Waiting For The Fire To Burn Out...

Life definately likes to keep me on my toes and I definately know how to withstand the pressure of being on them.  Never seems like there is a moment I'm not questioning something.  Some of you may know this, some may not, so I will share my story as I often do to keep my friends informed and to help others that may go through similar circumstances.  It's always better to be armed with the information than to not.  If you're squimish about female things you may want to stop reading now.  Recently I took my annual pabst smear and my "boob smasher"  or otherwise known as a mamogram.  The mamogram came out fine and as a few of you may recall a couple of years ago I had a breast cancer scare when they found a place in my breast but it turned out to be nothing.  The waiting, worrying and not knowing were hell though and it went on for months.  What I didn't know at that time was there were plenty of girls who had had the exact same experience.  Knowing that might have calmed my nerves some.  Maybe not either though.  My pabst smear came back with an abnormal reading this time.  That could mean a lot of things.  They did a biopsy on Wednesday.  I was scared to have that because I was told it would hurt like hell.  It hurt but not really that badly.  I mean I've felt worse pain.  I guess I have a high tolerance when it comes to physical pain.  The procedure itself was quick.  Fifteen minutes from start to finish.  Lots of blood, won't kid you there. It was numb though so I really didn't feel a lot of pain.  I did feel sore and as the day went on that bruised and sore feeling grew as the stuff they used to numb it wore off, but again not to an unbearable amount of pain.  The next morning and day was the worst because I was nautious all day.  The doctors office called to check on me which is nice but I would appreciate them a lot more if they were not making me wait until the 9th of November to find out what is causing the abnormal reading. Again there are lots of options, but the biggie is the C word none of us ever want to hear and yes it does bother me some to think about it.  I have been assured that worst case scenario is probably going to be pulling the plugs on the female plumbing.  I suppose there is nothing wrong with that since I'm not really using it and have no future plans to.  Kind of makes me sad.  I did want children, but I had all ready kind of resolved myself to the fact that if I ever have children they will be adopted anyhow. Right now I subscribe to the borrow and return theory which works out well for me.  I've got a strong network of family and friends and I appreciate all the positives I've heard form you all.  I also appreciate no one saying a word to my parents yet.  They don't need the stress and worry and hopefully there will be nothing to tell.  Right now I'm just waiting for the fire to burn down on the days till I find out.  I'm taking it one day at a time and trying not to make it more than what it is.  The picture above is of a burning trailer I passed this morning on my way to work.  Luckily no one lived there so it's just a tailer but it could have been someone's whole life going up in flames.  I guess I kind of took it as an analogy for my own thoughts and life.  That is the update on me for now.  God bless an keep you all as you're in my heart always. 

It's All About Believing in Your Own Worth

Of all the lessons we learn in life there is only one we truly need.  It is that we are worth what we decide we are worth.  No one should decide your value for you but yourself.  That isn't an easy thing.  We grow up believing we have to live up to the expectations of our family, then as we grow we want to live up to those things we believe our friends want us to be and magazines and society and television.  So many directions we get pulled on what we should or shouldn't do, should or shouldn't want and what we should aspire to have in our lives.  We start clinging to these things as actual.  Happiness comes from realizing though that we are all worth loving and we are all worth getting to know and spending time with.  You can't ask for someone to make you happy.  Happiness comes from being happy with what you have and who you are.  There are things I don't like about myself.  I personally think I need to lose more weight and get in better shape, but I know my worth and my value.  When as a society we can finally all come together and stop judging each other, stop telling others what they should be and how they should feel and how they should act, then freedom and happiness will exist for peace and harmony and all.  Isn't that a nice dream to have of a future where no one decides for you and where we all stop crying wolf and fowl and harm.  I'm so tired of people saying their feelings got hurt because someone didn't like what they said or how they dressed or who they were.  I'm tired of peole telling us we shouldn't wave the American flag or that we don't have the right to expect our language in this country to be English.  If you don't like it that is fine, but toughen up.  Diversity is not a bad thing unless it's shoved down your throat and not even a spoonfull of sugar helps that.  Live and let live and stop asking for someone to fix your life.  You have the power to decide your happiness and to decide to ignore ignorance for the ignorant are truly to be pittied.  Look in the mirror and find your worth.  You are worth loving.  You are worth knowing and life can be good even on the bad days.  It's all about belieing in your own worth. 

