2019-2021

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little depressed as of late. It’s hard not to be with the last two years of life. What keeps me going in my husband, my church and God. What a ride this time of my life has been. I’m not stranger to death. He’s been a huge part of my life since I was sixteen years of age. I often jokingly talk about the fact that I know more dead people than live ones, but it’s really not a joking matter. It’s a truth to some degree. The thing is I wouldn’t trade one minute of the life and having known and been apart of the life of each and every one of those people who were in my life and who are now gone. A part of them will always live as long as I’m alive because I carry them with me in my heart and in my memories. My first major impact from death was my grandmother Lula Ann Richardson Short. My grandmother, my dads mom, and I were both born on June 27^th at 11:45pm, 59 years apart. She was a generous and loving soul who loved the Lord our God and loved her family with all her heart. I can see her very clearly in my mind and even hear her voice although she died on November 27, 1983. Some of my fondest memories are of times spent with her at her home. She always had a second hand box of toys and clothes for us from the “exchange”. She had big meals for us and would always take food to whomever was walking up the path past the house. So many memories flood my mind when I think of her. I can’t think of a single bad memory, except for losing her. That year would prove extremely hard for me as I would lose a classmate to suicide and one to a car accident that year. I would also be informed of my other grandmother’s cancer shortly after Christmas. My mom’s mother Jezzie Ann Slone would pass away on June 26, 1985. One day before my 18^th birthday. I was the one who took the call that she had died and I was the one to tell my mother. It seems this would become a pattern with me sharing this type of bad news with my mother. Over the years I would lose count of how many per year died. My uncle Roger’s death hit me pretty hard as he was always there for me when I needed to talk without judgement. He was a kind and loving man who walked through this life and his death with dignity. Then there was my friend Jeff who was a bit of a jokester and always pulled pranks that some might find not so funny but it was who he was. His sister called me at work on my cell to tell me he had died. I thought she was joking, but he had fallen off of a ladder while trying to change a light bulb. He had the flu and they assume he got dizzy. It was so unexpected and I remember sitting at my desk at work in shock at first then tears. Then there was my friend Rob Hogg who came out from Texas and spent two weeks here with us for the Christmas holiday in 2011. Rob and I saw each other every single day for two weeks. We went shopping, went to Christmas parties, and generally just hung out and talked. He and I had attended Elmhurst High School together and we were catching up on all the time between school and then. Rob left my house on January 1, 2012 to head back to Texas. I’m very thankful for the time he and I got to spend together, as his boss would call my phone early in the morning of January 5^th. I was confused and asked why she had his phone. She told me that Rob had a major heart attack and had passed away at work that night. I took on the roll of calling his brother to let him know. Again I got to relay bad news. For months everywhere we had been together in those two weeks made me cry when I was there. His death was not in vain though as he was an organ donor and helped over 82 people to live better lives. Over the past few years I’ve lost many aunts, uncles, friends: Ellis Slone, Larry Thomas, Jackie Slone, Gertie Watson, Monroe Slone, Wendall Watson, Bonnie Slone Thomas, Doyle Dean Thomas, Jeremy Karst and my daddy Dewey Short just to name a few. There are many more I could list. I carry them all with me everyday. I see different things that remind me of them either around or on Facebook. So I’m no stranger to death. I do believe I’ve had more than my fair share, but I know others who’ve had more. I don’t wallow in it the way I may have once upon a time. Death no longer scares me or even has that much of an effect on me. I mean I do get sad and it really does depend on whether I believe the person was a born again Christian or not, but I believe in God and I believe those that ask for forgiveness and repent are not truly gone. They may not be in their earthly bodies but they live on. In 2019 a death of another kind occurred as a job I worked for twenty-one years was going away. It was a hard thing to hear but I put my faith in God. I knew he would watch over me. I worked three months for the 911 center and struggled with the people there. Their odd sense of what was wrong and right and ok and not ok was off putting to say the least. I loved it during training but when they put me on the floor they put me with the self proclaimed goddess of the center. I couldn’t ask questions. If I asked any questions about anything I was being argumentative. I sat there basically most of the time afraid to say anything. This was not a good learning scenario for me. I made up my mind before I ever went to nights I no longer wanted to be there. Except for a couple of really nice people most of them were pompous and rude. Things that are clearly not acceptable in a business environment were common place. The training program was not good once you got to the floor as they assumed you knew things. I found out one thing the night before I stopped working there that would have been a great help on their screens. They assumed I knew their screens with their maps were set up N, S, W and E, top to bottom and side to side. It made sense once I heard it but no one had ever said that and it never dawned on me. It was also a very hard time for me to be in that center because I was going through a change that I really didn’t realize at the time. I was finding my path to opening my heart to let Jesus in. The things that were said, the language I found offensive. I literally sat there between calls writing prayers to God for help in being there. I wanted out, but I had nowhere to go. I did meet a wonderful lady named Candace there that I believe God let me see before she left so that I could know even in all the darkness there can be a light with Him. I was so happy to be done with that job. I sat down that first night and started communicating with a new possible job. I was working a week later for a new place. I really liked most of the people there. It seemed as if it was a good fit, but I quickly found out that it was a place where if you didn’t kiss the feet of the manager over the department I was in you were not really welcome. I was thrown to the wolves when they fired one employee and another just quit to try to do some things I wasn’t trained for. I tried