As The Season's Change

As the seasons change so do our lives. No one, no matter how hard they try is ever the same person they were at the beginning of the year when the year winds down and comes to a close. I’d like to hope I’ve grown a little wiser and a little stronger. I would love to believe I am somehow a better person for having lived through whatever trials and tribulations the year has brought. This particular year has been a big year for me in reflecting on my life and trying to make myself better physically and emotionally. I started walking way back in the end of February or early March. Hard to recall the exact timing now although I suppose I could go back through my post and find the date and time if I tried. Lord knows I have written about my walking on more than one occasion. So far in walking and diet I have lost 93 pounds since February 2009. It feels great on one hand. I mean I have a lot more energy and I like myself better. On the other hand though it is a little frightening to believe that I have been so heavy as to have so much weight I needed to lose. To top that weight loss you really have to realize how heavy I really have been at one time. I mean 93 pounds since February is a small person in itself. I have actually lost a total of 163 pounds since November 2007. So a good size person has dropped off my body. Let us not even mention that I still want to lose a lot more. So yes my life is changing physically and if one doesn’t believe that changes you emotionally then you just can’t even begin to imagine how different my life perspective is. As I have stated it has been a year of reflection. As I walk you just never know where my mind will take me. Today it took me back to my childhood and growing up on Sandpoint Road here in Fort Wayne Indiana. It took me back to a time when my mom’s brothers and sisters gathered in a field with a horse shoe pit and my Uncles took turns throwing horse shoes. I’ve played horse shoes. I find it relaxing and would gladly play today. My uncle Monroe was always known for his abilities at playing this particular game. He’s no longer with us. That summer that went through my mind also had my uncle Roger there in memory before he actually became my uncle. I believe it was the year he and my aunt actually tied the knot but you know the memory does sometimes play tricks on a body. I remember it was late in the summer and almost fall. Life seemed so simple in those days but then again I wasn’t very old so that would probably explain that. I loved the fall when I was younger. The promise of a new school year and the changing of the leaves were both beautiful to me then. Now I really can’t stand the fall. It’s pretty but what it signifies in my mind now is that old man winter is working his way to our door. It means that the wonderful warmth of the sun will hide for months and outdoor activities that I have come to love so much will have to be tucked away and replaced with the stale and boring inside replicas of those events. One such thing is my walking. Now if you don’t know I am one of those people that have a horrendous fear of ice. No I don’t mean the kind you put in your glass to drink a beverage on, but rather the kind you walk on or drive on. OK, well I guess it is the same kind of ice, I am just not afraid of it in a glass. Yes, I would even classify it as a phobia. For anyone who has never had a phobia let me tell you there isn’t much more frightening? For me when I see or perceive ice on the ground I literally freeze in place. I also can feel my heart start to speed up and my chest start to tighten. For all its amusement I literally have to tell my legs to move to. I say a prayer before I start walking and I say a prayer before I drive. It’s a gripping fear that never leaves my mind until I get to where I no longer have to worry about walking on or driving on the ice. So for me winter brings on a new level of anxiety. With anxiety comes the need for comfort and what do over weight people most often turn to for comfort? Yep, you got it… food. Not me this year though I have my WII to work out with. I have my exercise bike and a manual treadmill. I would like an electric treadmill, but budget wise I don’t think that one is going to happen any time soon. Plus I have friends and family and I’ve gone back to reading. So yes new anxiety over a winter of blah. I just hope it’s a short winter with very little snow and ice and that warm weather will come around soon so I can get out and walk again. I mean right now I can and hopefully will be able to through November, but you just never know in this great state. I set out to make some found memories of friends and family this summer. I accomplished that. I set out to be healthier and I think I am headed in the right direction, but no matter what else happens or has happened as the seasons change so do our lives.