Of all the thoughts that can go through someones mind, I believe we all at one time or another have thought about how easy it would be to do something, whether that something was to just walk away or to give into desire. We've all been there and we've all done it. A couple of years back and even more recently I have caught myself in one of these thoughts. My knowledge that I doubt I would ever succumb to the thought, but scary in my family at best that it is there. Perhaps knowing and having family and an ex with the problem keep me at bay from every following it, but here it is. Outing myself so to speak. I've thought at times how easy it would be when I'm down to numb my world with alcohol. I don't drink that often, but a couple of years back I killed two bottles of wine and a half pint of Southern Comfort all in one night as I sat trying to make sense of things in my world. I Don't agree with alcoholics and I feel badly for them and think they need help, but I definitely can understand why they might be that way. You see while I was drinking, after the alcohol took hold of my mind and made it numb, the pain went away for that little while. For a while it would be OK. Thankfully for me I rarely have ever followed up on that urge an normally those bouts of depression or pain don't usually last long. I can usually pull myself out of the "funk". I just wonder how often people can't though? I mean it's not always easy and I know people who would just give in and try to stay numb. It's no way to live life. I would never want to. It does scare me that the thought has been there before in my mind though. I mean how easy would it be to just give up? Sometimes life isn't easy. I do think people who require alcohol to get through the day need help, but I also understand the feelings that might take one there. I guess my thoughts on this came back to me as I was listening to Adam Lambert's version of "Mad World". Loved his rendition and my bet is he's going to be a big star, but it left me kind of bluesy. Take a listen and let me know what you think?
3 comments:
I have had the same thought of drowning my sorrows to deaden the pain, but it wouldn't help. It wouldn't take much for me since I never drank alchohaul before. Someday life will be better. Hang in there! I intend to let god drive.
Life will be better, if you think like that~ ^^
well i've done that and have moved on so to speak. my big problem is i would like to walk away from everything. i would love to just get in my car with one suitcase and drive up to montana or something where noone knows me. go where the living is cheep and the jobs are plenty and just get a cheep paying job and an apartment and start over again. i feel sometimes i never really got a chance to be me. to be just ida by herself. i was mrs. ida goexxxx.......i am currently mom ida ......even having someone love me stresses me out now and then i am scared to become another mrs. gr.... i miss having the chance of just being miss ida glaxxxx. i never really have had the chance. i have kept a job or extended in that job for the guy. or went to work at a good job with benifits for a kid. i never really got to take the road lesser traveled in the job spear. sigh........oh well. welcome to being a grownup. and my current friend knows that it wont take much for me to pack my bag and leave. just a week ago i announced that i was planning on retireing in indianapolis. trust me he was happy i finally made up my mind. i'm just not a free bird anymore. sigh...........
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