Sometimes One Simply Wants to Scream….

So I thought I would take a moment and do an update on my health and where I’m at and what I’m thinking.  It’s easy I think to come to an opinion on what you would do with a certain medical condition if you’ve never been faced with it.  I mean I know I was pretty adamant about what I thought I would do when faced with certain choices until today when I actually was.  It’s not that I plan on having a baby because I’m not really sure that would be wise at my age.  It’s just that right now it’s my choice and I’m not sure how I feel about the choice being so completely taken away from me.  I had a biopsy done last week of my cervix.  Nothing life threatening for the moment there but they don’t want to take the chance of it turning into something life threatening so the doctor is recommending that I have a hysterectomy.  I have mild dysplasia going on and some benign places on my cervix.  I asked what probably seemed like a million questions to the doctor. I need to be sure I have all the facts before I decide.  So my decision is I’d like to try the L. E. E. P. procedure one more time before I go to such a radical choice as having the hysterectomy.  This procedure takes a blade made of electricity and cuts out all the bad spots.  Then in six months you repeat the test and see if there are any new places.  The problem is though that the last one I had done they took so much of my cervix they are not sure they can go with this option for me so I have to go in Monday and have an ultrasound done to see for certain.  If it can be done it’s been scheduled for the 17^Th of December.  So we’ll see.  Work has been great about working with me where they can.  I’m hoping they can do the L. E. E. P. again but if they can’t then I will have to decide how long to wait and if I can afford to wait to have they hysterectomy and then I also have to decide on what course of hormone therapy to have after it.  It’s stressful so it really wasn’t a surprise between that and other life stress and work stress that the doctors also put me on medicines to help with stress levels.    So in a nut shell this is pretty much where I’m at.  Doctor appointments are killing me.  The cure is worse than the disease.  Whatever line you want to use after over a year of dealing with this I sometimes simply want to scream!