Like A Hooker On Ice...

There are a ton of cliche's out there that would fit my life right now.  I'm not sure if that would be considered a good thing or a bad thing.  It is basically what it is though and there isn't much I can do to change it.  Life definately changes on a dime without much notice or warning.  I know in the past few months a friend and an old classmate both have passed away, as well as the dad of a friend of mine.  Those are major life altering changes in lives.  True they touch my life but not like they do the loved one who are left behind.  In those months I've also gone from being committed to someone to being completely single again as well as have a few other friends of mine.  Life is a slippery slope they say and they would be right.  It feels like sometimes you just can't get ahead.  I know there are a ton of things I need to get done, but with work and working out and trying to get in shape it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day to do all I need to do.  I've also met a wide vareity of people lately.  Some good, some not so much.  I'm always fascinated by the human mind.  I'm always trying to figure people out.  I see so many of the people in my life making what I would consider mistakes, but it really isn't my place to tell them.  If they were gonna get hurt to the point of losing their life then maybe, but the kind of hurt they are going to go through for the most part is heart ache.  If I did try to warn them they wouldn't listen.  It's just the way it is.  The school of hard knocks is the one most of us attend on a regular basis.  It's not that we want to hurt, but most of us are willing to take that chance for what little happiness we can find.  I'm hoping this summer will be one filled with much happiness for myself and for those in my world.  I know lately it doesn't seem any of them can catch a break, but I believe they and I will.  I have to believe that happiness is out there just waiting to grab me by the shoulders and shake me.  So other than my life and my friends life can we address some other things?  Like the economy and the political genius that we've elected to run it?  Oh wait, probably shouldn't.  Not that I wouldn't but I'm not sure what to make of it all to tell you the honest truth.  Then there is this crazy weather we've been having.  Is summer ever going to get here this year?  I suppose I'll have to find a little fake sun to make myself feel better.  Fake is better than none?  I don't think that is a cliche is it?  Well, I just wanted to check in and I'll try to write something a little more profound soon, but right now to tell you the truth my life is a little like a hooker on ice, can't stand up but the job's lying on the back anyway so why worry. 