There Are Places…

There are places I can’t go.  Some are physical and some lie in the dark corners of my mind. It seems odd to think of places that you might drive by every day and to stop just puts the weight of sheer dread and panic into your very soul.   It seems even more than strange to know that when a thought crosses my mind I need to push it away or spend an entire evening crying and wishing for what can’t be.  There are movies I can’t watch and there foods I dare not eat for fear of thoughts that will bring me down.  Most days I have no problem keeping myself perked up.  I may fall for a brief time but I usually dust myself off pick myself up and move on with my day.  Then there are times when I just question why.  I wonder why it is that I get so attached to people, places and things that they can have such an outright and profound effect on me.  I don’t feel like other people.  Someone may wrong me, but instead of staying angry I rarely am angry for more than a fleeting moment.  Then it’s just hurt that fills in the empty spaces where they once were.  Doesn’t matter what role they played in my life because if I chose to put them in my life my heart valued them like a priceless heirloom.  It’s just the way I’m made.  I don’t make lots of time if I don’t care. Often that caring is misunderstood and so is my hurt at their impeding irreverence to how I might feel about what they’ve done or what they are about to do.  I often see the writing on the wall.  I just don’t want to face what I see.  I don’t to feel that someone could value me so little or cast me aside so easily.  It’s simply who I am.  I love deeply and passionately.  There are places I can’t or should I say I won’t go for fear that the pain this time will be more than I can bare.  Perhaps that makes me strange or perhaps it just leaves me to be simply human. 

Summer and Ice

So how is everyone doing this summer? Mine isn’t quiet going the way I want. I know it’s going way too fast. I started a new job, well sort of, same company different department. The new job has my life concentrating more on work than me with overtime, although this week I’m trying to make the entire week about me. What can I say I’m selfish? I put in a lot of overtime lately for them, so this week I hit the gym, a place I haven’t been much lately. I also arranged a couple of dates and am trying to move on with things. I have a little weekday fun in Indy planned to celebrate someone I loves birthday and I have Friday and Saturday to get in a little house work and friend and family time. It just doesn’t seem fair to me that as adults we don’t get “paid” summer breaks. If we could get a guy to run for office that would support that; I would so vote for him. The elections coming up in the next year should prove interesting. I really don’t think I can think of one person running for any office that is really worth a damn, but that is my own personal opinion. We need someone in there that will stop all the bullshit and none sense. I mean our government is suppose to be smart and maybe they are at padding their own wallet, but not so much at running things and I mean that on both the republican and democratic parties both. You can equally be angry at me. I haven’t seen much that should make us proud in the way of government. I do still believe in America as being the best although I have a friend who so wants to go to England to live. I really wish him luck with that. The grass is always greener on the other side till you get there and figure out you’re standing in a pile of manure. Why yes I am blunt. Glad you noticed. My summer has been a wave of emotions, some really good, some really bad. It’s been like a little mini soap opera with betrayal and love and intrigue all rolled into one. Not the way I like things. I like them quiet and drama free. I’ve also come to the realization that I am going to be me no matter what even if the men I choose to date can’t accept that. It’s not in my nature to play games. I do things people find odd but I do not play games. I feel if you’re going to date someone you have to make yourself available and give a little time so that you get to know them. Men that I’ve known seem to want that woman that plays the I’ve got other plans today game and then sits at home and does nothing because she wants to look mysterious to him. I’m not that way. I’m not the damsel in distress, and I’m not the girl who’s going to cower in fear of being alone or forging it on my own. Do I like being alone, no I don’t. I want a partner, but I want someone who wants honesty. I want someone who is honest with themselves and I sure as hell don’t want someone who’s judging me all the time. I recently saw someone who I believe thought I wasn’t religiously good enough which is funny considering I think they need to check their own back yard. I may not walk a religious chalk line but I am religious. I do believe in God and I believe the he talks to me and loves me. My life hasn’t been easy but I realize there are others who’ve had it harder and I don’t believe that I’m a terrible person for wanting a few comforts and pleasures in life either. Either way summer is starting to come to a finally and I’m hoping to have at least or attend at least one cook out this summer. I love grilled foods, especially burgers and I haven’t had a single one yet this summer. It just seems a shame to me. You won’t hear me complain about the hot weather either. I much prefer the fire of summer to the ice of winter any day and there is just something about the sweat and heat that makes me feel alive and energized. Well I hope everyone else is having a great summer and I hope you’re having fun in the warmth and sun. It won’t be long until we are complaining about winter again.

