and as if it's our last, let us all also do our best to embrace the light of being a true great friend to those in our life. After all that really is the true mark of a friend now isn't it?

Happy Cinco De Mayo Everyone!

Someone Enjoy a cold one for me!

or

Maybe two or Three?

And The Question Is?

Kind of feels like you're on Jeopardy doesn't it? Well, I know no one asked, but I

thought I would share another "product" I love love love love love.

Bath & Body Works has a product line called "Signature Products". I like several of these products, but I love the Moonlight path and the Warm Vanilla and sugar. They have a lovely assortment of products ranging from hand soaps and hand sanitizers, lotions, shampoos and even cologne and body sprays in these scents. They are basically the products I use the most. I don't get in there enough though. Actually I can't go in there very often. Limited funds and money would be spent I really don't need to spend. I do love their products though. Currently I'm out of my Warm Vanilla and Sugar Body butter, but I figure maybe later this month or next I can get in there and get some. Either way female or male there is a product for everyone and for everyone's house. The hand soaps are outstanding and they smell so delicious. If you haven't been in there why not stop in and shop a little. There is a store at Jefferson Point and there are two of these in the Glenbrook Mall. Shop, enjoy and even sample them in store before you buy. Nope you don't have to take them home to see if you like them. Mother's Day is coming up. Maybe you could get some for your mom. Since I'm not technically a mom (unless you count my dog and cat) I don't get spoiled on mothers day so no surprises for me, but such is life. What products do you enjoy from this store?

Oh What A Beautiful Day!

What a gorgeous day today was outside. Too bad I didn't see much of it. I mean I did my merchandising and then went to my full time job, so I was pretty much behind closed doors all day. I did hear opportunity knocking though and I answered her. I took two separate walks today. My first "outdoor" walks since the fall. I love it. Walking is great exercise and it can relieve stress. It gives you so much time to talk things over with yourself if you're walking alone. I am going to start my daily vigils of one hour walks back up again. I walked some on the indoors during the winter, but people have a tendency to look at you like you're nuts when you're walking in circles. Hey look at it like this: not only is walking good for you but it can be an adventure because you just never know what you're going to see or find. My feet do have blisters though because walking in doors is on carpet and all level. Today I walked outside on pavement and it was up then down and then up again. I could tell I was working a few different muscles. I do have a "manual" treadmill at home that a friend gave me. I use it sometimes, but I swear that thing will kill you. It's hard as hell to work since you are basically doing all the work of pushing the belt along. Ten to fifteen minutes on it and I feel like my legs are going to just fall off my body and my lungs are going to retreat to places unknown. Either way I am happy to see it's getting pretty walking weather. I've missed my communal experience with the great outdoors. I do have to get this class out of the way before I can commit too heavy, but it's great to see old man sunshine and his cousin warmth showing up. Lets just hope they stick around for an extra long summer. I challenge each and every one of you to get out and walk. It's good for you! Who knows maybe I'll pass you along the path. Sigh, oh what a beautiful day today was.

Yes, Virginia, You Can Turn Right On Red In Indiana

Time for another pet peeve of mine. I know everyone thinks they can drive better than anyone else and heaven forbid we should make fun, but I had two irritations in one day. That just isn't right if the cosmic gods of Carma are listening. The first one was a guy who pulled up to a light in a truck and sat at a light blinking for a right turn. No traffic in site. No postings saying you can't turn on red, yet he set there for the entire time until the light changed to green. Bad thing was he was a Fort Wayne native if the licence plate was correct. Maybe beyond some hope I hoped he was from out of town and driving a friends car, because otherwise in my book he was just an idiot. Then going to work I got behind this guy. He was in the left lane, which at this intersection only goes straight. There is clearly a no left turn sign up right beside the red light but what does this boy genius do? You guessed it as soon as the light turns green he turned left in front of on coming traffic and almost got hit. He probably drove away swearing at the other drivers for their bad driving. I can only imagine the type. Not that I haven't ever done anything wrong, as I barely evaded that speeding ticket today and noted I should lighten up on the foot that is on that peddle, but if you're going to drive you generally take this thing called a drivers test. Written and driven last I knew. If you took it you know that in Indiana you can turn on red unless otherwise posted. U-turns are legal unless otherwise posted. A left turn onto a one way street from a one way street is legal on red. Oh and here is a biggie for you folks that like to take chances.... if the light is turning orange/yellow you are suppose to slow down and try to stop. The only reason you should go through the light is if you can't stop. Here is another fun fact in case you didn't know. It is also legal to go 1/2 block the wrong direction on a one way street. OK, maybe I shouldn't have told you that one. I don't want a million people going out and trying that and getting hurt. I think that one is on the book for extreme cases. I know they still have eating a watermelon in a park in Fort Wayne as being illegal so maybe they just forgot to take that one off the books. Either way, the answer to whether you can turn right on red (You know sitting at a red light, making a right turn.) in the state of Indiana, it is legal unless there is a sign posting it as a big no no. Mystery solved.

I Never.... (poem)

I never knew it would be this hard to say good bye
I never dreamed it would end this way
Standing here beside your bed, still by your side
Wishing one more time to see the laughter in your eyes

I never knew how much I really loved you
I always thought I did, but somehow it wasn’t true
All the years we’ve been married my love
Never dreamed something like this, would be the end of us

Do I cry or do I scream?
How do I get you back with me?
Please, oh please tell me this is just a dream
Do I really have to choose to set you free?

I never dreamed of growing old without you
I never thought that I’d out live you
Tell me how do I go on from day to day?
Oh Lord I’m down on my knees to pray

I never gave losing you in the middle of a night a thought
I always thought I’d talk to you again tomorrow
So many, many things left to say
Now I’m standing here drowning in my tears of sorrow.

Do I cry or do I scream?
How do I get you back with me?
Please, oh please tell me this is just a dream
Do I really have to choose to set you free?

I’ll hold you forever in my heart
My mind will carry you always close to me
I’ve loved you and always will
That’s why I had to set you free

Do I cry or do I scream?
How do I get you back with me?
Please, oh please tell me this is just a dream
Did I really have to choose to set you free?

Love will set you free
Love will always set you free….

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut?

No matter what my mood I can always count on the beauty of God's world to lift me up if I look around. This little squirrel has gotten very use to me and she lets me get very up close and personal. It's funny sometimes I will just bend down and let her stare at me. She has such an unequivocal look on her face, but when I put the food down she also gets a grateful look as she sits and eats and occasionally looks up at me to see if I'm there still. Often I will go off and let her eat, but if I need to remember that there is beauty in the simplicity of nature I kneel a while and watch.