Along The Road to Success You Are Bound To Meet an Ass or Two

So the holidays are over and I’ve spent the last two weeks working my tail off to remove the few pounds I put on with the holidays to get back to where I was so I can continue my weight loss journey. They say what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. I guess I’ll find out. I have been walking five miles a day and lifting weights and doing a work out in the gym at least 6 days a week for the past two and I’m happy to say I dropped the Christmas weight by doing it. I can tell you too though that I’m worn out, tired and very sore. It takes getting up earlier than I’d like and I’ve been averaging about six and a half hours of sleep a night. I’m an eight to ten hour sleep girl for me to be happy. I just keep telling myself it will be worth it. I slacked off for a couple of months around the holiday. There were too many things going on, too many distractions and not enough time in the day to get it all done. I want to drop down to my appropriate weight by mid summer at least so I’m pushing myself. Don’t worry though I eat a balanced diet and take vitamins. I also spend a lot of time soaking my pour aching feet. It hasn’t been an easy journey and it takes constant reminding me that I’m doing it for me to keep me motivated. Today at the gym a woman asked me if I ever felt like giving up and I simply answered with every day. It would be so much easier to stay home and sleep, lie on the sofa and watch television or read a book and eat whatever I want, but it wouldn’t make me happy it would just make me less sore. Believe it or not though the exercise was not the hardest part of coming off of the holidays, but rather the changing the diet back to being healthy and balanced that was a chore. I’m getting there though, little by little. Most people are very encouraging that I’ve had to deal with on my journey. I started out weighing more than five hundred pounds and I’ve lost over three hundred. Most people are amazed and full of praise and encouragement for me to complete my journey. Every once in a while you run into a complete and utter jerk though that believes they know it all and they have all the answers. That can drag you down if you let it. It can even cause people to fall back into old habits. Having been that heavy I remember how hard it was in my mind to be in public and always feel like people were judging me. I remember the thought of exercising in public scared me to death and eating was never fun because you assumed that people were watching every bite you took. Shopping was a terrifying adventure in its own right. Nothing was ever in my size and no one seemed to want to help me. I had to fight past the images of hatred that are out there. I had to not think of the few idiots that would laugh and judge and ridicule me and decide I was going to do it for me and I wasn’t going to let them hold me back. I had to want it and want it more than I had ever wanted anything before. It’s a different world for me today, even though I still have some to lose. I get asked out quiet a lot. Guys literally stop and back out of doors they were coming in to hold them open for me. If I’m shopping people come up and offer to help me and I never have trouble finding something in a size I can wear in any of the stores. Not to mention I can fit in the seats in waiting rooms and I can walk with out dying for a breath of air or my legs and back killing me. So what got me on this article today was an event that happened early last week. There was a guy I had gone out on one date with last summer. He was fun and it was a great date and we even talked a few times on the phone afterwards, but in those conversations I learned a lot. In one conversation he talked about being broke but wanting another date. I told him money wasn’t important we could do something that didn’t cost anything and he told me no we couldn’t that to have fun he liked to go out and spend money and drink. About everything that sounded fun in this guy’s world required beer I believe. Not a good sign for someone who use to date a drunk. I really don’t want to go down that alley again ever. In talking with him I also learned that although he loved to work with handicapped children he wasn’t so good with adults. He lived by himself with three kittens at the time, probably cats now. Everything this guy started to say told me more and more that dating him probably wasn’t a good option for me, but I always like to keep friends and I feel we can be a positive influence in people’s lives, but we have to be there to be that positive influence. I liked him, but I didn’t like some of the stuff he was saying. He hated gay people and everything they stood for. He at one time compared them to child molesters. I tried to explain the error of his thinking. I let him know that I respect he has his right to his opinion but that this comparison was well off base. These people are not hurting children and their sexual preference is not even close to the same thing. What they do in their personal life is none of his business and his being that judgmental and hateful just isn’t right. He didn’t stop with just gay people though, he pretty much hated black people too as far as I could tell. Archie Bunker would have nothing on this guy. I still wanted to try to help him see differently. All people are equal in Gods eyes. God may or may not like what someone is doing but he loves them all equally. Sexual preference and skin color don’t have anything to do with who a person is inside. This guy saw them all as sinners. Well he cherishes drinking, isn’t there something in the Bible about that? We all sin. We all have to be forgiven for those sins and the only one who should judge us is God, so I guess he’s sinning again by judging people now isn’t he? So at one point this guy dropped off my Facebook page because he just couldn’t stand some of the post by my friends. So I figure his option. A few months back he called my home number out of the blue. Said I had made him see things differently and wanted to be my Facebook friend again. He wanted me to come spend time with him and see him in his little town of Berne. I’m not much for driving but I told him I might do karaoke with him sometime there. So he was being polite and all seemed to be ok. Then last week his car broke down and he made a comment to me about needing attention and I’d know what he meant if I didn’t hang around so many gay people. I understood what he meant just fine, but hey he’s the one who moved to a one horse town because he said everyone in Fort Wayne was a waste of space and he wished it would just disappear or something like that. I think I’m saying it more politely. I think my one friend was right when he said this guy has major anger issues because I don’t know what bee crawled up his rear but he decided to start making nasty remarks and started calling me a liar on my Facebook post. I had posted that I had just finished a five mile walk, which I had, and I was going to lift some weights. He posted: “Yeah right.” Then proceeded to call me a liar, tell me he knew a lot about fitness and I should be ripped if I worked out like I was saying I did on Facebook. I told him it takes a while and I’m getting there and he called me a liar again. He proceeded to tell me he knew fitness. I’d say he knows how to bake his skin too long in the sun, but looking at him fitness is not my first guess as to what he knows. He’s got some muscles… of course one of them is beer induced. He just went off on me in a hateful rage on Facebook. I’ve never been mean to this guy, tried to treat him with respect, tried to be his friend even when I didn’t agree with his opinions and here he is trying to undermine everything I’ve worked so hard for. The old me would have probably gotten a little discouraged. The new me just got pissed off. It wasn’t like he sent me a note and asked how long you been doing this, and are you seeing any progress. If not maybe I can help. That would have been nice. No he went on a tirade. He is definitely someone who needs a full length mirror and needs to take a good, long, and healthy look in it. He has anger issues and hatred issues. I try to hang in there with people I really do. Any of my friends will tell you I try not to judge and I will tell you how I feel but I will respect your rights to your own opinions. I try to be a good friend, but this guy had broken the final straw for me. I guess the whole point of this article is to let anyone out there who is struggling with an issue know that there are more people out there who will support you than the ones who will try to knock you down and that you’re not alone. The assholes are far and few in reality and when you encounter one, laugh because they really are not worth your time and their life is far worse than yours in comparison. They bully and push because their lives are lacking and you’re trying to pull yourself up and they can’t stand that they really suck and you’re doing better. Brush off their dust and move on is what I say. I have loving family, wonderful friends and a multitude of supporters for my journey. I’ll gladly cheer any of you on in yours. I just find it sad that along the road to success you are bound to meet an ass or two.