Like A Hooker On Ice...

There are a ton of cliche's out there that would fit my life right now.  I'm not sure if that would be considered a good thing or a bad thing.  It is basically what it is though and there isn't much I can do to change it.  Life definately changes on a dime without much notice or warning.  I know in the past few months a friend and an old classmate both have passed away, as well as the dad of a friend of mine.  Those are major life altering changes in lives.  True they touch my life but not like they do the loved one who are left behind.  In those months I've also gone from being committed to someone to being completely single again as well as have a few other friends of mine.  Life is a slippery slope they say and they would be right.  It feels like sometimes you just can't get ahead.  I know there are a ton of things I need to get done, but with work and working out and trying to get in shape it just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day to do all I need to do.  I've also met a wide vareity of people lately.  Some good, some not so much.  I'm always fascinated by the human mind.  I'm always trying to figure people out.  I see so many of the people in my life making what I would consider mistakes, but it really isn't my place to tell them.  If they were gonna get hurt to the point of losing their life then maybe, but the kind of hurt they are going to go through for the most part is heart ache.  If I did try to warn them they wouldn't listen.  It's just the way it is.  The school of hard knocks is the one most of us attend on a regular basis.  It's not that we want to hurt, but most of us are willing to take that chance for what little happiness we can find.  I'm hoping this summer will be one filled with much happiness for myself and for those in my world.  I know lately it doesn't seem any of them can catch a break, but I believe they and I will.  I have to believe that happiness is out there just waiting to grab me by the shoulders and shake me.  So other than my life and my friends life can we address some other things?  Like the economy and the political genius that we've elected to run it?  Oh wait, probably shouldn't.  Not that I wouldn't but I'm not sure what to make of it all to tell you the honest truth.  Then there is this crazy weather we've been having.  Is summer ever going to get here this year?  I suppose I'll have to find a little fake sun to make myself feel better.  Fake is better than none?  I don't think that is a cliche is it?  Well, I just wanted to check in and I'll try to write something a little more profound soon, but right now to tell you the truth my life is a little like a hooker on ice, can't stand up but the job's lying on the back anyway so why worry. 

