Thursday, April 9, 2009
Imagine
So I need everyone to read this carefully and give me your personal opinion. I want to you to imagine you are an 8 year old boy who is very sensitive and emotional. You are the type of child that worries and really thinks about what is going on in your life. So your parents are divorced, have been for going on two years. You know as a child that they don't get along. I know on dad's side that he doesn't say things about mom when the kids are around when I'm around. I doubt that mom says anything about dad, but this is a bright kid. He's not stupid by a long shot. There are lots of things for him to worry about right now. He's expressed some of them, some of them he clams up about. The one parent has a significant other. He's expressed on multiple occasions to me that he feels this parent cares more for that significant other than they do him. So he gets an opportunity to partake in a half time or quarter sports event with the team mascot. He's excited and tells his grandparents and me about it. When he gets to the event though he's not sitting with either parent. His dad is with his sister way on the other side. His mother several rows below him. He is with his one parents significant other, whom he likes, because they provided the tickets and apparently got to choose the seating. He's also with one other friend of the significant other sitting on the other side of him. Per one parent he doesn't seem excited at all. At the end of the evening he is not over joyed like you would think. Today he gets in trouble at school. One parent is talking about putting him on medication which is not what he needs, it would just make him a walking zombie. The other parent is upset by this and doesn't want it done. There is no good communication going on between these parents. The child should be the concern. The name calling, the blame game, all the other stuff needs to stop. The parent with custodial parenting is not giving information to the other parent which is making it ten times worse. I know the fear is they will be blamed. To some degree perhaps they would be correct. That isn't the point though. The child should come first. Is it me or was it stupid for the child not to be sitting with at least one parent if not between them on a night that was suppose to be his special night? Am I wrong or is this child acting up because he's emotionally drained and afraid and angry. Angry because he does feel like someone else takes a priority in front of him. Now I know that at least one party reading this will be angry at me, maybe both, but I want some honest feedback. You can email it to me or post a comment. This just truly breaks my heart. I think this child need counseling but I think drugs would be a stupid way to go. Just my opinion.
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5 comments:
First off, dad isn’t upset about anything that is written here. Dad also doesn’t say anything about mom any more to the kids more than “Do you want to call mommy?”. I think it is my responsibility to remind them they are free to use the phone and call if they want. The kids don’t need any more stress than they have now. That is one of many in a long list of reasons I am I am not dating now. I think adding someone else to their life would be even more stress. I am not blaming mom, what I would like to see from mom is putting the kids first. The good mothers will put their kids needs first. The good fathers put their kids needs first.
I went into last night willing to put the differences aside for the night to be there for my son. Fully expecting to have to sit next to my mom and grit my teeth all night long to be there for my son in an event that should have been a lot of fun for him. The first thing when I got their I was given tickets and told that they would set on one side of the arena and my daughter and I would sit on the other. I thought this was strange, but ok. I expected mom to sit next to son. I took my daughter over and we took our seats. I looked across the way and next to my son were my mom’s significant other on one side and her friend on the other. My ex-wife took a seat a few rows down the way from them. I know my son likes mom's significant other. For most of the game it was this way, then mom and son moved down and sat next to each other for awhile (maybe 15 or 20 minutes). Then for about 20-25 minutes mom was gone and son sat two rows down from the rest by him self. Dad sitting over on the other side of the arena applaud at was going on. At the end of the event he wasn’t excited like you might think. He looked at the video and pictures that dad took, but I don’t remember hearing him say a word. I didn’t say anything to mom about this there. I gave the kids hugs and kisses and left.
I had mixed emotions about weather to confront mom on this or not as I didn't feel my opinion would be heard, but today I confronted mom. Some one has to stand up for those kids. I asked who the mom was? Was it her or her significant other? The answer I got was “It was my significant others tickets”. I then told her that I thought one of us should have been there next to him. I had had a feeling that son would not be a happy little boy today, so I had called the school and tipped them off. A few hours later I got the call that he had gotten in trouble again. When I talked with her she was belligerent, abusive, and loud. At one point she even threatened me. Wasn’t happy that I talked with the school. I have alerted all my friends and family to the perceived threat. At the event my daughter had started talking with this nice man in the crowd. He caught one of the prize things during one of the breaks and gave it to her, but she proceeded to make a big deal out of it. The guy gave us his business card with his name and phone number on it. Mom had the card the last I saw it, but she felt it necessary to threaten me any way (the treat was assumed bodily harm, but was not specified). There were no less than 100 people in the immediate area where we were and security in the arena. I was less than one foot from him and her. I am not sure what she expected to happen here. There was no danger or threat in this setting. As I told her the bottom line is how do we help son get over his issues. It isn’t about me. I had hoped this might be a special night he could remember, but I think he will remember it for the wrong reason. When I talked with Mom, mom was doing what mom always does: avoiding the issue. I will do what I can and make changes as a see fit here at my home, but as I told mom I can’t fix all the issues alone. The latest change at my home will be "No Caffeine". My son spends the majority of his time at mom’s home. Please correct me if I am wrong on any of this. I have decided that it is in everyone’s best interest if I don't attend such events. I will try to find a delicate way to explain it to my son.
Dad
omg........i couldnt handle drama like this. i think both mom and dad need to suck it up for the rest of these kids lives. people will go to college, walk down the asile, and have lives. mom and dad need to both tell the kids that they love the kids more then the signifcant others that are here now or in the future on eithor side. kids are strong and can handle this if the parents can handle it. perhaps dad needs full custody or child support needs to stop being paid and they both have joint custody. i only wish mom and dad could get along where they could be like neighbors but, not evil neighbors.
time for mom and dad to grow up and both get along and understand sitting in the same area in an arena isnt a big deal at all
when we go to God to get judged on judgement day he will ask us what we did to improve the world. not what we done in the way of the world.
I think it's sad that this night wasn't about what the little boy wanted. I don't care whose tickets they were the little boy would have probably been more happy with either one or both parents there with him. It's a pitty commen sense didn't come into play here and my guess is this little boy will continue to get into trouble as long as he doen't feel like he's loved the way he feels he should be.
Too many people are too quick to want to use medicine to try to control their kids. It doesn't make the kids better or help their issues it just makes them grow up to be dependant on drugs. And society wonders what is wrong with them these days. I think this is a classic example.
Mom nit picked this tonight. For the record she was one row down and to the right. She sat one row down with my son a the event for a while then left for a while (estimated 20 minutes or so). She claimed he was never by him self, but he was in the next row by him self for a while. I should have taken that picture while I had the chance. I do have a picture of him with an empty seat next to him with her signifigant others friend sitting next to him chewing his finger nails. This was her attempt to change the subject. And yes at one point they went to get ice cream. This is sad.
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