A Life of Seasons and Pet Peeves

I will be the first to admit that I live my life through my passions. I am a highly emotional person who feels things very deeply. I love completely. If I bring you into my life it’s really hard for me to let you go no matter what. Once you’re in my heart you’re there to stay. We all know life changes though. Just like the seasons there is a spring of newness, a summer of warmth, a fall where it grows a little colder and a winter freeze. It happens consistently every year and constantly. My friends will tell you, if they are honest, that I have the most forgiving nature of anyone you will meet. This is because I know we are all human and I know I do things daily that my friends loved ones and others could read as awful and worth a good chastising. I may give them my opinions, I may tell them I don’t like what they are doing or feel that they are wrong, but I love my family of choice by which others would call friends. I stand by them and support them and even offer them a shoulder if they need a good cry. As a friend recently said, it’s what friends do. When pushed though I will let you go out of my life if it’s the best choice for me. Human nature and self preservation always win out in the end. The last two months for me have been full of changes. They do leave me a little bit of an emotional wreck, but don’t worry I have a good support system to help keep me standing. I’ve lost a friend or two. One to death, the other well their choices made it so. It’s the way it goes. We all have choices in life. Me? I need to work on being more secure in things in my life. I have a tendency to live my life always expecting the other shoe to drop. That is good on one hand because when it does it isn’t as painful, but it’s bad in that we have a tendency to see things that aren’t there if we are expecting them to be. Kind of like the water on the road theory I would think. You know looking in the summer on the road far ahead it looks like water, but you get there and there isn’t any. So I’m working on that. I’m also working on having more patience. Not easy. I have a ton of pet peeves. I mean hearing 3 or 4 radios playing at work when I’m trying to work drives me nuts. There are things called headphones. I use mine when I listen to my music. Not as bad as the singing to the songs. This isn’t American Idol. Of course it kind of reminds me of the auditions. I probably shouldn’t finish my thought there. I’m trying to hold it in and not let it bother me. I like peace and quiet when I’m working. To each their own though. It’s not worth a fight or even a complaint and if I were going to I would complain to them if it got to bothering me that badly. What are some of my other pet peeves? Well right up there at the top is people blowing their nose at the table. Really, you think someone taking a bite of food wants to be reminded of your mucus flow? You could go to the bathroom you know. Manners, get up, excuse yourself and come back. I’m not talking about wiping your nose I’m talking about the people with the car horns for noses in restaurants. I have a tendency to believe they were raised in a barn and the pigs didn’t mind so you know why would anyone else? Then here is one that absolutely drives me nuts: Shuffling your feet instead of walking. Are you that damn lazy that you can’t pick up your feet when you walk? You know your ass might actually get some good out of the movement. It sounds awful and it suggests exactly what I’m stating that you are too lazy to do better. Here we go too… Really chewing with your mouth open and making smacking sounds? Do you think that makes you sexually appealing? I know I know. I have a lot of pet peeves and yes I know I do things that annoy myself and others. I’m opinionated and stubborn and very vocal. Sometimes I feel these things are a plus, but a lot of times they just get me in trouble. I also annoy myself by being overly emotional, but I chalk that up to my passions and desire. I’m very passionate about everything I do. It’s a blessing and a curse, but one I’ll gladly keep in this case. I am a person who has grown over the last couple of years to be a person who doesn’t like to hear all the negativity either. If you don’t have something good to say think twice before complaining. There is nothing worse than listening to someone and everything that comes out of their mouth is negative whether it is about their own life or their friends and family. Surely not everything in your life is that awful and perhaps you need a full length mirror so you can look into it and evaluate your life a little more closely because if it’s all negative you best be looking for some positive. Seasons change. People are there, and then they are not for one reason or another. One should enjoy them while they can. If you’ve lived the good times wisely and cherished them you’ll have something to reflect back on and hold tight to when the winter’s freeze of change grabs hold. Yes I know my life needs some work. I know what I want though. I want to have someone to come home to and make dinner for and take are of. I want to listen to them complain, argue with them, love them and make them happy. If I never have that though I still know that I have chosen my closest friends wisely. They are wonderful and loving and always there for me even when I do something stupid. I may have to pick them up off the floor when they stop laughing, but they are there for me. I have been blessed and I will work on my life this year to lose the remainder of my weight that I want to take off, get in the best shape I can and grow emotionally better. Patience is something I have never had, but I’m working on it. God Bless you all on your own journey. Anyone care to share what their pet peeves are? You can do it anonymously if you like. I know different things bother different people. Feel free to let me know. After all difference is good and sharing is better in a life of seasons and pet peeves.