Along The Road to Success You Are Bound To Meet an Ass or Two

So the holidays are over and I’ve spent the last two weeks working my tail off to remove the few pounds I put on with the holidays to get back to where I was so I can continue my weight loss journey. They say what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. I guess I’ll find out. I have been walking five miles a day and lifting weights and doing a work out in the gym at least 6 days a week for the past two and I’m happy to say I dropped the Christmas weight by doing it. I can tell you too though that I’m worn out, tired and very sore. It takes getting up earlier than I’d like and I’ve been averaging about six and a half hours of sleep a night. I’m an eight to ten hour sleep girl for me to be happy. I just keep telling myself it will be worth it. I slacked off for a couple of months around the holiday. There were too many things going on, too many distractions and not enough time in the day to get it all done. I want to drop down to my appropriate weight by mid summer at least so I’m pushing myself. Don’t worry though I eat a balanced diet and take vitamins. I also spend a lot of time soaking my pour aching feet. It hasn’t been an easy journey and it takes constant reminding me that I’m doing it for me to keep me motivated. Today at the gym a woman asked me if I ever felt like giving up and I simply answered with every day. It would be so much easier to stay home and sleep, lie on the sofa and watch television or read a book and eat whatever I want, but it wouldn’t make me happy it would just make me less sore. Believe it or not though the exercise was not the hardest part of coming off of the holidays, but rather the changing the diet back to being healthy and balanced that was a chore. I’m getting there though, little by little. Most people are very encouraging that I’ve had to deal with on my journey. I started out weighing more than five hundred pounds and I’ve lost over three hundred. Most people are amazed and full of praise and encouragement for me to complete my journey. Every once in a while you run into a complete and utter jerk though that believes they know it all and they have all the answers. That can drag you down if you let it. It can even cause people to fall back into old habits. Having been that heavy I remember how hard it was in my mind to be in public and always feel like people were judging me. I remember the thought of exercising in public scared me to death and eating was never fun because you assumed that people were watching every bite you took. Shopping was a terrifying adventure in its own right. Nothing was ever in my size and no one seemed to want to help me. I had to fight past the images of hatred that are out there. I had to not think of the few idiots that would laugh and judge and ridicule me and decide I was going to do it for me and I wasn’t going to let them hold me back. I had to want it and want it more than I had ever wanted anything before. It’s a different world for me today, even though I still have some to lose. I get asked out quiet a lot. Guys literally stop and back out of doors they were coming in to hold them open for me. If I’m shopping people come up and offer to help me and I never have trouble finding something in a size I can wear in any of the stores. Not to mention I can fit in the seats in waiting rooms and I can walk with out dying for a breath of air or my legs and back killing me. So what got me on this article today was an event that happened early last week. There was a guy I had gone out on one date with last summer. He was fun and it was a great date and we even talked a few times on the phone afterwards, but in those conversations I learned a lot. In one conversation he talked about being broke but wanting another date. I told him money wasn’t important we could do something that didn’t cost anything and he told me no we couldn’t that to have fun he liked to go out and spend money and drink. About everything that sounded fun in this guy’s world required beer I believe. Not a good sign for someone who use to date a drunk. I really don’t want to go down that alley again ever. In talking with him I also learned that although he loved to work with handicapped children he wasn’t so good with adults. He lived by himself with three kittens at the time, probably cats now. Everything this guy started to say told me more and more that dating him probably wasn’t a good option for me, but I always like to keep friends and I feel we can be a positive influence in people’s lives, but we have to be there to be that positive influence. I liked him, but I didn’t like some of the stuff he was saying. He hated gay people and everything they stood for. He at one time compared them to child molesters. I tried to explain the error of his thinking. I let him know that I respect he has his right to his opinion but that this comparison was well off base. These people are not hurting children and their sexual preference is not even close to the same thing. What they do in their personal life is none of his business and his being that judgmental and hateful just isn’t right. He didn’t stop with just gay people though, he pretty much hated black people too as far as I could tell. Archie Bunker would have nothing on this guy. I still wanted to try to help him see differently. All people are equal in Gods eyes. God may or may not like what someone is doing but he loves them all equally. Sexual preference and skin color don’t have anything to do with who a person is inside. This guy saw them all as sinners. Well he cherishes drinking, isn’t there something in the Bible about that? We all sin. We all have to be forgiven for those sins and the only one who should judge us is God, so I guess he’s sinning again by judging people now isn’t he? So at one point this guy dropped off my Facebook page because he just couldn’t stand some of the post by my friends. So I figure his option. A few months back he called my home number out of the blue. Said I had made him see things differently and wanted to be my Facebook friend again. He wanted me to come spend time with him and see him in his little town of Berne. I’m not much for driving but I told him I might do karaoke with him sometime there. So he was being polite and all seemed to be ok. Then last week his car broke down and he made a comment to me about needing attention and I’d know what he meant if I didn’t hang around so many gay people. I understood what he meant just fine, but hey he’s the one who moved to a one horse town because he said everyone in Fort Wayne was a waste of space and he wished it would just disappear or something like that. I think I’m saying it more politely. I think my one friend was right when he said this guy has major anger issues because I don’t know what bee crawled up his rear but he decided to start making nasty remarks and started calling me a liar on my Facebook post. I had posted that I had just finished a five mile walk, which I had, and I was going to lift some weights. He posted: “Yeah right.” Then proceeded to call me a liar, tell me he knew a lot about fitness and I should be ripped if I worked out like I was saying I did on Facebook. I told him it takes a while and I’m getting there and he called me a liar again. He proceeded to tell me he knew fitness. I’d say he knows how to bake his skin too long in the sun, but looking at him fitness is not my first guess as to what he knows. He’s got some muscles… of course one of them is beer induced. He just went off on me in a hateful rage on Facebook. I’ve never been mean to this guy, tried to treat him with respect, tried to be his friend even when I didn’t agree with his opinions and here he is trying to undermine everything I’ve worked so hard for. The old me would have probably gotten a little discouraged. The new me just got pissed off. It wasn’t like he sent me a note and asked how long you been doing this, and are you seeing any progress. If not maybe I can help. That would have been nice. No he went on a tirade. He is definitely someone who needs a full length mirror and needs to take a good, long, and healthy look in it. He has anger issues and hatred issues. I try to hang in there with people I really do. Any of my friends will tell you I try not to judge and I will tell you how I feel but I will respect your rights to your own opinions. I try to be a good friend, but this guy had broken the final straw for me. I guess the whole point of this article is to let anyone out there who is struggling with an issue know that there are more people out there who will support you than the ones who will try to knock you down and that you’re not alone. The assholes are far and few in reality and when you encounter one, laugh because they really are not worth your time and their life is far worse than yours in comparison. They bully and push because their lives are lacking and you’re trying to pull yourself up and they can’t stand that they really suck and you’re doing better. Brush off their dust and move on is what I say. I have loving family, wonderful friends and a multitude of supporters for my journey. I’ll gladly cheer any of you on in yours. I just find it sad that along the road to success you are bound to meet an ass or two.

