I use to think as we got older things would just come to us naturally. That understanding of the world would be laid at my feet somehow. As I get older though I find I understand less not more. I am not gay so I can't say I understand how those folks are feeling so I try to limit my commentary to the situations at hand. I really don't understand why someone wants to be classified by their sexual preferences though. I don't look at someone and say they are gay or straight. I look at them and say they are human. They are one of God's children. Now there are some I look at as evil, twisted and benevolent, but it has nothing to do with their skin color or their religion or their sexual preference. It is solely based on my perception of their actions. I also have friends I love dearly who say things about christian s and the religious beliefs and it insults and hurts me badly but I put it aside because I know they are using generalizations of a few and would never intentionally set out to hurt me. I do consider myself of christian faith. I do not profess to be saved but I feel like I'm a lot closer than some of the people I've heard profess it for themselves. My grandfather was a baptist minister and died when I was very young. From what I've heard he would never profess himself as knowing he was saved but believing beyond a shadow of a doubt. One may ask what is the difference but then I say if you have to ask you wouldn't understand if I explained it. He also, although he may not agree with their choices, would never treat anyone as anything less than a child of God. As of late I have been trying to reconnect with my inner spirit and release some of my inner demons. I have been reacquainting myself with my family and with my own values. I pray nightly for strength and to not hold hate or anger in my heart. My ex sister-in-law is a troubled soul. One I hope, but fear is lost beyond help. She messed up her life. She can't possibly be happy with the way she's living and the things she's done. She lies like it's the water of life and she'd die without it. She worships the almighty dollar. As we know one can't have two masters so if she worships money she has no ground to kneel and worship God. She uses her children and makes sure their little lives are constantly in turmoil. She's up to her old tricks as we speak and wants to regain custody of the son she so eagerly accused of so many wrong doings and cast aside. She tosses out threats and hands out definitions of things she doesn't even understand. She's using a new person in her life who will someday regret ever meeting her. I love her but I don't like or respect her anymore. I would give everything I own for my niece and nephew. I would lay down my life for them. I hope they know that. I also hope they realize that their dad loves them and puts them first. The courts so far have believed the rhetoric she's tossed but every dog has it's day. Karma is real and time will have it's say. No one in my family needs to life a hand. God sees how we treat little children and he's told us all that there are none greater than the little children. To hurt them is to hurt him. This morning I find I just want to vent and if you want to listen that is great. If you don't I understand. My ex-sister-in-law claims I am harassing her because I sent her one email saying I love her and I don't wish to be in the middle but she needs to stop or I will be. That isn't harassment but is simply a plea for her to come to her senses and stop hurting her children and using them. I should know by now though that is a train that left the station never to return. So many lies, so little time in her world. To live like that to me would be worthless. So the world never finds peace because of the likes of those who would be selfish. For those that feel troubled today I ask the Lord to bring you peace. Know that there is at least one out here that believes in you and your right to live in peace. One who won't judge you but will wish you the best life you can have.