my best though and gave it my best effort. To no avail it would appear. I helped them find someone I respect to hire in and they did. As soon as they did though they gave me a mundane job that really was not even necessary. I tried to do things to keep busy but often found I had little to nothing to do. I started writing a manual to try to be productive. That wasn’t really appreciated either. My dad and I both asked Jesus into our hearts in the fall of 2019. I was baptised on November 10, 2019. For me this was the start of an inner peace like I had never known. In 2020 my job had COVID shut down on March 24^th we were all told we would be back, possible bonus to come back and that we would probably be back in June. None of that happened. My daddy got sick right about the time they were ready to call back employees. Lots of decisions had to be made and I really put work on the back burner in my life. We almost lost Daddy on August 12, 2019. On the morning of the 13^th I was told he would never wake up and that it was only a matter of time, but God knew better. A male nurse there told me only God knows to not give up hope. At the end of that week we brought my daddy home on hospice. He had survived to the doctors disbelief; however, it was only a momentary reprieve. The water that they had taken out in surgery was coming back quickly. Daddy would never walk again and it was only a matter of time until death would take him. In that time my brother and I set out to make sure whatever my daddy needed he got. Time became precious. My aunt Jib helped out and my friend Juanita helped out. The fist month at home other than being frustrated he couldn’t walk and was now dependent on everyone’s help dad had a good time of fellowship with family, friends and church members. In this time I grew close to my dad again. I watched him and my mother and I knew life was about to change and never be the same again. Some days were harder than others, but again I wouldn’t change it. Outsiders, or people who were only around periodically accused me of not doing enough. I took advantage of getting rest when other people were there. I needed to. I was physically and mentally exhausted but this didn’t keep the judgment from being placed. My brother did more than his fare share of helping. He stayed a lot of times with mom and dad. In the last month of dad’s life I think he was there every night. Inside my heart was breaking, but outside I stayed strong. That is the way I was raised to be. Pull up the chin and fight the valiant fight. My husband stayed strong by my side. He did what I requested. He was wanting to help and willing to help but that didn’t keep people from judging him either. I learned a lot about people during that time. During those couple of months my dad made his peace with his life and with his family. He was ready to go. We lost him on October 31, 2020. Still no time to sit and grieve. We had a funeral to plan and my mother to think about. The funeral home and the funeral all seem like a blurr. A few things stick out like the fact that my mother refused to barely ever leave my dads side. She wanted to be where ever he was. Then there was the funeral day where we learned right before service that my cousin Jackie had passed away that morning. That was a hard thing to hear but we had dad’s funeral to get through so mourning for my cousin would have to wait as well. It struck me how much my dad was always there for everyone. He went out of his way and always went to family funerals as long as he possibly could get there. Yet there were so few people at his funeral. I mean there were enough and I know it is COVID times, but as I recall the good book tells us to take care of each other. We are to be there for the sick and the hurting. We did have one family friend that traveled several hours from Ohio to pay her respects, Tammy, She had a doctors appointment that afternoon and could only stay a few moments. She hugged mom and mom had a big ole smile. Tammy exhibits the way God would want all of us to act. It truly touched my heart. We did have great friends and family there, don’t get me wrong. I love and thank everyone of them for being there. It was just something that crossed my mind. Over the next couple of months we got my mother moved into my brothers home and we started the process of going through the personal belongings of my parents. This led to many a memory and many a tear shed. We had to get ready for an estate sale and we had to get the house ready to sale. Dad was a good provider and he managed on very little pay what most would never manage, but there wasn’t much in the way of money left after the funeral. Paying for mom’s upkeep has been hard on my brother to say the least. I need insurance or I would have stayed off and helped with mom. In August I also had started classes at Ivy Tech. So during all this time I was taking a couple of classes as well. When I didn’t have a job it wasn’t that hard to do, but in December I knew I needed to start looking hard for a job and I did. I started my new job on January 4, 2021. So far I love it. I need to make more money, but I love the people, the place and the job. Through May I had classes and a new job with classes. That was a really tough time. I didn’t get to see mom much, I was always stuck with my nose in a book and again people started accusing me of not doing my part. It hurts when you’re doing your best and you still get called out on the carpet as if you’re a cat that just peed there. Just saying. Anyway the stress started to take a toll and I started having blood pressure issues, lots of headaches, nausea, and just most days felt over all ill. I stayed diligent though. I gave my life over to God. I let him lead me. I ask for his forgiveness and I put my troubles in his hands. I know He has blessed me in so many ways and he reminds me daily that He knows my heart. He knows my deeds and that is all that matters. What other people think or believe they know doesn’t really matter. I do know that right now we need to get our house sold so that we can have money to take care of mom. Jake and I also need to be able to move on with our lives rather than being in this state of limbo we are in. Mom goes in and out of knowing stages. God blesses me with people in my life who love me and help me in every way they can. If I’ve learned anything in my life after all these years it’s that we need to get up every day and count our blessings and not our woe's. Everyone has something good and something bad in their life going on at any given time, but one is happier and better off to get up in the morning and thank God for all the blessings you do have in your life. God loves us all. He gave us freedom of choice because He wants us to freely choose him, not be forced to. God is a loving and caring God. Letting him in my heart and accepting his Grace is the BEST thing I’ve ever done. Thank you Lord for this day and this life.