A Life of Seasons and Pet Peeves

I will be the first to admit that I live my life through my passions. I am a highly emotional person who feels things very deeply. I love completely. If I bring you into my life it’s really hard for me to let you go no matter what. Once you’re in my heart you’re there to stay. We all know life changes though. Just like the seasons there is a spring of newness, a summer of warmth, a fall where it grows a little colder and a winter freeze. It happens consistently every year and constantly. My friends will tell you, if they are honest, that I have the most forgiving nature of anyone you will meet. This is because I know we are all human and I know I do things daily that my friends loved ones and others could read as awful and worth a good chastising. I may give them my opinions, I may tell them I don’t like what they are doing or feel that they are wrong, but I love my family of choice by which others would call friends. I stand by them and support them and even offer them a shoulder if they need a good cry. As a friend recently said, it’s what friends do. When pushed though I will let you go out of my life if it’s the best choice for me. Human nature and self preservation always win out in the end. The last two months for me have been full of changes. They do leave me a little bit of an emotional wreck, but don’t worry I have a good support system to help keep me standing. I’ve lost a friend or two. One to death, the other well their choices made it so. It’s the way it goes. We all have choices in life. Me? I need to work on being more secure in things in my life. I have a tendency to live my life always expecting the other shoe to drop. That is good on one hand because when it does it isn’t as painful, but it’s bad in that we have a tendency to see things that aren’t there if we are expecting them to be. Kind of like the water on the road theory I would think. You know looking in the summer on the road far ahead it looks like water, but you get there and there isn’t any. So I’m working on that. I’m also working on having more patience. Not easy. I have a ton of pet peeves. I mean hearing 3 or 4 radios playing at work when I’m trying to work drives me nuts. There are things called headphones. I use mine when I listen to my music. Not as bad as the singing to the songs. This isn’t American Idol. Of course it kind of reminds me of the auditions. I probably shouldn’t finish my thought there. I’m trying to hold it in and not let it bother me. I like peace and quiet when I’m working. To each their own though. It’s not worth a fight or even a complaint and if I were going to I would complain to them if it got to bothering me that badly. What are some of my other pet peeves? Well right up there at the top is people blowing their nose at the table. Really, you think someone taking a bite of food wants to be reminded of your mucus flow? You could go to the bathroom you know. Manners, get up, excuse yourself and come back. I’m not talking about wiping your nose I’m talking about the people with the car horns for noses in restaurants. I have a tendency to believe they were raised in a barn and the pigs didn’t mind so you know why would anyone else? Then here is one that absolutely drives me nuts: Shuffling your feet instead of walking. Are you that damn lazy that you can’t pick up your feet when you walk? You know your ass might actually get some good out of the movement. It sounds awful and it suggests exactly what I’m stating that you are too lazy to do better. Here we go too… Really chewing with your mouth open and making smacking sounds? Do you think that makes you sexually appealing? I know I know. I have a lot of pet peeves and yes I know I do things that annoy myself and others. I’m opinionated and stubborn and very vocal. Sometimes I feel these things are a plus, but a lot of times they just get me in trouble. I also annoy myself by being overly emotional, but I chalk that up to my passions and desire. I’m very passionate about everything I do. It’s a blessing and a curse, but one I’ll gladly keep in this case. I am a person who has grown over the last couple of years to be a person who doesn’t like to hear all the negativity either. If you don’t have something good to say think twice before complaining. There is nothing worse than listening to someone and everything that comes out of their mouth is negative whether it is about their own life or their friends and family. Surely not everything in your life is that awful and perhaps you need a full length mirror so you can look into it and evaluate your life a little more closely because if it’s all negative you best be looking for some positive. Seasons change. People are there, and then they are not for one reason or another. One should enjoy them while they can. If you’ve lived the good times wisely and cherished them you’ll have something to reflect back on and hold tight to when the winter’s freeze of change grabs hold. Yes I know my life needs some work. I know what I want though. I want to have someone to come home to and make dinner for and take are of. I want to listen to them complain, argue with them, love them and make them happy. If I never have that though I still know that I have chosen my closest friends wisely. They are wonderful and loving and always there for me even when I do something stupid. I may have to pick them up off the floor when they stop laughing, but they are there for me. I have been blessed and I will work on my life this year to lose the remainder of my weight that I want to take off, get in the best shape I can and grow emotionally better. Patience is something I have never had, but I’m working on it. God Bless you all on your own journey. Anyone care to share what their pet peeves are? You can do it anonymously if you like. I know different things bother different people. Feel free to let me know. After all difference is good and sharing is better in a life of seasons and pet peeves.