Pizza Casserole

Pepperoni Pizza Bake
Prep time about 30 minutes
Back time about 40 minutes

What you need:

1 package (16oz) spiral pasta
2 cans (15oz) pizza sauce
2 pounds ground beef
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
2 cups milk
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
4 cups (16oz) Shredded mozzarella cheese
1 package (3-1/2 oz) sliced pepperoni

What to do:

Cook pasta according to package directions.
Cook the beef, onion, salt and pepper over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain and stir in the pizza sauce, garlic salt and Italian seasoning; remove from the heat and set aside.

In a small bowl, combine the eggs, milk and Parmesan cheese.

Drain the pasta and combine and toss with egg mixture.
Transfer to a greased 3qt baking dish. Top with beef mixture, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni.

Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Uncover; bake 20-25 minutes longer or until golden brown.

Makes 12 servings.

A Resolution of Lies.

This is the time of New Years resolutions that people make to hopefully improve their lives. Most of them enter into them with the best of intentions but will never even come close to carrying them through. This really isn’t because the person doesn’t want to or even is incapable of it; it’s normally because the expectation and the realization rarely coincide. Life if you think of it is exactly the same way. Human nature has us setting our expectations so high that when they don’t pan out the way we wanted we are left feeling bereaved and down. I try to keep my expectations of things in life simple. It doesn’t mean I don’t get let down or hurt I do and often, but it’s easier for me to bounce back because I understand we don’t live in a movie where things just happen to work the way we want and a pretty happy ending is sure to be. What do I look for in friends, family and lovers? I look for honesty. I would rather be hurt by the truth than crushed by a lie. I can work through almost anything with any of the aforementioned too as my friends will attest as long as they are forth right and willing to be straight with me. The problem is I think honesty is one of the hardest things for people to hand out. I’ve known people who lied about the stupidest stuff just because they thought it sounded better than the truth. Did it hurt anything? Yes. It hurt their own realization of life. Why do I say that? Because they are handing out the lie and living with the realization that what they have told wasn’t the truth and at some point they will probably come to regret it either because they wish the person knew the truth or because it comes out or because they have to face it. What is so comical to me is that usually if the person had told the truth things would have worked out for them, but when the lie is found they usually fall completely apart and sometimes so much so that they can’t be repaired. Again this is human nature though. I would be lying if I said I never lied about anything. I have to spare feelings and such, but I really don’t like to. I try to practice the rule of saying nothing before lying. It’s just easier in the long run. So what New Years resolutions might I have made this year? I want to lose the remainder of the weight I need to get off. I think that is a goal I will accomplish. I want to take better mental care of me. What do I mean by this? I often feel like people give or pay little attention to how things they say or do affect me or how they may or may not hurt me so I get bruised feelings. I’m going to simply start living with the principle of telling them or letting it go. It’s just got to be the way it is. So I think my second goal is quiet attainable to. I also want to work on being more financially stable. That one I don’t know. Time will tell I suppose. So in life I would advice you to look realistically at all aspects. People are human and they are not going to be perfect. They are going to lie about stupid stuff guaranteed. They are going to let us down and hurt us both knowingly and unknowingly. They are also going to make us laugh and bring us lots of love. As I’ve recently said to many in your relationships you have to way the pros and the cons and what you are willing to accept and what you’re not willing to accept. The biggest thing we each and everyone need to remember is that we have all done and all do these things to other people too. So before you tell a friend or a lover a lie next time think it through. Decide if silence or the truth is the better option because I can tell you for certain the lie never is the best way, not even in sparing feelings and I know I’m guilty of it too. Lies come back to taint and hurt that which is most precious to each and every one of us. So Happy New Year and may you make your resolutions and may happiness find itself at your door.

