Stay Strong

There are times when I feel deep inside my soul the pool to just give into self pity.  It seems to me that life has just never been that easy for me.  Sometimes it feels as if someone up there is continually testing me to see how much I can take and if I can pull myself through.  I can no matter what.  I know that.  I've had to be tough.  I've never been allowed to be soft the way a woman is suppose to be.  I've never had that shoulder I could lean on and depend on.  I have friends sure and they would be here if I asked, but it's in those dark hours of the night when you're all alone and not feeling well that it would be nice just to have someone in the house with you. I find myself wondering if this is a common struggle for many.  No matter how hard it is and how much I understand deep in my soul what drives people to commit suicide there are no worries here.  I would never do that.  I would never take my own life for many reason, but for one I do not believe it is my own to take and God has chosen this path for me and this life for me for a reason.  I just have to continue to trust in it and move forward.  It's been harder this hear so far, as little of it as there has been, because it seems there have been so many bad things happen.  A friend with heart troubles, a friend who's sister was given some very bad news about cancer, a friends best friend dying, one of mine dying and I just cant seem to stay well.  All of this around my nephew continuing to have struggles and there is nothing I can do but sit back and watch.  Poor kid has had it rougher than most adults so if I look at my life in comparrison to his I know I'm better off.  I love him and I hope he learns only he can choose his path and he can't make his mother be a mother no matter how badly he wants her to be.  Here's the rub though.  It's true life could always be worse and it's true there is always someone in worse shape, but it doesn't make the pain of ones own situation any less or anymore than anyone elses.  In our lives it's what affects us that shapes us, our present and our future.  It's what drives us to be who we are and what gives us the strength to move on.  I know God has blessed me with loving parents, an awesome brother and a beautiful niece and nephew.  My life is not over so I still hold the key to how my future is shapped.  I have loved and I have been loved so I suppose what it comes down to is that when one is in their darkest hour they have to draw from within the light in their own soul and remember that they are not really alone ever.  God is there.  Friends are there.  our life may not be what we want, but it is what we need if we believe in ourselves.  Here's hoping each of you have a good Valentines Day this week and that you remember love doesn't have to be about a signifcant other, it can be the love you feel for friends.  Oh, so you know I like yellow roses and M&M's.. lol