Pizza Casserole

Pepperoni Pizza Bake
Prep time about 30 minutes
Back time about 40 minutes

What you need:

1 package (16oz) spiral pasta
2 cans (15oz) pizza sauce
2 pounds ground beef
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt
1 large onion, chopped
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
2 cups milk
1/2 cup shredded Parmesan cheese
4 cups (16oz) Shredded mozzarella cheese
1 package (3-1/2 oz) sliced pepperoni

What to do:

Cook pasta according to package directions.
Cook the beef, onion, salt and pepper over medium heat until meat is no longer pink; drain and stir in the pizza sauce, garlic salt and Italian seasoning; remove from the heat and set aside.

In a small bowl, combine the eggs, milk and Parmesan cheese.

Drain the pasta and combine and toss with egg mixture.
Transfer to a greased 3qt baking dish. Top with beef mixture, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni.

Cover and bake at 350 degrees for 20 minutes. Uncover; bake 20-25 minutes longer or until golden brown.

Makes 12 servings.

A Resolution of Lies.

This is the time of New Years resolutions that people make to hopefully improve their lives. Most of them enter into them with the best of intentions but will never even come close to carrying them through. This really isn’t because the person doesn’t want to or even is incapable of it; it’s normally because the expectation and the realization rarely coincide. Life if you think of it is exactly the same way. Human nature has us setting our expectations so high that when they don’t pan out the way we wanted we are left feeling bereaved and down. I try to keep my expectations of things in life simple. It doesn’t mean I don’t get let down or hurt I do and often, but it’s easier for me to bounce back because I understand we don’t live in a movie where things just happen to work the way we want and a pretty happy ending is sure to be. What do I look for in friends, family and lovers? I look for honesty. I would rather be hurt by the truth than crushed by a lie. I can work through almost anything with any of the aforementioned too as my friends will attest as long as they are forth right and willing to be straight with me. The problem is I think honesty is one of the hardest things for people to hand out. I’ve known people who lied about the stupidest stuff just because they thought it sounded better than the truth. Did it hurt anything? Yes. It hurt their own realization of life. Why do I say that? Because they are handing out the lie and living with the realization that what they have told wasn’t the truth and at some point they will probably come to regret it either because they wish the person knew the truth or because it comes out or because they have to face it. What is so comical to me is that usually if the person had told the truth things would have worked out for them, but when the lie is found they usually fall completely apart and sometimes so much so that they can’t be repaired. Again this is human nature though. I would be lying if I said I never lied about anything. I have to spare feelings and such, but I really don’t like to. I try to practice the rule of saying nothing before lying. It’s just easier in the long run. So what New Years resolutions might I have made this year? I want to lose the remainder of the weight I need to get off. I think that is a goal I will accomplish. I want to take better mental care of me. What do I mean by this? I often feel like people give or pay little attention to how things they say or do affect me or how they may or may not hurt me so I get bruised feelings. I’m going to simply start living with the principle of telling them or letting it go. It’s just got to be the way it is. So I think my second goal is quiet attainable to. I also want to work on being more financially stable. That one I don’t know. Time will tell I suppose. So in life I would advice you to look realistically at all aspects. People are human and they are not going to be perfect. They are going to lie about stupid stuff guaranteed. They are going to let us down and hurt us both knowingly and unknowingly. They are also going to make us laugh and bring us lots of love. As I’ve recently said to many in your relationships you have to way the pros and the cons and what you are willing to accept and what you’re not willing to accept. The biggest thing we each and everyone need to remember is that we have all done and all do these things to other people too. So before you tell a friend or a lover a lie next time think it through. Decide if silence or the truth is the better option because I can tell you for certain the lie never is the best way, not even in sparing feelings and I know I’m guilty of it too. Lies come back to taint and hurt that which is most precious to each and every one of us. So Happy New Year and may you make your resolutions and may happiness find itself at your door.