Sometimes In Life; A Year In Reflection

It’s definitely hard to believe another year is soon going to come to a close. It seems like the older I get the faster they go. That is such a scary thought. The holidays can be a time of great joy, but then also with reflection a time of great sorrow. This year has been full of both. I jumped back into the dating world this last year and I can tell you that has been a big eye opening experience into the human psyche and in issues of the heart. I made lots of new friends and lost some. One such person was a man named Jeff who had a heart of gold. He came into my life a year ago. A big teddy bear of a man who seemed to think I walked on water, although I assured him constantly I didn’t. He and I were just friends, yet he would text me several times a day, say words to cheer me up and always bring a smile to my face no matter how bad my day was. I have a feeling he did that for many people because it was the way he was. He died on December 13Th this year and somehow I just haven’t been able to shake the sadness of such a loss. He will be missed. He is missed by me very much so. It’s been a year where my parents got older and really began to show their age I think. Not in looks, but in feelings. I worry about them. One such incident was when I was out at a Subway with my parents eating and my mothers disease had her shaking so badly she couldn’t eat her sandwich. I had to buy yogurt and feed it to her. For her that must be very hard to know she couldn’t do it for herself. She’s a strong person though and most days her disease doesn’t get the best of her, but towards the end of this year it seems it’s had her more days than not. She needs lots of rest or she shakes really badly. I’ve been with my parents so much of my life I don’t know what I will do when they are gone. In August I started dating a man who makes my heart skip a beat. He’s kind and on so many levels everything I could ever want. It’s a scary thing to know someone could have your heart so completely, because it also means they could break it completely as well. I guess we will see what happens there. Time will tell. Finances have been strained this year for me and there isn’t much in the way of spare cash and as a matter of fact I spend most of my time playing catch up. I guess 2011 will be a time when I have to play catch up and get it all right. I put up a Christmas tree for the first time in a couple of years this year. I was feeling the Christmas spirit, but it also made me lonely somewhat as I sat alone on Christmas night watching television. Life is a funny thing. Our hearts want often what we don’t have. A wonderful man in my life named Mark though reminded me that I need to be thankful for all that I have and I am very grateful for all of it. That includes you my readers and my friends and that includes my family and friends. It includes a place to sleep and food to eat and all the other things I am thankful I have and am not in want of. I can’t help but be a little sad though at the loss of all those that we miss for they left us behind to move on. My grandmother Jessie & Lula Ann. My Uncle Monroe, aunts and cousins who’ve left us behind. My uncle Roger who left us with grace and dignity and showed us not only how to live, but how to die and how to love. My friend Jeff who loved deeply and laughed with us often, but secretly wanted nothing more than someone of his own to come home to. So although people can see sadness as a bad thing, it’s merely a reflection of our recognition of people we miss and dreams yet unfulfilled that we can work to fill. So as the year wraps up and time marches on I wish each and everyone of you a joyful life full of love and laughter. May you relish each day and when the tears come may you find peace in the knowledge that you are never truly alone and there is always someone here that will listen if you should ever need to talk. May you find your way to all your dreams and may Love fill your hearts with peace. God bless you all and may you have the Happiest of New years!

So Who Decides?

Is there such a thing as politically correct? I mean if you just sit and think about it these days we are catering to the few to spite the many. I suppose you want an example. There are a million examples to be given. We live in the United States of America. There are foreigners in our country and I’m good with that, what I am not good with is not flying our flag or saying the pledge of allegiance because we might offend them. I say offend them, if they don’t like it they can go home. This is AMERICA and it is our flag and our pledge of allegiance. Thinking of the pledge of allegiance, whose bright idea, was it to take God out of it? It offended a few so we take it out? What about the many who believe without God our country would perish? What about those who are proud to say it and offended us would leave it out? Then there is prayer in school. Now I’m not advocating making it mandatory and I’m not saying it should be school led, but if little Johnny wants to get on his knees and say a morning prayer he should be able to and it shouldn’t matter that someone else doesn’t like it. They don’t have to join and they don’t have to watch. There are lots of things that are offensive to me that I see as someone else choice and none of my business. Like putting Budweiser beer lights on a Christmas tree I find offensive. That is me though. If I’m in Johnny’s house and he likes it I have the choice of leaving or closing my mouth. I also find it offensive that people want to start calling Christmas tree’s, holiday trees. I don’t desecrate their holiday items by renaming it because a few people got their panties in a wad and I’d prefer they not do it to mine. I don’t care if the court house wants to put up a menorah. I’m cool with it. There is diversity. It’s something we need to embrace not throw out. Why is it ok to have celebrations for anything as long as it’s not a Christian Holiday? I’ll tell you one thing; the Christian people need to start speaking up. The reason the few are getting their way is because like spoiled little brats (yes I said it) they are throwing a fit and the government and all the other people out there who sit quietly are giving them what they want rather than say buck up it’s part of life. It’s like watching a parent in the stores and a child is throwing a fit so the parent gives it candy or a toy and buys it for them to get them to be quiet. The good parent would watch them throw the fit and then pick them up and leave the store and buy nothing. Why are we catering to stupidity? Sorry folks but I’m wound up. We are raising our children to be soft. We don’t want our teachers to tell them they are doing something wrong or poorly? Are you serious? I do. I mean how does it help little Johnny not to learn life lessons? If he doesn’t learn them as he grows he’s in for a shock when he hits the real world and he isn’t going to be prepared to handle it. When I was a child if you back talked a teacher and your parents found out you were getting a tanning and your parents were apologizing to the teacher. Now days if a child does that the parent wants the teacher to take it and say nothing and the parent won’t either. I can’t believe this is what we are coming to. I remember when swats in school were the norm and if you got one you were getting one when you got home too. I don’t advocate leaving bruises but I don’t see anything wrong with punishment and a little spanking. I survived and I wasn’t abused. You wonder why we have more kids growing up and committing suicide, well maybe we should consider that life is too tough for them because we aren’t teaching them to be tough or what the real world is as they are growing up. I lead a fairly sheltered life, but school taught me to be tough. I was shocked by a lot of stuff but prepared to deal with it because I had dealt with adversity growing up in school. Life is hard enough without being painted the pretty picture of life is great when you’re a child. We all know there are children out there that have it tough. There are children living in homes they shouldn’t which could be a whole topic of its own. The government watches what happens at school and slaps teachers for trying to teach respect and honor and pride, but when it comes to the home life they don’t care as long as the parent is providing a roof and food and clothing? Seriously there are so many things that are wrong and the more people say they are trying to fix them, the more they seem to F*** them up if you ask me. I guess I am just tired of a few people deciding what everyone of us should think, say and feel. I mean really we need to start speaking up. Those of us who don’t like to cause waves need to learn to surf the waters and bring in the tide. Do you even know who decides? Do you sit and say my opinion doesn’t count or who cares really? If we don’t take control of this soon our country is going to just keep getting in worse and worse shape. If you and I don’t decide then who does?